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1st Post - (Hi!) Have Been Struggling with Tough Love
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<blockquote data-quote="recoveringenabler" data-source="post: 653135" data-attributes="member: 13542"><p>Welcome Firedancermom. Your story is not unlike many of ours.....we know how you feel, we've all been there. The other warrior mom's have given you stellar advice, they know what they're talking about. </p><p></p><p>You're in that sticky place where we teeter on the razor's edge of love for them and the knowledge, often buried deep within us, that we cannot abide their behavior any longer...our own lives are now at stake...often we teeter on that sharp edge for a long time....you've worked though a lot of it with the support system you have, you're doing a pretty good job amidst the insanity you've been living with.....you are a strong warrior mom too. Stay the course, you know in your heart of hearts that what you are doing is the right thing. Your son has made his choices, bad as they may be......there is nothing you can do now, it's ALL up to him.</p><p></p><p>As the others have said, it's warmer, there are shelters and food banks, food stamps and health care, he can even get a free phone........our kids are resourceful and highly manipulative........our best course of action is to refrain. Don't read the texts, don't respond, take a step back and then another. Read books like Codependent no more, by Melodie Beattie.....anything by Pema Chodron, Brene Brown and Eckhart Tolle. Living in uncertainty and chaos is a real learning curve for us humans.......we don't usually do change, chaos and uncertainty well. But we can learn. </p><p></p><p>It's a strange trajectory, it is not a linear process, it is up and down and sideways, we have to learn how to respond differently, how to let go, how to set strong unbreakable boundaries, how to keep our inquiries to ourselves, how to walk away, how to not take on the guilt, how to say a resounding NO, how to put the focus on ourselves and our other kids, how to enjoy life again, how to recognize manipulation......... and, how to accept <em>what is</em> with as much grace as we can muster (and sometimes grace is way too far out of reach, we just do what we can). None of this is easy. Yet it is doable. Most of us here are doing it......and some of us have gone through the 'forrest of doom' and emerged out the other side. There IS light at the end of that dark forrest.......</p><p></p><p>Keep doing what you're doing, get as much support as you possibly can, we all need that, be very, very kind and generous with yourself, treat yourself, love yourself, nurture yourself.......keep writing and expressing your story........hang around with us.....we're glad you found us, glad you're here.......sending you a big hug for your hurting mothers heart.....</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="recoveringenabler, post: 653135, member: 13542"] Welcome Firedancermom. Your story is not unlike many of ours.....we know how you feel, we've all been there. The other warrior mom's have given you stellar advice, they know what they're talking about. You're in that sticky place where we teeter on the razor's edge of love for them and the knowledge, often buried deep within us, that we cannot abide their behavior any longer...our own lives are now at stake...often we teeter on that sharp edge for a long time....you've worked though a lot of it with the support system you have, you're doing a pretty good job amidst the insanity you've been living with.....you are a strong warrior mom too. Stay the course, you know in your heart of hearts that what you are doing is the right thing. Your son has made his choices, bad as they may be......there is nothing you can do now, it's ALL up to him. As the others have said, it's warmer, there are shelters and food banks, food stamps and health care, he can even get a free phone........our kids are resourceful and highly manipulative........our best course of action is to refrain. Don't read the texts, don't respond, take a step back and then another. Read books like Codependent no more, by Melodie Beattie.....anything by Pema Chodron, Brene Brown and Eckhart Tolle. Living in uncertainty and chaos is a real learning curve for us humans.......we don't usually do change, chaos and uncertainty well. But we can learn. It's a strange trajectory, it is not a linear process, it is up and down and sideways, we have to learn how to respond differently, how to let go, how to set strong unbreakable boundaries, how to keep our inquiries to ourselves, how to walk away, how to not take on the guilt, how to say a resounding NO, how to put the focus on ourselves and our other kids, how to enjoy life again, how to recognize manipulation......... and, how to accept [I]what is[/I] with as much grace as we can muster (and sometimes grace is way too far out of reach, we just do what we can). None of this is easy. Yet it is doable. Most of us here are doing it......and some of us have gone through the 'forrest of doom' and emerged out the other side. There IS light at the end of that dark forrest....... Keep doing what you're doing, get as much support as you possibly can, we all need that, be very, very kind and generous with yourself, treat yourself, love yourself, nurture yourself.......keep writing and expressing your story........hang around with us.....we're glad you found us, glad you're here.......sending you a big hug for your hurting mothers heart..... [/QUOTE]
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