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Substance Abuse
18 y/o daughter using pot and missing opportunities
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<blockquote data-quote="Signorina" data-source="post: 631056"><p>Hi Amelia.</p><p></p><p>You've gotten good advice and I agree with Child of Mine's words of wisdom.</p><p></p><p>I'm answering because I share your concerns about your daughter and I think you have a valid reason to be concerned.</p><p></p><p>I'm concerned that she was pretending to be in school- actually leaving the home during class time - in order to perpetuate the lie. That's worrisome behavior. (And - in full disclosure - my own difficult child did the very same thing just this last year.)</p><p></p><p>I'm glad she went back and completed 2 classes, but I do believe you are right to be concerned about her pot use.</p><p></p><p>I don't want to get into the whole pot vs social drinking vs antidepressant debate. Can people use pot recreationally without ill effects? Sure. That said - from the details you have given us - I don't think your daughter is using pot to relax. It sounds like your daughter is using pot to "check out". </p><p></p><p>Marijuana abuse causes lack of motivation. When I was a teen/young adult; there were many kids in various "cliques" who got high once in a while. But there was also that wholly separate group commonly referred to as "the burnouts." Burnouts spent a lot of time getting stoned and disengaged from just about everything &'everyone else & were unmotivated students or workers. </p><p></p><p>My difficult child is a burnout. I suspect he started to abuse marijuana at 18 as a way to self medicate. He has no problem working or keeping a job but he also has no motivation. He gives lip service to goal setting- much like you daughter wanting to teach or travel etc - but (my difficult child) lacks the will to direct himself towards any of his goals. He is very much checked out and I firmly believe it's due to his marijuana abuse.</p><p></p><p>My son is 22 & living on his own now. I have zero influence on him now. </p><p></p><p>You mentioned your daughter attended therapy for a bit. If I had a chance to do it all over w my difficult child at 18- I would have done my best to keep him living at home and in therapy for as long as I could. I would have kept our family the primary influence in his life. When he moved out at 19, it served to exacerbate his use of marijuana and his lack of direction. At 22, despite our best efforts to get him back on track , that lack of direction is even more cemented.</p><p></p><p>These are my own experiences. I can't say if your daughter is similar to my difficult child. That said. I sense your concern and I wished I had heeded my concerns about my son when he was 18. I tried to brush it off as typical college behavior and I know plenty of marijuana users who are successful adults- but still I had a gnawing feeling that he was not ok and his pot use was not ok. Listen to your intuition - </p><p></p><p>I hope this helps. Sorry so long</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Signorina, post: 631056"] Hi Amelia. You've gotten good advice and I agree with Child of Mine's words of wisdom. I'm answering because I share your concerns about your daughter and I think you have a valid reason to be concerned. I'm concerned that she was pretending to be in school- actually leaving the home during class time - in order to perpetuate the lie. That's worrisome behavior. (And - in full disclosure - my own difficult child did the very same thing just this last year.) I'm glad she went back and completed 2 classes, but I do believe you are right to be concerned about her pot use. I don't want to get into the whole pot vs social drinking vs antidepressant debate. Can people use pot recreationally without ill effects? Sure. That said - from the details you have given us - I don't think your daughter is using pot to relax. It sounds like your daughter is using pot to "check out". Marijuana abuse causes lack of motivation. When I was a teen/young adult; there were many kids in various "cliques" who got high once in a while. But there was also that wholly separate group commonly referred to as "the burnouts." Burnouts spent a lot of time getting stoned and disengaged from just about everything &'everyone else & were unmotivated students or workers. My difficult child is a burnout. I suspect he started to abuse marijuana at 18 as a way to self medicate. He has no problem working or keeping a job but he also has no motivation. He gives lip service to goal setting- much like you daughter wanting to teach or travel etc - but (my difficult child) lacks the will to direct himself towards any of his goals. He is very much checked out and I firmly believe it's due to his marijuana abuse. My son is 22 & living on his own now. I have zero influence on him now. You mentioned your daughter attended therapy for a bit. If I had a chance to do it all over w my difficult child at 18- I would have done my best to keep him living at home and in therapy for as long as I could. I would have kept our family the primary influence in his life. When he moved out at 19, it served to exacerbate his use of marijuana and his lack of direction. At 22, despite our best efforts to get him back on track , that lack of direction is even more cemented. These are my own experiences. I can't say if your daughter is similar to my difficult child. That said. I sense your concern and I wished I had heeded my concerns about my son when he was 18. I tried to brush it off as typical college behavior and I know plenty of marijuana users who are successful adults- but still I had a gnawing feeling that he was not ok and his pot use was not ok. Listen to your intuition - I hope this helps. Sorry so long [/QUOTE]
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18 y/o daughter using pot and missing opportunities
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