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2 Ungrateful Daughters
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<blockquote data-quote="Tanya M" data-source="post: 714806" data-attributes="member: 18516"><p>Wecome 3tough, I'm glad you reached out to us here.</p><p></p><p></p><p>It's hard for one to be grateful if they don't know what it's like to do without or to have work really hard for something. I know your mommy heart wants to give your daughters everything but that can actually cause more harm than good. They are learning to equate your love with "things".</p><p></p><p></p><p>Again, they are equating your love with "things"</p><p></p><p></p><p>If it were me, I would not tolerate this. I understand she may not like your husband but that is no excuse to treat him this way. By allowing her to hold a grudge she is learning that she never has to forgive someone. If it were me, I would tell her that unless she can treat your husband with respect while living under your roof, she can find somewhere else to live.</p><p></p><p></p><p>If it were me, I would only work two jobs if I really needed the money to pay bills. Your daughters are not learning a strong work ethic from you, they are learning that you will give them anything they want.</p><p></p><p></p><p>Yes, they are adults and they should be paying their own way. It's one thing to offer to pay for their schooling and to let them live at home while they are attending school, however, you need some serious boundaries. You say you can't help yourself that this is just how you are but here's the thing, you can change your behaviors and by changing your behaviors your daughters may also change.</p><p>If you are not seeing a therapist I strongly suggest that you do. You have an unhealthy co-dependent relationship with your daughters. A good therapist can help you navigate through this and help you to understand why you feel compelled to "give them everything".</p><p></p><p></p><p>This is just a fantasy. Nothing is perfect and it's an unrealistic goal. You are putting enormous pressure on yourself to achieve that which cannot be attained.</p><p></p><p></p><p>My guess is you feel this way because you have set such high expectations for how you think your life should look.<strong><u> Again, I strongly suggest you seek a good therapist.</u></strong></p><p></p><p>One of the best things I have ever done for myself was to set clear strong boundaries in my life. Not just where my son is concerned but in all relationships. It's not easy but is so worth the effort because you will grow into a much stronger woman.</p><p></p><p>((HUGS)) to you..................</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Tanya M, post: 714806, member: 18516"] Wecome 3tough, I'm glad you reached out to us here. It's hard for one to be grateful if they don't know what it's like to do without or to have work really hard for something. I know your mommy heart wants to give your daughters everything but that can actually cause more harm than good. They are learning to equate your love with "things". Again, they are equating your love with "things" If it were me, I would not tolerate this. I understand she may not like your husband but that is no excuse to treat him this way. By allowing her to hold a grudge she is learning that she never has to forgive someone. If it were me, I would tell her that unless she can treat your husband with respect while living under your roof, she can find somewhere else to live. If it were me, I would only work two jobs if I really needed the money to pay bills. Your daughters are not learning a strong work ethic from you, they are learning that you will give them anything they want. Yes, they are adults and they should be paying their own way. It's one thing to offer to pay for their schooling and to let them live at home while they are attending school, however, you need some serious boundaries. You say you can't help yourself that this is just how you are but here's the thing, you can change your behaviors and by changing your behaviors your daughters may also change. If you are not seeing a therapist I strongly suggest that you do. You have an unhealthy co-dependent relationship with your daughters. A good therapist can help you navigate through this and help you to understand why you feel compelled to "give them everything". This is just a fantasy. Nothing is perfect and it's an unrealistic goal. You are putting enormous pressure on yourself to achieve that which cannot be attained. My guess is you feel this way because you have set such high expectations for how you think your life should look.[B][U] Again, I strongly suggest you seek a good therapist.[/U][/B] One of the best things I have ever done for myself was to set clear strong boundaries in my life. Not just where my son is concerned but in all relationships. It's not easy but is so worth the effort because you will grow into a much stronger woman. ((HUGS)) to you.................. [/QUOTE]
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