2 Felonies/Children's Court
- Thread starter AtThe Brink
- Start date
AtThe Brink
New Member
Well, I'll tell ya what. I had some hesitation on whether or not to reply for fear of standing in judgment. But I am just gonna throw this out there and judge me if you will(I don't think you guys are judgmental because many of you have experienced many of the things we have and have perhaps been down the same road but, we have been judged by many...its what we are used to). I know "WE" aren't the ones that made the bad choices. I know "WE" have done EVERYTHING in our power to set him on the straight and narrow. Nothing worked. Sooooooo, that being said.............we will not be going to court to defend our son. He started this when he was in 3rd grade with sexually inappropriate behavior and social services was called and Jeremy(in "3rd" grade)told them that he and my husband watched porn together. :grrr: and he had stolen some stuff from a museum on a field trip and was talked to by the police for an hour before he admitted taking the stuff(by the way, THIS talk with the police was on OUR accord, the school didn't have a CLUE). And just one thing after another. Bad bad behavior at school. Now his deal is to tell other friends parents that he is being mistreated even to the point of crying, saying he's afraid to come home. He's manipulative and lies ALOT and he doesn't give a 
about all this. All's he cares about is him, without thinking about how this affects other people. We have had many visits from SS, the first contact about the sexually inappropriate behavior and that consisted of weekly visits for 12 weeks. He has literally(this year) RAN from 3 squads in our town. And no citations were give. He has vandalized the funeral home in our town in the amount of 500 bucks. Again, NOTHING. He has (this year too) stolen money from my purse, I called the police and while the police where here it magically appeared back in my purse and they couldn't prove he intended to keep it so NOTHING. He has been caught 2 times lighting off fireworks again, NOTHING. He has spent almost 3 weeks(total of 2 visits)at a mental health hospital. Before that we took him to a public youth counseling center for 2 weeks. Several psychologist(can one actually find a psychologist that can see behind the manipulation and lying). My 17 yo daughter goes the the same school as difficult child and her relationships are being affected by difficult child behaviors. EVERYONE at school knows him. Not for good reasons either. We have a total of 55 pages of all police contacts re difficult child. That doesn't even include records for the 2 felonies(those are still open cases so we can't have access to them). He has adversely cause damaged to all the relationships within the house. I, daughter and other DS are going to a psychotherapist now. I feel there is nothing more we can do. And yes, he is on medications. For what reason? I am still not sure.
We call the police just about everytime when he doesn't come home from school or takes off on the weekend, which is weekly(sometimes more). Speaking of, while I was distracted on the phone(about 11:00 a.m.) he took off and he is still not home and he has been entered into the database as missing. For us it is now just documentation to go to court with. I absolutely HATE to see him go to "juvy" because of the stories I've heard but I can't help but be relieved to think that we could live "normally"(for whatever that means
)and I would actually have happiness again. Does any of this make sense? I am really scatterbrained sometimes with all the crud going on. Okay. Thanks EVERYONE for all you help, suggestions, support, hugs, etc. I do appreciate every last bit of it. (((hugs)))
about all this. All's he cares about is him, without thinking about how this affects other people. We have had many visits from SS, the first contact about the sexually inappropriate behavior and that consisted of weekly visits for 12 weeks. He has literally(this year) RAN from 3 squads in our town. And no citations were give. He has vandalized the funeral home in our town in the amount of 500 bucks. Again, NOTHING. He has (this year too) stolen money from my purse, I called the police and while the police where here it magically appeared back in my purse and they couldn't prove he intended to keep it so NOTHING. He has been caught 2 times lighting off fireworks again, NOTHING. He has spent almost 3 weeks(total of 2 visits)at a mental health hospital. Before that we took him to a public youth counseling center for 2 weeks. Several psychologist(can one actually find a psychologist that can see behind the manipulation and lying). My 17 yo daughter goes the the same school as difficult child and her relationships are being affected by difficult child behaviors. EVERYONE at school knows him. Not for good reasons either. We have a total of 55 pages of all police contacts re difficult child. That doesn't even include records for the 2 felonies(those are still open cases so we can't have access to them). He has adversely cause damaged to all the relationships within the house. I, daughter and other DS are going to a psychotherapist now. I feel there is nothing more we can do. And yes, he is on medications. For what reason? I am still not sure.We call the police just about everytime when he doesn't come home from school or takes off on the weekend, which is weekly(sometimes more). Speaking of, while I was distracted on the phone(about 11:00 a.m.) he took off and he is still not home and he has been entered into the database as missing. For us it is now just documentation to go to court with. I absolutely HATE to see him go to "juvy" because of the stories I've heard but I can't help but be relieved to think that we could live "normally"(for whatever that means
)and I would actually have happiness again. Does any of this make sense? I am really scatterbrained sometimes with all the crud going on. Okay. Thanks EVERYONE for all you help, suggestions, support, hugs, etc. I do appreciate every last bit of it. (((hugs)))
Sheila
Moderator
So sorry for your problems with difficult child. It sounds as if you and your family have been through the ringer.
