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1st Post - (Hi!) Have Been Struggling with Tough Love
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<blockquote data-quote="Scent of Cedar *" data-source="post: 653320" data-attributes="member: 17461"><p>Yes.</p><p></p><p>It helps me to remember that it is the situation that is bad. Not my child, not me. The situation. That way, I can see more clearly what action to take and stick to it.</p><p></p><p>Most of the time.</p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>Pasa is right. When we help too much, we can be pretty sure we are twisting the child's ability to step into self-respecting adulthood. After a point, we encourage dependence instead of independence. The change happens in the child's mind. That is why they remain fixated on us well into their adulthoods. </p><p></p><p>We have to stop doing that, and let them (or force them into) growing up.</p><p></p><p>Self respect is a precious thing.</p><p></p><p>Independence is a precious thing, a wonderful feeling compared to dependence.</p><p></p><p>(According to our Recovering Enabler, we can tell we are enabling when we resent the help we are giving.)</p><p></p><p>(HA PASA!!! HAPPY BUTTS!!!</p><p></p><p><img src="/community/styles/default/xenforo/smilies/emoticons/hugs.gif" class="smilie" loading="lazy" alt=":hugs:" title="hugs :hugs:" data-shortname=":hugs:" /></p><p></p><p>Cedar</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Scent of Cedar *, post: 653320, member: 17461"] Yes. It helps me to remember that it is the situation that is bad. Not my child, not me. The situation. That way, I can see more clearly what action to take and stick to it. Most of the time. Pasa is right. When we help too much, we can be pretty sure we are twisting the child's ability to step into self-respecting adulthood. After a point, we encourage dependence instead of independence. The change happens in the child's mind. That is why they remain fixated on us well into their adulthoods. We have to stop doing that, and let them (or force them into) growing up. Self respect is a precious thing. Independence is a precious thing, a wonderful feeling compared to dependence. (According to our Recovering Enabler, we can tell we are enabling when we resent the help we are giving.) (HA PASA!!! HAPPY BUTTS!!! :hugs: Cedar [/QUOTE]
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1st Post - (Hi!) Have Been Struggling with Tough Love
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