2 cards from difficult child just arrived in the mail

[klmno]

One is for the dogs because I always send him holiday cards from the dogs as well as from me- it's all I can send him so....

And the other one says:

I found these cards and I remember how you always used to send cards to thank people for sending you cards. (I think it's dumb for real.) HAHA But, I guess you deserve one since you sent me a couple.

Love,
difficult child

Does the day ever come when you figure out if you should laugh or be insulted, and just what you're supposed to do with them in general?? LOL!

In fairness to him, he did include a letter to me.

 

[buddy]

I am shocked... at my own response here..... I was reading and my eyes blurred and my throat felt choked up... SO, I guess that means I think it is a really sweet thing.

 

[InsaneCdn]

Given the usual social awkwardness of difficult children... I'd take it positive, too.
He still wants YOU in his life.

 

[susiestar]

I thought it was cute. So he thinks it is dumb but he also thought you would like it so he did it anyway. At least that is what it would mean in "Wiz-speak" or as I called it once in a while "Wizdom". I only used that because Wiz thought it was funny, not because I thought he was dumb.

I think we can take stuff like that to mean they love us because they don't understand why WE like it or do it but they are willing to do it for us. Esp if "the guys" don't find out. Meaning whatever guys they spend time with who might think it was dumb.

 

[klmno]

thank you! I think what sticks out in my mind is that he actually does remember me sending out thank you cards to people, even after all that's happened including him being incarcerated 98% of the time since he turned 14yo, and that something registered with him to do this, too. Maybe someday more of what I tried so hard to teach him will come out.

In the meantime, I guess I'll enjoy this level of thoughtfulness from him. The letter was nice....

 

[klmno]

LOL Susie- I like that!

 

[TeDo]

This tells you that stuff has gotten through. It's a good sign and I LOVE it when difficult child's do what they think is "right" just because we tell them it is right. How nice for you.

 

[KTMom91]

Definitely a good thing.

 

[zaftigmama]

I think it's the best kind of affection--something that's specific to you, not some candy-coated generic shtick.

 

[DDD]

I think it's really neat. DDD

 

[klmno]

difficult child should get a silly b-day card "from the dogs" today and then tomorrow, his actual b-day, a card from me and a letter stating I have a little moeny set aside for clothes and necessaties for his release in 3 weeks and $100 that I won't give him in cash but he can view as an allowance for fun money, something he wants or wants to do...and I'll cook him a meal and make him a b-day cake of his choosing as soon as we have a chance together. And I printed out the lyrics to The Rose and sent that , saying I thought it expressed a mother's love for her child and how i felt about him. I guess he'll surely keep that hidden from the other boys. LOL!

 

[susiestar]

I think that in time you will find out that difficult child remembers a LOT of what you taught him and did with him. I haen't lived with Wiz since he was 14 and he is now 20. Our relationship was rocky for a LOT of reasons but largely because we had people doing things to interfere in our bond.

Yet almost every time I see him he says something or does something that shows me that he truly does love me, he really was listening back then, and he knows that I did what I did out of love and NOT because I hated him or ever wanted to hurt him.

I think the same thing will pop out at you as the 2 of you reconnect and figure out what your relationship will be from now on.

 

[TerryJ2]

Klmno, I would absolutely view this as a POSITVE! It is his awkward way of communicating and reaching out to you. Bravo! (To both of you.)

 

[buddy]

klmno, your parenting journey has been rough for sure, but what an amazing mom you are.

 

[klmno]

thank you- everyone!

I have to say that tonight I'm pretty ticked at him though. I told him that I was trying to get someone higher to review his whole case about 2-3 weeks ago and to make sure he towed the line. WTH is he thinking about when he wants to sneak candy back?I mean really- every time my kid has a chance to get things turned around, he sabatoges it. I don't have a ckue if he does this intentionally or not- all I know is that I can remember when he was on probation and I begged him, literally, in front of his psychiatric, to get up and do what he was supposed to so I didn't lose my job....and what did he do???

I'm starting to feel like my kid is the only one in the world who makes insane decisions like this.

He was doing well on his unit- he had reached the highest level and was made some sort of leader- he had 3 weeks left and knew I was fighting forhis case to get reviewed. Who the heck blows this over a piece of candy on his b-day? Is it that he doesn't think he deserves better or is he trying to get back at me or is it that he doesn't really give a koi or is he truly mentally ill or some combination of all these things?

Ilove him- I swear I do- but there are times I think I could do ...well....

 

[InsaneCdn]

Who the heck blows this over a piece of candy on his b-day? Is it that he doesn't think he deserves better or is he trying to get back at me or is it that he doesn't really give a koi or is he truly mentally ill or some combination of all these things?

Too much, too fast... overwhelmed.
And then... fastest fix for that is... carbs. AKA candy.

Not thinking things through, of course. But I'm guessing there has been a build up... and no outlet. Too many loose ends hanging out there. And so... he just CAN'T hold it together. I still think you're doing the right things.

 

[klmno]

Ya know...in some strange way I can actually understand that. Maybe I'm just nuts too...

When things seem too good to be true or just not a comfortable fit in general, I seem to mess up- not on purpose but it just seems to happen,