18 year old daughter that smokes pot a lot

Brenda 612

New Member
I have a 18 year old daughter that smokes pot a lot. She is a good student and has a job. She is a "mouthy" child but always has been. She is my middle child. She made a complete turn around this year and said that she felt that her friends last year were fake and this is who she really is. She has no desire to stop. My husband doesn't think this is a big deal but I have strong concerns. She will be leaving for college in the fall which is a time that kids tend to totally let loose. I am not sure what to do..


Well-Known Member
Brenda, welcome. You are replying to an old thread. You will probably get more responses if you start your own thread.


Well-Known Member
Hi brenda

Starting a new one thread is easy. Go up top to forums. Click. Choose forum. Click. See blue button called start new thread. Click. Choose a title. There you are.


There are pluses in your situation which you acknowledge: job. Good grades. The fact she is beginning to assert herself now, with you, under your roof. Actually this may mean she does not have to go off the rails once at college. She has already taken a stand.

I think I agree with your husband. But it is hard not to worry. I hate pot. My 29 year old son uses it. But he does not work and has mental health diagnoses. A far different situation.

Take care.


Staff member
Hi @Brenda 612

Welcome to our community. I moved your post into its own thread so that more members will see it so you will get more responses and support.

Hang in there. You are not alone.


100% better than I was but not at 100% yet
Welcome Brenda

It's probably too soon to tell. Our son went down the tubes at 15 which started with pot but MANY (myself included) just experiment and it's a phase, even if it lasts years.

If she hasn't changed really and is still doing the things she normally did, go to school, work etc. then I wouldn't worry about it too much.

You do have the right to tell her she cannot do that in your home though if you are not comfortable with it.

If that was all our son ever did and continued to move forward in his life, we would have been fine with it honestly.


Well-Known Member
If she is a daily user? That Indicates dependence on sn altered state (which it is) and it would worry me. Pot stays in the system a long time.

I would think that sooner or later the brain would be affected, lack of motivation would kick in, and other drugs/overuse of alcohol would kick in especially at college.

The amount of use matters in my opinion. Weekend weed in a functional adult child wouldn't phase me as long as the child clearly understood that our home and the property outside that is ours is smoke free. No cigarettes or pot. No smoke, no foul smell, no butts in our grass. I am death on any smoking in our domain as I don't want any smoke in my lungs or on my walls. You can use your own rules. Your house/,your rules/NEVER let the kid rule your house. EVER. You will regret it.

If she smokes daily, well, all in moderation. Too much of anything is not good. But aside from banning pot from the house, I am not sure there is much you can or should do as long as she functions well. I don't think parents can win the war of pot, but if our offspring start failing in function we can set limits and boundaries at the time. Pot CAN cause big issues. Especially in daily users. Do you let her drive impaired? Some parents do...

I loathe pot and alcohol. But I know that occasional pot or a daily glass of wine is fine in non addicts. But wine leaves the system fast. Pot....no. still many smoke pot and are functional societal members. I can hate it but it isnt going anywhere. Some can not handle pot as some can not handle alcohol. They are alike that way.

Wishing you luck.
Last edited:


Crazy Cat Lady
I don't see anything wrong with smoking a joint or bowl in the evening, same as I don't' see anything wrong with having a beer, glass of wine, or cocktail in the evening.

It's when you can't skip that intoxicant for an evening or two that there's a problem.

A lot of guys when husband was in the Army found out they had an alcohol problem when they went to the field and suddenly couldn't go to the bar every night. Not frank DTs, but a lot of shaky, sweaty, anxious folks for a few days.

To me, that's the tell, can she go without if she chooses/has to? I do know a lot of people in my age group who started smoking in the 70s and still smoke.

They have perfectly functional lives and careers. Some have families, some don't, but all have done well for themselves.

Others have not done so well.

Many, like me, quit smoking during or shortly after the 70's. Some quit all drugs, including alcohol.

I do want to mention that for me, the gateway drug was tobacco, not marijuana.

Since your daughter is 18, there is nothing you can do about her cannabis use beyond not allowing it on your property and giving her the choice of living under that restriction or living somewhere else. That's it.


Well-Known Member
GN, I believe cigarettes are the biggest gateway drug. Few nonsmoker's move on to heavy, serious drug use. And booze and smoking also seem to go together.


Crazy Cat Lady
Actually, I knew quite a few smokers who began smoking tobacco AFTER starting to use other drugs, so who knows?


Well-Known Member
GN, interesting. I know some pot smokers that won't touch nicotine. I am thinking more of hard drug users but I could be wrong here too. I didn't really know drug users....that means I am clueless


Crazy Cat Lady
Same here. I also know some cannabis users who started later in life, who wouldn't consider smoking it.

Tobacco was my personal gateway to trying cannabis, though. My pathway to harder drugs was actually separate from my pathway to cannabis, though.


Well-Known Member
Thanks for sharing. I really think pot only and hard drugs are two different levels of drugs. I know of pot smokers who fuction. I never heard of a cocaine, meth, opiate or heroin user who function. Again though 99 percent of the stories I hear are second hand. I find your sharing very interesting and I am sure others do too.


Crazy Cat Lady
My harder drugs were primarily hallucinogens, though I did try heroin and cocaine, and occasionally used speed. (Black Beauties and White Cross, not methamphetamine). I used barbituates a few times, and managed to find out that I'm allergic to Quaaludes. But mostly LSD a few times, and mushrooms and peyote quite often for a few years.


Roll With It
Just to give you some idea, I knew and adored and loved a man who smoked pot for many years. He was one of the most intelligent and productive men I ever met. He started a restaurant that is still a state favorite and grew into a chain, though the first store earned over $2 million a year for quite a few years before that happened. He worked in the restaurant every day long after most people would have retired. He turned down the opportunity to run the organization that sets up the chess matches that are so prestigious (I never can remember the name), mostly because the idea of living in NYC was just abhorrent to him. He was maybe not the best father but he was an AMAZING grandfather. His sons smoked a TON of pot all through high school and college, but they also got good grades because not getting them was NOT acceptable. Not being productive and not having an inquisitive mind simply were not things that happened in their family.

I knew some people with incredible minds who accomplished amazing things, though some of those things were not typical things, who smoked pot. They all supported themselves and were contributing members of society. They are all still contributing members of society. The ones I knew who were not contributing members of society were seriously mentally ill.

You have EVERY right to set the rules that you want for YOUR HOME. If that includes no pot in any form, then that is perfectly acceptable. That is the rule in MY home. Why? Pot isn't legal in my state and I have a thing about following the law. Plus I hate smoke in any form. Would I insist my child move out if they smoked pot in my home? Probably not the first time. My youngest is 18 and going to college in the fall. If he starts doing that and his grades are bad, I will talk to my husband. If he smokes in my house a second or third time? I will probably make him leave. He has asthma and I won't watch him do that to himself. I just know I cannot handle that. I am pretty tough on my kids because I cannot handle seeing certain things. It tears me up too badly, so I protect myself.

Pot alone doesn't mean that a person is addicted or has a problem. You have to look at the total circumstances, in my opinion. If they are self supporting and a contributing member of society, I don't have a big problem with it and I never have. However, if they are living with their parents, it CLEARLY means they don't meet those criteria!