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19 year old son refuses to get a job
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<blockquote data-quote="BusynMember" data-source="post: 708302" data-attributes="member: 1550"><p>There is NEVER a guarantee that once in the miiitary your son will not be sent into combat. When you sign up, you are offering to fight. You cant bargain on this. My hub is a ten year vet snd maintains friendships with vets and those in the military now. When there us a war, anyone is fair game. Many shocked kids in tje National Guard were sent to Iraq. I would not go thrre with your son. Evrn just bring near combat could destroy his life and he would have no control over what the military telos him to do. My hub mever went into combat, but he knew it could happen and was willing to fight. As it was, he lost a great deal of his hearing by working on airline flight lines. The military is for mentally strong young people and even they tend to break if sent into combat, always a good possibilty. </p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>Now...I have yet to see a way to force our failure to launch kids to launch. If they dont want to, they dont. We can take steps and hope they motivate them, such as cutting off the money for allowance, toys, cars. Some give a deadline for a job or make their adult child leave. At your sons young age, id try motivation first. No job, no money.</p><p></p><p>More importantly I think your son needs to be evaluated for certain disorders or mental illness and you can insist he helps hiimself in this way or he has six months to get ready to move out. Or you can just refuse to pay for anything unless he cooperates.If you support him while he doesnt help himself, he may never launch into adulthood and independence. </p><p><span style="font-size: 16px"></span></p><p><span style="font-size: 16px">At 19, try not to let fear of a job become his way of life. If he is mentally ill, now is the time for him to get help, before he falls into helplessness and starts to think he is hopeless. He is not hopeless or becomes eternally dependent on you.He needs help though. Professionals can diagnose him and treat him and offer therapy. If he qualifies as disabled he can receive social security. More importantly, he qualifies for Thr Dept. Of Workforce Development and they eork feverishly to get thieir clients appropriate jobs. Tjey have connections and even offer on-the-job coaches, as needed.</span></p><p><span style="font-size: 16px"></span></p><p><span style="font-size: 16px">My son is autistic. He has always worked because of them. He gets only a little social security to supplement him. All of his friends, most mildly disabled, also have part time jobs with some social security. My son pays his own bills and lives in an apartment he pays for. Its not fancy or big, but its clean and cozy and he does for himself. Without these services, which he barely needs anymore, he would never have reached this point. He is 23 and quite confident and happy. We live near him but I csnt think of the last time he called for help. We ARE his payees and pay his bills for him, but it is out of his own money, not ours.</span></p><p></p><p>The earlier you gently encourage your son to get help, the easier it is. Sounds like he has issues and as his mom you are too emotionally involved to objectively figure out what they are and you dont have the resources to help him. Its not your fault. </p><p></p><p>Reach out. Teach your son where to go to reach out. He needs these skills. Do this while he is still young.</p><p></p><p>In the end, you need his cooperation. And if he wont help himself and wont work, you have to decide how long you wish to support him while he does nothing.</p><p></p><p>Your son not being on drugs is a big positive. But something is obviously different about him as most older teens are eager to launch and be independent. He may have mild autism or some other invisible disability. </p><p></p><p>It all starts with knowing what is different about him and taking action before not working becomes a habit. Do not be acraid to find out. This sets you both back.</p><p></p><p></p><p>Lots and lots of love and luck.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="BusynMember, post: 708302, member: 1550"] There is NEVER a guarantee that once in the miiitary your son will not be sent into combat. When you sign up, you are offering to fight. You cant bargain on this. My hub is a ten year vet snd maintains friendships with vets and those in the military now. When there us a war, anyone is fair game. Many shocked kids in tje National Guard were sent to Iraq. I would not go thrre with your son. Evrn just bring near combat could destroy his life and he would have no control over what the military telos him to do. My hub mever went into combat, but he knew it could happen and was willing to fight. As it was, he lost a great deal of his hearing by working on airline flight lines. The military is for mentally strong young people and even they tend to break if sent into combat, always a good possibilty. Now...I have yet to see a way to force our failure to launch kids to launch. If they dont want to, they dont. We can take steps and hope they motivate them, such as cutting off the money for allowance, toys, cars. Some give a deadline for a job or make their adult child leave. At your sons young age, id try motivation first. No job, no money. More importantly I think your son needs to be evaluated for certain disorders or mental illness and you can insist he helps hiimself in this way or he has six months to get ready to move out. Or you can just refuse to pay for anything unless he cooperates.If you support him while he doesnt help himself, he may never launch into adulthood and independence. [SIZE=16px] At 19, try not to let fear of a job become his way of life. If he is mentally ill, now is the time for him to get help, before he falls into helplessness and starts to think he is hopeless. He is not hopeless or becomes eternally dependent on you.He needs help though. Professionals can diagnose him and treat him and offer therapy. If he qualifies as disabled he can receive social security. More importantly, he qualifies for Thr Dept. Of Workforce Development and they eork feverishly to get thieir clients appropriate jobs. Tjey have connections and even offer on-the-job coaches, as needed. My son is autistic. He has always worked because of them. He gets only a little social security to supplement him. All of his friends, most mildly disabled, also have part time jobs with some social security. My son pays his own bills and lives in an apartment he pays for. Its not fancy or big, but its clean and cozy and he does for himself. Without these services, which he barely needs anymore, he would never have reached this point. He is 23 and quite confident and happy. We live near him but I csnt think of the last time he called for help. We ARE his payees and pay his bills for him, but it is out of his own money, not ours.[/SIZE] The earlier you gently encourage your son to get help, the easier it is. Sounds like he has issues and as his mom you are too emotionally involved to objectively figure out what they are and you dont have the resources to help him. Its not your fault. Reach out. Teach your son where to go to reach out. He needs these skills. Do this while he is still young. In the end, you need his cooperation. And if he wont help himself and wont work, you have to decide how long you wish to support him while he does nothing. Your son not being on drugs is a big positive. But something is obviously different about him as most older teens are eager to launch and be independent. He may have mild autism or some other invisible disability. It all starts with knowing what is different about him and taking action before not working becomes a habit. Do not be acraid to find out. This sets you both back. Lots and lots of love and luck. [/QUOTE]
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