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Parent Emeritus
20 year old son on the streets, heartbroken mom
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<blockquote data-quote="Night Owl Mama" data-source="post: 692846" data-attributes="member: 20490"><p>We have connected him with advocates before but he doesn't follow through. He is enrolled in voc rehab and has another advocate in TAL (transition to adult living) and even a case manager through Medicaids behavioral health. He has funds he can access once he has a job (they will pay to get him into an apartment, and he can have up to $1500 for a car!) Our hope is that his desperation once our support is removed will force him to take advantage of the resources that are sitting there waiting for him. He has a long list of medical and court records from foster care to show how his disability affects him if he decides to use it. When it's me making the decisions, he fights it. So I think it has to come from him. And it will never come from him if I continue to house, clothe, and feed him. </p><p></p><p>But the deal breaker for me is his abusive treatment of the only true advocates he has, his step dad and me. I have warned him for years that if you bite the hand that feeds you, eventually you aren't going to get fed. It's not the first time we have made good on that, but this time needs to be the last. I have to stop this cycle. I told him before he left that I don't think I can have a relationship with him right now. I need to focus on my own healing. I worked hard to free myself from a 10 year abusive marriage and 10 years later the PTSD/abuse triggers my son uses are uncanny. Same tone, same posture, same facial expression...I can't cope with the anxiety it gives me. I either become enraged myself, or fall into depression and despair. Neither is acceptable given the fact I have 5 other children, three of whom are young children, and I am pregnant and trying hard not to bathe this baby's neurons in toxic stress chemicals. So as much as I feel for him, and know he is up against a lot of obstacles, I MUST detach from him and the details of his life right now for my own well-being. And really it's best for him too. In one of his lucid moments he once told me the only way he has ever accomplished anything is when he has a fire under his butt. Truth.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Night Owl Mama, post: 692846, member: 20490"] We have connected him with advocates before but he doesn't follow through. He is enrolled in voc rehab and has another advocate in TAL (transition to adult living) and even a case manager through Medicaids behavioral health. He has funds he can access once he has a job (they will pay to get him into an apartment, and he can have up to $1500 for a car!) Our hope is that his desperation once our support is removed will force him to take advantage of the resources that are sitting there waiting for him. He has a long list of medical and court records from foster care to show how his disability affects him if he decides to use it. When it's me making the decisions, he fights it. So I think it has to come from him. And it will never come from him if I continue to house, clothe, and feed him. But the deal breaker for me is his abusive treatment of the only true advocates he has, his step dad and me. I have warned him for years that if you bite the hand that feeds you, eventually you aren't going to get fed. It's not the first time we have made good on that, but this time needs to be the last. I have to stop this cycle. I told him before he left that I don't think I can have a relationship with him right now. I need to focus on my own healing. I worked hard to free myself from a 10 year abusive marriage and 10 years later the PTSD/abuse triggers my son uses are uncanny. Same tone, same posture, same facial expression...I can't cope with the anxiety it gives me. I either become enraged myself, or fall into depression and despair. Neither is acceptable given the fact I have 5 other children, three of whom are young children, and I am pregnant and trying hard not to bathe this baby's neurons in toxic stress chemicals. So as much as I feel for him, and know he is up against a lot of obstacles, I MUST detach from him and the details of his life right now for my own well-being. And really it's best for him too. In one of his lucid moments he once told me the only way he has ever accomplished anything is when he has a fire under his butt. Truth. [/QUOTE]
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20 year old son on the streets, heartbroken mom
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