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19 year old homeless son
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<blockquote data-quote="Echolette" data-source="post: 648579" data-attributes="member: 17269"><p>cb,</p><p></p><p>Welcome to our club...I'm sorry you had to find us, but I'm glad that we are here for you and for each other. </p><p></p><p>Your son sounds like a lot of our adult children. Stealing from family is common here, Peter Pan desire to not grow up, fighting, getting kicked out of places, even having friends or girl/boyfriends call...we see all these things.</p><p></p><p>Why do you feel guilty? I can't really know, since your story is so new to us. Did you feel guilty before the friend called? What did he say that made you react this way?</p><p></p><p>Sometimes I think there is an element of out of sight out of mind...not completely of course, but still, it is easier not to consume ourselves in the flames of their lives if they are not happening right under our noses. But just cause we are not consumeed doesn't mean we are healing...if you just ignore the issues, then you yourself don't get better from this trauma, you just sort of get a break from it because he is away. But having some one bring it up, especially in any kind of accusatory "why won't you help your own child" way, opens the wounds.</p><p></p><p>You have no need to feel guilty, CB. You have reacted appropriately to an adult who steals from you and makes you feel unsafe. There is nothing else a sane person could have done. So why do you feel guilty? Because you, and we all, need support to get through this stuff, to come to terms with who are kids are, their choices, who we are, our choices. Do you have a therapist? A support group? If not I strongly suggest you find one. You need care and help. Having a child treat you this way, and the positions that it forces you into, is devastating, beyond terrible. It is a trauma. A lot of us joke (or maybe not a joke) about having PTSD. All of us grope and struggle towards being whole and well, whatever our kids our doing. That is a journey for the brave at heart (we call each other warriors). And it is a journey that needs the help of experts and friends.</p><p></p><p>Try not to feel guilty tonight. Try to let the other, purer emotions be as they are...your fear, your grief, your love for your son, or for the son that was, or the son you hoped would be. Let yourself feel those emotions.</p><p></p><p>Your boy is still quite young. Does he have a diagnosis? We can hope at that age, before he becomes really entrenched, that he may still figure things out. I don't know, but we would be glad to hear more about him.</p><p></p><p>I'm rambling a bit, I'm sorrry. But I wanted you to know that we are here, and we are listening.</p><p></p><p>Yours,</p><p>Echo</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Echolette, post: 648579, member: 17269"] cb, Welcome to our club...I'm sorry you had to find us, but I'm glad that we are here for you and for each other. Your son sounds like a lot of our adult children. Stealing from family is common here, Peter Pan desire to not grow up, fighting, getting kicked out of places, even having friends or girl/boyfriends call...we see all these things. Why do you feel guilty? I can't really know, since your story is so new to us. Did you feel guilty before the friend called? What did he say that made you react this way? Sometimes I think there is an element of out of sight out of mind...not completely of course, but still, it is easier not to consume ourselves in the flames of their lives if they are not happening right under our noses. But just cause we are not consumeed doesn't mean we are healing...if you just ignore the issues, then you yourself don't get better from this trauma, you just sort of get a break from it because he is away. But having some one bring it up, especially in any kind of accusatory "why won't you help your own child" way, opens the wounds. You have no need to feel guilty, CB. You have reacted appropriately to an adult who steals from you and makes you feel unsafe. There is nothing else a sane person could have done. So why do you feel guilty? Because you, and we all, need support to get through this stuff, to come to terms with who are kids are, their choices, who we are, our choices. Do you have a therapist? A support group? If not I strongly suggest you find one. You need care and help. Having a child treat you this way, and the positions that it forces you into, is devastating, beyond terrible. It is a trauma. A lot of us joke (or maybe not a joke) about having PTSD. All of us grope and struggle towards being whole and well, whatever our kids our doing. That is a journey for the brave at heart (we call each other warriors). And it is a journey that needs the help of experts and friends. Try not to feel guilty tonight. Try to let the other, purer emotions be as they are...your fear, your grief, your love for your son, or for the son that was, or the son you hoped would be. Let yourself feel those emotions. Your boy is still quite young. Does he have a diagnosis? We can hope at that age, before he becomes really entrenched, that he may still figure things out. I don't know, but we would be glad to hear more about him. I'm rambling a bit, I'm sorrry. But I wanted you to know that we are here, and we are listening. Yours, Echo [/QUOTE]
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