Your signature reflects difficult child is diagnosed with-ADHD and depression. I could sure be wrong, but it sounds to me as if he may not be appropriately diagnosed, e.g., much more may be going on.
Has bipolar disorder been ruled out? It tends to be genetic (like many other disorders). If there's a possibility of bipolar, the stimulant and Zoloft could be causing some of these behavior problems.....
Your signature reflects difficult child is diagnosed with-ADHD and depression. I could sure be wrong, but it sounds to me as if he may not be appropriately diagnosed, e.g., much more may be going on.
Has bipolar disorder been ruled out? It tends to be genetic (like many other disorders). If there's a possibility of bipolar, the stimulant and Zoloft could be causing some of these behavior problems.....
AtThe Brink
New Member
Oh, okay. I guess my sig needs updating then. lol He has ADHD, Conduct Disorder(very new diagnosis and he fits it like a glove from the reading I've done), and Depression. He is taking Risperidal, Depakote(a dose in the A.M and a dose in the PM.) and Zoloft. There has been no mention of BiPolar to ME anyway.
ShakespeareMamaX
New Member
Maybe you could throw a suggestion to the lawyer to see about your difficult child going to a long term psychiatric hospital instead of a detention center? I think it may be more effective...maybe.
I sympathize with your decision, though. Enough is enough, and I know when I was 14, I knew well enough what I was doing, good or bad (taking into consideration his Dxs...I had/have the depression and the ADHD, as well).
Whatever you do, Mama, I pray this will be the wake up call he needs. You know what's best and what needs to be done.
Bless you all... Keep us updated. I really hope your husband and you don't have to take the fall, moneywise. I think some (a LOT of)community service from your son should even out the score on that one.
<3 <3 <3
P.S. I've learned from experience...you are never judged on this forum (that's one of the reasons why I love it!!!).
I sympathize with your decision, though. Enough is enough, and I know when I was 14, I knew well enough what I was doing, good or bad (taking into consideration his Dxs...I had/have the depression and the ADHD, as well).
Whatever you do, Mama, I pray this will be the wake up call he needs. You know what's best and what needs to be done.
Bless you all... Keep us updated. I really hope your husband and you don't have to take the fall, moneywise. I think some (a LOT of)community service from your son should even out the score on that one.
<3 <3 <3
P.S. I've learned from experience...you are never judged on this forum (that's one of the reasons why I love it!!!).
busywend
Well-Known Member
Geesh - how could you feel any differently? Your family has been abused. I do not blame you one bit. I think a psychiatric hospital or residential treatment facility would be much more beneficial for him, but I think it will be difficult to get a judge to do that given the amount of crime he has committed. Why have they not given him any punishment to date? Why is he even still in your home?
YOu may even want to look into foster care for him. This would seem the best for the family.
YOu may even want to look into foster care for him. This would seem the best for the family.
AtThe Brink
New Member
I am certainly going to suggest that he go to a residential treatment facility(thats a great idea ShakespearMama)
Busywendy.........as far as not getting in trouble.......well, the deal with the funeral home is that they wanted restitution and I told the PD that if they want their money then go through children's court to get it(in hopes that difficult child having to appear before the judge would straighten him out or shake him up a bit)well, the funeral home didn't wanna pursue charges so NOTHING(the case is closed). Stealing money from my purse, they couldn't prove he intended to keep it because it wound up back in my purse so they can't prosecute for this!? The fireworks.............have not a clue why he wasn't given a municipal citation(aren't the police supposed to "protect" the community?)
As far as foster care, well, I asked SS about that but they require counseling for the whole family in order to do this and my husband ain't having it(everything gets pitched his way by Jeremy when Jeremy gets into trouble.)Yeah, in one of the police reports.......my husband gets drunk and beats him. :grrr:
Not sure why he didn't get in trouble for running from the police either. If "I" did that I'd be sitting in jail. It IS against the law.
We are going to go and file a JIPS petition to have him removed from the home but we can't even start that procedure until his court stuff is all done. Its just crazy............our hands are tied meanwhile, difficult child is untouchable and continues to run up vandalism charges and do whatever he wants(basically). Plus, I have missed plenty of work just because of him getting suspended from school and having to gather up paper trail to build "our" case. At this point, I really don't care about the money. We just want him out.
