2 Steps forward and 3 steps back yet again

Discussion in 'Substance Abuse' started by exhausted, Jul 10, 2012.

  1. exhausted

    exhausted Active Member

    difficult child has somehow lengthened her drama/relapse cycle each time. We got about 5 weeks out of this one. LAst night we were awakened by the phone ringing at 1:30 (husband has to be up and at work by 5:00). Got up and difficult child was outside talking to this guy she met at her first job and sometimes talks to over the phone. I knew this was coming. One friend is on vacation, one is now working and available 24 hours and she was bored. Also she got a Facebook message from his girlfriend to back off-don't know how she even knew difficult child, who claims to have not ever known her. She claims no sexual interest-but what was he doing at 1:30 am. I gave it some time then went to the door-she came in the moment I opened the door and he was already hoofing it-they heard me get up I'm sure.

    I texted him on my phone-she had borrowed it to text him while we were out shopping yesterday. I told him he woke us up and he needed to come during the day to meet us-man-up basically (why oh why don't I just shut up and stay out of it.. I just can't seem to all the time) Of course I got the excuse chain...... Then I got difficult child frantic about losing another friend and it is all my fault blah..blah!

    I told her to go to bed, I was tired. I again reminded her of our boundaries about phone calls and tried to sleep.

    This morning as I was dusting around computer, found 2 names and prisoner numbers (By now I know what these look like and they start with 18 always). She's in relapse again. The boredom, not going to meetings but then telling me she was going to go with a friend from 1st Residential Treatment Center (RTC), the not being motivated to do anything really.

    Hope she will pull it together. 18 is coming on fast and she has to be working or going to school (sucessfully) full time to be here. I hope I can do it.

    I am proud that I did not obsess, that I am carrying on with my day and I will not go over this with her. Just needed to get this out of me and vent.
  2. Kathy813

    Kathy813 Well-Known Member Staff Member

    When does she turn 18? I would like to tell you that it gets easier once they turn 18 but here I am nine years later . . .

  3. buddy

    buddy New Member

    Sorry to hear that. I hope it doesnt get worse. Sounds like you did well given the circumstances. Hang tough!
  4. DDD

    DDD Well-Known Member

    Hugs, Exhausted. I'm sorry life is so darn hard. DDD
  5. exhausted

    exhausted Active Member

    Kathy, she turns 18 the end of September. Thanks daughter and Buddy
  6. Nancy

    Nancy Well-Known Member Staff Member

    I hate those relapses and I hate the ex-con friends they find in rehab and if truth be told I hate the whole drug/alcohol/ treatment/rehab/relapse/druggies thing altogether. I was doing the same thing you are when my difficult child was 17, chasing after all her drug friends and trying to keep her away from them. It made me sick and everything she relapsed I got more hopeless.

    I wish I could tell you it gets easier when she's 18 too but it doesn't. You then have to follow thru on your threats and its so hard to actually kick them out.

    Sending hugs and hope that she turns this,around but have your plan B ready.

  7. Signorina

    Signorina Guest

    {Hugs} dear friend. You know, I agree that 18 isn't a magic number. In a lot of ways, you just trade the ills of having a minor difficult child for the ills of having an adult difficult child.

    That said-you have a good head on your shoulders. You are so much further ahead than I am even now; and miles ahead of who I was when when difficult child was a minor. What I am reading in your post is that you haven't been able to do anything to fix her/stop her/get thru to her. Yet there is the expectation that you must keep at it-bc she is a minor. At least at 18 you can give up that societal illusion of duty. Because we all know that it isn't lack of parenting or caring that got our kids where they are.

  8. pinevalley

    pinevalley Member

    You are a very strong parent, and I like the way that you set very clear boundaries for your difficult child to follow. I am really hoping that your difficult child will learn to take responsibility for her own life when she is 18 years old and an adult. Many HUGS to you....
  9. AmericanGirl

    AmericanGirl Guest

    Exhausted, that's great how you didn't obsess and are maintaining your boundaries. I know it is scary...but you are doing all you can do.
  10. SuZir

    SuZir Well-Known Member

    Relapse thing totally hoovers. I too absolutely hate waiting for relapses, even though, or maybe because, my difficult child has went lightly with them. He has had only two (that I know) and they were extremely short, more like slips than real relapses. But I do know he is likely to relapse again and probably have at least few worse relapses during his life. And I just hate waiting for those. It is even difficult to be happy with his successes when you are afraid of relapses.

    Only thing that helps me with it is that I try to think them part of the recovery and learning experiences. The treatment program difficult child is involved told us right away that several relapses are likely to happen, they are not end of the world but something to learn from and part of the successful recovery. You are supposed to learn from them. Idea is, that relapse is not ending a recovery and you are not starting from point zero afterwards but just jumping back to the wagon and after analyzing the relapse you are again wiser and farther along in your recovery.

    But still it just blows so bad. I find some comfort from fact that I know many people who have struggled with substance abuse or addiction issues while young and still went and lived good life either free from those substance or with somehow finding some kind of balance with their problematic behaviours. It is not always ideal and doesn't often go with the ideas of full recovery and total abstention but is more of fluctuation between better and worse times, but still, it is a full life. Unfortunately it doesn't always go so and mortality with addiction is high so are possibilities to other bad outcomes, but still, most muddle through somehow.
  11. exhausted

    exhausted Active Member

    So difficult child went to after care at first Residential Treatment Center (RTC) last night and called a counselor to make an appointment-this guy use to work at Residential Treatment Center (RTC) and she likes him. The last one had no experience with any of difficult child's issues (despite mw requesting someone who dealt with Borderline (BPD) and addictions). I did not prompt this. I listened and asked her what she was going to do about her feelings and this is what she did. Good job difficult child. Hope it goes somewhere??
  12. AmericanGirl

    AmericanGirl Guest

    Great job Mom!