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Substance Abuse
20 yr.old pothead...angry husband...2 seperate issues
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<blockquote data-quote="Signorina" data-source="post: 630594"><p>I am sorry if this seems harsh. </p><p></p><p>To be honest - when it comes to your son, I think you've cast your husband in the role of bad guy. So long as he is the bad guy; you get to be the good guy and make excuses for your son while all the blame & tough choices fall on your husband. To be honest, it's manipulative on your part. </p><p></p><p>Is your husband competing for your attention? Sure. Because that's the way you set it up- or at least you've encouraged it; you've made it clear that the your son gets preferential treatment from you whether it's his ironed shirts or the best sandwich. Maybe it feels good or makes you feel needed to have your son & your h vying and competing for your love and attention?</p><p></p><p>I am not sure why you were furiously texting your son to show up yet at the funeral & yet at same time making excuses to your h and lying to justify your son's absence? Your son absolutely should have been there to pay his respects! It's not up to you to manipulate the relationship between your adult son & his stepdad. You are encouraging/allowing your son to walk all over you and to be totally disrespectful to your husband in your own home! Your husband just lost his brother; he deserved your compassion especially at that moment; you should have been on "his" side. </p><p></p><p>Doe your husband have an anger issue - sure. And yes, your situation is bringing out the worst in him. Frankly, it would bring out the worst in me too. You're not being honest to your husband or truthful in your marriage when you cover up your difficult child's behavior or withhold information from your h. You can't protect your difficult child from bearing the brunt of his choices. By doing so, you've eroded the trust in your marriage.</p><p></p><p>Your husband is a former addict who is sober. It could be that living with an addict - puts his own sobriety at risk. His brother died from addiction a short time ago. I think your h is completely justified in not wanting to live with or raise his young daughter in a disruptive home that revolves around an addict. In some ways, he's choosing your 2 year old daughter over his wife and marriage much like you are choosing your 20 year old son. (But there's a big difference between 2 and 20!)</p><p></p><p>You've handed your son the control over you and your marriage and your happy/unhappy home. It's time to take the control back. </p><p></p><p>Yes, you may have other issues with your marriage & your husband may have his own control or addiction issues that need to be addressed. But you can't even touch those until you take off the blinders regarding your son and take responsibility for your marriage.</p><p></p><p>Again, sorry if this seems harsh. I know your mommy heart is hurting.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Signorina, post: 630594"] I am sorry if this seems harsh. To be honest - when it comes to your son, I think you've cast your husband in the role of bad guy. So long as he is the bad guy; you get to be the good guy and make excuses for your son while all the blame & tough choices fall on your husband. To be honest, it's manipulative on your part. Is your husband competing for your attention? Sure. Because that's the way you set it up- or at least you've encouraged it; you've made it clear that the your son gets preferential treatment from you whether it's his ironed shirts or the best sandwich. Maybe it feels good or makes you feel needed to have your son & your h vying and competing for your love and attention? I am not sure why you were furiously texting your son to show up yet at the funeral & yet at same time making excuses to your h and lying to justify your son's absence? Your son absolutely should have been there to pay his respects! It's not up to you to manipulate the relationship between your adult son & his stepdad. You are encouraging/allowing your son to walk all over you and to be totally disrespectful to your husband in your own home! Your husband just lost his brother; he deserved your compassion especially at that moment; you should have been on "his" side. Doe your husband have an anger issue - sure. And yes, your situation is bringing out the worst in him. Frankly, it would bring out the worst in me too. You're not being honest to your husband or truthful in your marriage when you cover up your difficult child's behavior or withhold information from your h. You can't protect your difficult child from bearing the brunt of his choices. By doing so, you've eroded the trust in your marriage. Your husband is a former addict who is sober. It could be that living with an addict - puts his own sobriety at risk. His brother died from addiction a short time ago. I think your h is completely justified in not wanting to live with or raise his young daughter in a disruptive home that revolves around an addict. In some ways, he's choosing your 2 year old daughter over his wife and marriage much like you are choosing your 20 year old son. (But there's a big difference between 2 and 20!) You've handed your son the control over you and your marriage and your happy/unhappy home. It's time to take the control back. Yes, you may have other issues with your marriage & your husband may have his own control or addiction issues that need to be addressed. But you can't even touch those until you take off the blinders regarding your son and take responsibility for your marriage. Again, sorry if this seems harsh. I know your mommy heart is hurting. [/QUOTE]
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20 yr.old pothead...angry husband...2 seperate issues
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