18 and being ugly

Discussion in 'Parent Emeritus' started by rdp, Sep 10, 2008.

  1. rdp

    rdp New Member

    his tudd at least omg if i ask him to stop befor he breaks it boom he's off calling me every name in the book. worst thing is he can't take care of him self, can't cook has to be told to shower has no idea how to work a washer or dryer did not get through 10 grade but thinks he can go back just to hang out. I just dont no what to do. trying to raise 2 of my 6 grand kids and my wife baby sits 3 of the 6 mon thru fri + the two we have. his bipolar is on a down hill run had the two week up swing that was nice. thanks for the vent.
  2. DammitJanet

    DammitJanet Well-Known Member Staff Member

    It does sound ugly around there. If he is being verbally abusive and breaking things around the house...call either his case manager or the cops. Maybe you can get him inpatient for a psychiatric evaluation and then into some sort of group living arrangement to get him independent living skills. Its obvious he needs something.

    Sad that you are raising the grands but at least they have you.
  3. katya02

    katya02 Solace

    Sorry to hear this. Can you call his psychiatrist and get him in to be seen? If he's coming down after an up phase you'll all do better if he can get services/medications adjustment/at least some psychiatrist awareness and supervision. Take care of the little ones (keep them safe) and take care of yourselves.
  4. rdp

    rdp New Member

    little ones are always keep safe,sweep to the safty of my locked room. But thank you for thinking of them.
    as far as place ment in some sort of home not in this state hes 18 to old hospital ya but hes not home at this point. So getting him to his psychiatrist he wont go and he now wont come home but at least we know ware he is, at his oldest sisters house.
    thanks again
  5. witzend

    witzend Well-Known Member

    Didn't he just come out of the hospital? I seem to remember you talking about a long term placement last summer that was to be about 10 months long.

    I'm having a little trouble understanding your post. What's "his tudd"? Did you call the case manager or the cops, or just threaten?

    I understand that you feel that the children are safe locked in your room when he is violently raging, and they probably are. Although from dealing with people of a violent temper, I can tell you that unless your bedroom door is heavily reinforced, one swift kick will get past any lock, but that's beside my point. Exposing children to such violence that they must be locked in a room is no way for children to live. I imagine that they must be terrified. If they are not, they are way too conditioned to violence for their own good.

    Have you considered a restraining order? When they are over 18 and you are responsible for their small children, your duty is with the small children. It really doesn't matter if he knows how to work a clothes washer or take a shower without being told. He's old enough to make those decisions, and he's old enough to learn how.
  6. Love the sunshine

    Love the sunshine New Member

    I think it was a typo - correct me if I'm wrong. Tudd: his 'tude' (attitude)
  7. susiestar

    susiestar Roll With It

    With the level of violence being such that the kids know to go to your room behind a locked door, you really need to take the step of reporting this to the police or whatever agency is there to protect children.

    I am not speaking from just what I think. I had a violent teen. Before he got to age 14 we had to have him removed from our home. We were not dealing iwth his children, just his siblings. My younger children would go and lock themselves in my room when Wiz raged. (this was after many interventions, therapy, medications, everything we could think of/dream up to stop the violence). It came down to either keeping my violent child in my home and jeopardizing ALL of us, or having him removed and pressing domestic violence and assault charges against him.

    It broke my heart, and nearly took my sanity, but I had hte sheriff remove him. I pressed charges, I went to court and testified as to what he did to us. We ended up iwth my parents choosing to take him in and keep him at their home. It made a big enough impression that he did start to make changes. Now, 3 years later he is stable, in school, working his first job, and actually has thanked me for forcing him to grow up.

    You simply must put the welfare of the young children over the comfort/welfare of an older teen who is dangerous.

    There really is no other choice. It may take hours of phone calls, of exposing the ugly behavior to the harsh light of scrutiny, and other equally horrible things to change the situation.

    I guarantee that he will not starve - if he is 18 he will figure out how to fix food or get food he can eat with-o fixing. He will find ways to get help.

    But you must take any and every step to protect the young children. It is what it is.
  8. Star*

    Star* call 911........call 911

    I think - even thought you feel the kids are safe behind the door - they still have ears......and that "noise" can cause Post Traumatic Stress Disorder and they could potentially grow up with lots of problems of their own. I really would encourage you to get everyone into counseling even if it's just for a few months to allow the little ones to process how they feel so they don't feel they have to "swallow" their fears or "act out" later in school.

    As far at the "Tudd" thing - I think you meant to type TURD. :tongue: been there done that got the Charmin.

    And regarding your oldest - the 18 year old? How lovely that his attitude and his behaviors hold you hostage in your own home while you try to deal with the responsibility of raising your OTHER children's children. I dont' know if I'm amazed or outraged at your other kids to just dump on you.

    I don't know how you deal with it - because I know I have lived that life, got out, and got therapy for years. I won't do it again with other people and I'm barely doing it now with my 18 year old son.

    Hang in there - and seriously check out your local mental health office for some counseling for yourself and the kids -

  9. witzend

    witzend Well-Known Member

    I'm just catching this. He's at his oldest sister's house with the baby, Trinity, and the twins, Mike and Matt? They shouldn't be subjected to his violence, either. What precautions is your daughter taking to protect her children from him?

    I'm also wondering if you ever resolved the issues of the large stash of lady's panties that you found in his bedroom when he had to leave your home last year?