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21 year old son in and out of house
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<blockquote data-quote="youngmomwithadultson" data-source="post: 632839" data-attributes="member: 18247"><p>I guess its our relationships with our children's fathers that can make our relationships with our kids so complex. I think just like you, my ex husband had an illness, he is bipolar. I think they consider it aggressive bipolar. I forget now. My difficult child and I suffered through his abuse and it was very confusing. Its just like what you said. Since he had an illness you felt you had to let him be as horrible to you as he wanted. I'm not deciding that the incidents were the exact same i'm just saying the thought that since he is sick, I have to let him keep doing these mean things, Until one day I said no more. The problem for my difficult child is he worshiped his dad no matter what and excused his dad's bad behavior because he was sick and even felt it was cool when he did mean things. Then one day he imitates his dad's mean behavior back onto his dad and his dad kicks him out. That's where my difficult child is mentally I believe. He's suffering from the loss of his relationship with his father. That's a very complex situation though, that I am unable to fix. Its the reason he clings to me. Its the reason he verbally abuses me. He wants me to make it all better. I have tried so hard to make him feel better and I have failed and I have simply been unable to comfort him. I know I will never be able to.</p><p> </p><p> Your story about your adopted son has really touched me today too. I imagine the adoption part of it holds some significance however it doesn't seem to be the big factor. I do have another son who does not speak to me at all. He hasn't spoken to me since his father and I officially divorced in 2011. We spoke very briefly this January when his father went to jail and I called him, my son, to see if he needed anything. He refused my help. He and I never had a single argument in the past. I imagine his father has turned him against me but that is only a guess. I'm sure its a pretty good guess.</p><p> </p><p> To have someone remove himself from your life that you loved so much is a great loss, it comes with greif that doesn't make a lot of sense and doesn't have any normal path with a normal end or at least or normal progression. I'm not sure I will ever see my youngest son again. I just know that I have to make sure I spend more time enjoying my life than I do grieving those I have lost.</p><p> </p><p>You have given me so much advice that I am going to use. The parts about your mom and the parts about my family seeing me as a little girl. I don't have a whole lot of strength today to go into how they still see me as a 14 year old little girl which does not help.</p><p> </p><p> I have to start eating a normal diet again so that I have the energy to accomplish more. My appetite hasn't come back yet. I have such a hard time getting the right amount of food in. I'm working on it.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="youngmomwithadultson, post: 632839, member: 18247"] I guess its our relationships with our children's fathers that can make our relationships with our kids so complex. I think just like you, my ex husband had an illness, he is bipolar. I think they consider it aggressive bipolar. I forget now. My difficult child and I suffered through his abuse and it was very confusing. Its just like what you said. Since he had an illness you felt you had to let him be as horrible to you as he wanted. I'm not deciding that the incidents were the exact same i'm just saying the thought that since he is sick, I have to let him keep doing these mean things, Until one day I said no more. The problem for my difficult child is he worshiped his dad no matter what and excused his dad's bad behavior because he was sick and even felt it was cool when he did mean things. Then one day he imitates his dad's mean behavior back onto his dad and his dad kicks him out. That's where my difficult child is mentally I believe. He's suffering from the loss of his relationship with his father. That's a very complex situation though, that I am unable to fix. Its the reason he clings to me. Its the reason he verbally abuses me. He wants me to make it all better. I have tried so hard to make him feel better and I have failed and I have simply been unable to comfort him. I know I will never be able to. Your story about your adopted son has really touched me today too. I imagine the adoption part of it holds some significance however it doesn't seem to be the big factor. I do have another son who does not speak to me at all. He hasn't spoken to me since his father and I officially divorced in 2011. We spoke very briefly this January when his father went to jail and I called him, my son, to see if he needed anything. He refused my help. He and I never had a single argument in the past. I imagine his father has turned him against me but that is only a guess. I'm sure its a pretty good guess. To have someone remove himself from your life that you loved so much is a great loss, it comes with greif that doesn't make a lot of sense and doesn't have any normal path with a normal end or at least or normal progression. I'm not sure I will ever see my youngest son again. I just know that I have to make sure I spend more time enjoying my life than I do grieving those I have lost. You have given me so much advice that I am going to use. The parts about your mom and the parts about my family seeing me as a little girl. I don't have a whole lot of strength today to go into how they still see me as a 14 year old little girl which does not help. I have to start eating a normal diet again so that I have the energy to accomplish more. My appetite hasn't come back yet. I have such a hard time getting the right amount of food in. I'm working on it. [/QUOTE]
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21 year old son in and out of house
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