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Substance Abuse
18 y/o daughter using pot and missing opportunities
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<blockquote data-quote="Scott_G" data-source="post: 632677" data-attributes="member: 16626"><p>While your daughter may legally be an adult, the way I see it is whoever pays the bills makes the rules. If you don't want your daughter smoking pot in your house or even out of the house while living at home, make it a condition of her continuing to live with you. If she brings it into the house or comes home high, she's out. Were you paying for her school? Again, unless she stops smoking and gets her act together, no help with tuition. Adult life is about choices, and you are giving her choices-if you want to live at home and have school paid for, sober up, otherwise you are on your own to do whatever you want. That's how it happened to me. I moved out over a silly curfew. At 19 when I came home from my freshman year of college my parents gave me a midnight curfew. Of course I tried telling them that I was an adult and I could do whatever I wanted. Their reply was that they didn't care if I was 30, if I was living under their roof, I had to live by their rules. I didn't want to live by their stupid rules so I moved out and never looked back. When I graduated from college, they also refused to let me move back home. Looking back, I can see how I could have easily turned into a difficult child if my parents were the type to just let me lounge around on their couch and do nothing. At the time I was angry at my parents for their treatment of me, but with age and having to deal with a child of my own, I have come to see that they were right. I strongly feel (although it didn't work that way for my own kid) that at 18 it's time to grow up and join the real world-preferrably away at school or in their own apartment. If they do live at home, life should not be easy. They should be working full time and paying their fair share, just like they would if they lived on their own. There should also be a plan in place for them to move out eventually.</p><p> </p><p>Another thing I will add is don't be judgemental. Your daughter is an adult and she is free to pursue her own dreams and not your dreams for her. If you have concerns over her behavior, try and discuss them in a way that is not condescending, preachy, or judgemental. This will create resentment. In my early 20's I went no contact for a year with my parents because of them being judgemental of my life (and I was living on my own at this time). Years later my mother would tell me that one of the hardest things for a parent to do is to keep your big mouth shut and let your adult kids live their own lives.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Scott_G, post: 632677, member: 16626"] While your daughter may legally be an adult, the way I see it is whoever pays the bills makes the rules. If you don't want your daughter smoking pot in your house or even out of the house while living at home, make it a condition of her continuing to live with you. If she brings it into the house or comes home high, she's out. Were you paying for her school? Again, unless she stops smoking and gets her act together, no help with tuition. Adult life is about choices, and you are giving her choices-if you want to live at home and have school paid for, sober up, otherwise you are on your own to do whatever you want. That's how it happened to me. I moved out over a silly curfew. At 19 when I came home from my freshman year of college my parents gave me a midnight curfew. Of course I tried telling them that I was an adult and I could do whatever I wanted. Their reply was that they didn't care if I was 30, if I was living under their roof, I had to live by their rules. I didn't want to live by their stupid rules so I moved out and never looked back. When I graduated from college, they also refused to let me move back home. Looking back, I can see how I could have easily turned into a difficult child if my parents were the type to just let me lounge around on their couch and do nothing. At the time I was angry at my parents for their treatment of me, but with age and having to deal with a child of my own, I have come to see that they were right. I strongly feel (although it didn't work that way for my own kid) that at 18 it's time to grow up and join the real world-preferrably away at school or in their own apartment. If they do live at home, life should not be easy. They should be working full time and paying their fair share, just like they would if they lived on their own. There should also be a plan in place for them to move out eventually. Another thing I will add is don't be judgemental. Your daughter is an adult and she is free to pursue her own dreams and not your dreams for her. If you have concerns over her behavior, try and discuss them in a way that is not condescending, preachy, or judgemental. This will create resentment. In my early 20's I went no contact for a year with my parents because of them being judgemental of my life (and I was living on my own at this time). Years later my mother would tell me that one of the hardest things for a parent to do is to keep your big mouth shut and let your adult kids live their own lives. [/QUOTE]
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18 y/o daughter using pot and missing opportunities
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