18 can't come fast enough

[exhausted]

difficult child went to take her placement tests yesterday. She scored a 96 on the language arts test and 78 on the math. So she has an average math class and a higher level language arts class. I asked her if she was excited and the response was so telling. She doesn't seem excited at all.

We then went to buy a gift for a baby shower. One of her friends from the Residential Treatment Center (RTC) is having a baby boy. Of course the dad is AWAL. This girl has a good family but boy have they been through the ringer with her. difficult child actually engaged in buying the gift. She usually doesn't care much. It was actually fun.

Then....She went to her "friends" house, the girl picked her up. She wasn't gone very long and it felt shady. Last night she was up late and she woke me with all her shuffling around. The window was open in her room and it smelled like skunk. We often have skunk smells at night around here, but the window open in a home with central AC was weird. Too tired to deal with it. This morning she showered and the same smell again. My husband is home on vacation time and he was livid-pot he said. She tried to say skunk again. I went out to the car and checked my wallet. I had 15 bucks hidden so I could have cash for the farmers market. Some how she found a key to get into the car where I lock stuff up-she got the cash. Again I will have to hide things in a new place. Think I am going to buy a safe-this is the second time she has found the keys.

What am I doing? Thinking she is going to go to school? Thinking she is turning a corner because nothing has happened for 5 weeks? Still no job. Minimal effort to find one. Doesn't clean up after herself. So what if she made her own therapy appointment and actually went? She isn't going in there and telling him about pot and stealing from her parents or a pending court date for totalling her brothers car.

18 is coming the end of Sep. I just can't imagine her out there in this state of things. She can't handle stress or responsibility. She slips all the time- no impulse control. Refuses to change the crappy music she listens to. Talks to trash people on the phone. Has no reality about what it takes to be a grown up. But, I can't imagine having to continue to lock everything up and be violated by my own kid time in and time out. I am afraid for her. Where will she go-she really doesn't have any true friends that would house her. What more abuse will she suffer if she is out there-she is so child-like and vulnerable. And all the medications. she has to take for her thyroid and metabolic condition-how will she do that? She is not consistant taking this stuff without reminders to this day. I am suppose to just kick her out and hope she stays alive.

Court can't come quick enough. It has been 4 months and nothing as far as a court date and nothing to detour her behavior...We go along for a few weeks and then bam!!

 

[DaisyFace]

(((hugs)))

What happens if she misses her medications? Will feeling lousy be enough of a motivator to take the medications?

 

[recoveringenabler]

I hear you Exhausted, I know how you feel. There are no easy answers, just all the questions you pose. One minute at a time, sometimes moment to moment. I hope you are well supported through this. As Kathy pointed out, NAMI has a 12 week support group for families, sometimes all we can do is take care of ourselves. I'm sorry. HUGS for your hurting heart.

 

[exhausted]

Thanks-yep I go to NAMI off and on. I love my FA group. It just doesn't stop all the worry at this point in my recovery! Doing better, not there yet. Kind of like difficult child. Only difference is I have a desire-she really doesn't yet.

She doesn't seem to care about the medications. When she use to run off for days-she would almost always come home sick. Could not get her to make the connection between not taking her medications and the fact that it makes her weak and open to illness???

 

[AmericanGirl]

Exhausted,

I'm so sorry....at least your eyes are open so you will make the best decisions under the circumstances.

Living with everything locked up in your own house is a pain. But face it...most difficult children are more creative than we will ever be so things like safes only level the playing field. Do what you need to do.

I'll tell you what my Al-anon sponsor told me a little while ago. He has known my difficult child for about 10 years. He said, "If you took a 1/2 inch sheet of stainless stell and beat it over and over with a heavy hammer...eventually you would see a small dimple in the other side. That's what difficult child's head is like. It's going to take a long time and a lot of effort to get through to him."

I believe that is typical with our difficult children...she may, unfortunately, have to learn the hard way about her medications. You don't want that for her. You've told her time and time again. But that often means nothing to them.

Hugs...

 

[Nancy]

Exhausted I had surgery today and am not up to a long response but I undestand so well and felt the same way as you.

Sending hugs until I'm up to a longer response.

Nancy

 

[exhausted]

Nancy hope surgery went well and that you have a speedy recovery and can walk pain free before too long. ((Hugs))

 

[pinevalley]

I really do understand your pain, and unfortunately there are no easy answers for our difficult child's. It is really terrible to know that your difficult child will steal from you in your own home. I tried and tried to hide money and valuables from my difficult child, slept with the car keys under my pillow, etc., and he still found a way to steal from me. You have to do whatever you can to feel safe in your own home.
My difficult child always refused to accept responsibility for his actions, and did not really care about any rules or laws. There was nothing that my h or I could say or do to change his behavior. Unfortunately he had to get arrested to stop him from committing more crimes, and now he will pay for this for a very long time. I really hope that your difficult child will learn to take some responsibility for her life, so that she doesn't have to learn the hard way like my difficult child. I will pray for both of you. HUGS...

 

[exhausted]

Thanks PV-isnt it sad that they do have to learn the hard way? I believe jail is what it is going to take and I don't think that will take. She flies under the radar in the word and committs her crimes upon us. When she isn't here who will she violate? She was shameful when caught yesterday. She owned the theft (a first) It bothered her I could see it-this is improvement over her old ways of not accepting responsibility. She ended up leaving and going to God knows where and promised to call us. Has not bothered as of yet-she knows we worry and she doesn't care. Took a bag with her though-she usually doesn't. We have learned to leave it be and not fight it because it makes things worse. All I can do is give it to God and let him handle it. Sure is hard to do that. It's that darn "hope" thing that I let creep back in when she makes progress. If you have hope then you crash so much farther when they slip or relapse.