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18 yo daughter with meltdowns, job, anger, boyfriend...
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<blockquote data-quote="Childofmine" data-source="post: 692554" data-attributes="member: 17542"><p>Hi Bigdaddy and welcome to the forum. We're glad you're here. I'm so sorry about your loss and your daughter's loss. That has to be so hard for her at such a formative time of life.</p><p></p><p>Having said that, of course, as you know, life goes on, and it sounds like she has been getting some help. I agree with SWOT that perhaps trying some other avenues. I so believe in the combination of therapy and medication for depression, anxiety, etc. I have seen it work very well for so many. Unfortunately, sometimes people have a bad experience early on and it make them think all therapists and specialists are the same way. I have had great experience with therapists myself, so I would encourage you to kindly and firmly sit down with your daughter---who is by all rights an adult now, even if the maturity is still lagging behind like it does for most---and talk about what needs to happen.</p><p></p><p>I don't know if this is the case with you or not, but sometimes we aren't clear enough and firm enough in our requirements for what it will take to "continue living here." I know I wasn't for a long time. I let so many things slide, and the view of my Difficult Child seemed to be that he was going to push that envelope even further.</p><p></p><p>Even though people are struggling, we can still expect a certain level of behavior, regardless (unless they are completely psychotic). Clearly, she is functioning at a job 30 hours a week, and that is a huge plus. </p><p></p><p>I would suggest setting some reasonable (key word here: reasonable) boundaries and requirements for her, that will help lead to more healthy behaviors from her, we hope, and also set limits on what you will and won't tolerate. It is okay to say, this is the boundary. I know for many of us, including me, for a long time I felt "mean" or "uncaring" or something, and so I let him get away with way way way too much. That is not helping our kids grow up and become responsible adults---which after all---is the goal. They can't and shouldn't live with us forever, in fact, I don't believe it's really good for us or them to live together after they reach adulthood. What is the plan for her and her boyfriend to move out? I hope there is a timeline for you.</p><p></p><p>hang in there, it sounds like there is much positive to build on. We're here for you no matter what.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Childofmine, post: 692554, member: 17542"] Hi Bigdaddy and welcome to the forum. We're glad you're here. I'm so sorry about your loss and your daughter's loss. That has to be so hard for her at such a formative time of life. Having said that, of course, as you know, life goes on, and it sounds like she has been getting some help. I agree with SWOT that perhaps trying some other avenues. I so believe in the combination of therapy and medication for depression, anxiety, etc. I have seen it work very well for so many. Unfortunately, sometimes people have a bad experience early on and it make them think all therapists and specialists are the same way. I have had great experience with therapists myself, so I would encourage you to kindly and firmly sit down with your daughter---who is by all rights an adult now, even if the maturity is still lagging behind like it does for most---and talk about what needs to happen. I don't know if this is the case with you or not, but sometimes we aren't clear enough and firm enough in our requirements for what it will take to "continue living here." I know I wasn't for a long time. I let so many things slide, and the view of my Difficult Child seemed to be that he was going to push that envelope even further. Even though people are struggling, we can still expect a certain level of behavior, regardless (unless they are completely psychotic). Clearly, she is functioning at a job 30 hours a week, and that is a huge plus. I would suggest setting some reasonable (key word here: reasonable) boundaries and requirements for her, that will help lead to more healthy behaviors from her, we hope, and also set limits on what you will and won't tolerate. It is okay to say, this is the boundary. I know for many of us, including me, for a long time I felt "mean" or "uncaring" or something, and so I let him get away with way way way too much. That is not helping our kids grow up and become responsible adults---which after all---is the goal. They can't and shouldn't live with us forever, in fact, I don't believe it's really good for us or them to live together after they reach adulthood. What is the plan for her and her boyfriend to move out? I hope there is a timeline for you. hang in there, it sounds like there is much positive to build on. We're here for you no matter what. [/QUOTE]
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