Busywendy.........as far as not getting in trouble.......well, the deal with the funeral home is that they wanted restitution and I told the PD that if they want their money then go through children's court to get it(in hopes that difficult child having to appear before the judge would straighten him out or shake him up a bit)well, the funeral home didn't wanna pursue charges so NOTHING(the case is closed). Stealing money from my purse, they couldn't prove he intended to keep it because it wound up back in my purse so they can't prosecute for this!? The fireworks.............have not a clue why he wasn't given a municipal citation(aren't the police supposed to "protect" the community?)
As far as foster care, well, I asked SS about that but they require counseling for the whole family in order to do this and my husband ain't having it(everything gets pitched his way by Jeremy when Jeremy gets into trouble.)Yeah, in one of the police reports.......my husband gets drunk and beats him. :grrr:
Not sure why he didn't get in trouble for running from the police either. If "I" did that I'd be sitting in jail. It IS against the law.
We are going to go and file a JIPS petition to have him removed from the home but we can't even start that procedure until his court stuff is all done. Its just crazy............our hands are tied meanwhile, difficult child is untouchable and continues to run up vandalism charges and do whatever he wants(basically). Plus, I have missed plenty of work just because of him getting suspended from school and having to gather up paper trail to build "our" case. At this point, I really don't care about the money. We just want him out.
DammitJanet
Well-Known Member
From what you are describing conduct disorder does sound like a valid diagnosis. I can fully empathize with you because I have a kid that is the same way.
Honestly the only thing you can do is keep trying to make someone hold his feet to the fire. Eventually he has to learn that his actions have consequences. Until he learns that he will continue on this path of destruction. Therapy for him wont really work because he doesnt think he has anything wrong with him. Get therapy for yourself so you can deal with the fallout.
Hugs.
Honestly the only thing you can do is keep trying to make someone hold his feet to the fire. Eventually he has to learn that his actions have consequences. Until he learns that he will continue on this path of destruction. Therapy for him wont really work because he doesnt think he has anything wrong with him. Get therapy for yourself so you can deal with the fallout.
Hugs.
Oh, honey, I totally understand how you feel!!
Why on Earth is the system so idiotic??!!!! NO consequences so far??? Call the cops every time you can to get the papertrail to have him removed. If husband won't agree to foster placement or therapy, can you use this as a reason to remove him??
The little liar is telling everyone how horrible you are, it must be very hard not to make his "dreams" come true and beat him to a pulp. But it would only get YOU into trouble and be an excuse he uses to get out of trouble.
I am so sorry, it stinks to be abused this way.
Susie
Why on Earth is the system so idiotic??!!!! NO consequences so far??? Call the cops every time you can to get the papertrail to have him removed. If husband won't agree to foster placement or therapy, can you use this as a reason to remove him??
The little liar is telling everyone how horrible you are, it must be very hard not to make his "dreams" come true and beat him to a pulp. But it would only get YOU into trouble and be an excuse he uses to get out of trouble.
I am so sorry, it stinks to be abused this way.
Susie
DDD
Well-Known Member
Your circumstances appear to be alot different than ours. That is the beauty of this CD family...we all know that life is not a
cookie cutter existence. We support each other. It sounds like
your family needs big time support and help from your husband on down
to the youngest. Fingers crossed that you get what you need. DDD
cookie cutter existence. We support each other. It sounds like
your family needs big time support and help from your husband on down
to the youngest. Fingers crossed that you get what you need. DDD
jamrobmic
New Member
I think if my son had put us through what yours has, I would feel the same way you do. I'm blown away that the authorities haven't done much with all of the things your son has done. My son was locked up for three weeks (including Christmas) for skipping a half hour study hall while on probation. FWIW, we were told a lot of programs can't be accessed unless the child is in the juvenile system, so maybe your son will eventually get the help he needs if the system ever decides to hold him accountable. I hope at the very least that the rest of your family is able to get some relief from the chaos.
Anna1345
New Member
OMG I am so sorry you are having to go through this. I can only imagine your angst.
My sister used to do a lot of juvi law and is now a judge so she sees these types of cases all the time. She'll call me and tell me certain things that are illegal and what I should look out for with my difficult child. However, she is one of those lawyers/judges that really wants to be there to benefit the kid and give him a chance to be a contributing member of society in life. You need to find a good lawyer who specializes in juvi law (call your state's bar association for a few names). Your little one is only 14; even though very adult acts, he is still a little boy. He needs some one who will fight for him, give tough love, and not take any. Know what I mean??
Hang in there!
My sister used to do a lot of juvi law and is now a judge so she sees these types of cases all the time. She'll call me and tell me certain things that are illegal and what I should look out for with my difficult child. However, she is one of those lawyers/judges that really wants to be there to benefit the kid and give him a chance to be a contributing member of society in life. You need to find a good lawyer who specializes in juvi law (call your state's bar association for a few names). Your little one is only 14; even though very adult acts, he is still a little boy. He needs some one who will fight for him, give tough love, and not take any
. Know what I mean??Hang in there!
