Glad to have found this site. I'm a long-suffering divorced/remarried dad whose older son is 21. A brilliant/talented guy through childhood, he began smoking pot at around 16. His life spiraled downward as his pot smoking pals all thrived and went on to college. My boy procrastinated on assignments during his senior year, then found he couldn't recover, so he coolly dropped out. Though he later got his GED, he's been pretty much a waste of a human being the last three years or so. He plays guitar and is very talented, but is into that Cookie-Monster nihilist death metal crap--even though he was exposed to a vast variety of good music from day one. His mom and I, who are on good terms, have paid his rent/bills for a year. We've agreed to stop doing that, warned him two months ago, and he's still not taken any initiative. Same old procrastinating, talented boy who obviously doesn't realize pot and his mind do not agree. He did a short stint in jail last year, and when we visited we ironically felt as though we had our boy back. Naturally his "friends" encircled him upon his release and he's a daily smoker again. (I'm not ideologically against pot, by the way, still have a puff now then. It's just not a way of life for me.) So we're a few weeks away from seeing him ousted from his crappy place and tossed into the street with his five guitars. Of course we've been told we've given him too much, blah blah, we're enabling him; we know we did our best with him, with lots of love but with structure too. I'm angry and sad and scared for him. And feeling like a complete failure. I'm grateful for non-judgmental comments.