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Parent Emeritus
21 year old son
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<blockquote data-quote="Childofmine" data-source="post: 672605" data-attributes="member: 17542"><p>Hi and welcome. I recommend if this is your real name, that you change in to protect your family's anonymity. </p><p></p><p>I'm sorry about your son's choices. My son went down the same road, but his first drugs of choice were alcohol and pot. Then it progressed to pills and I don't know what else. He "went all the way down" and after years of really bad behavior, started turning his life around almost 18 months ago.</p><p></p><p>He has a long way to go, and a big hole to dig out of.</p><p></p><p>There are people who can't use substances of any kind, including alcohol and pot. My son is one of those. </p><p></p><p>Friends are a huge indicator of where they "are" in their lives.</p><p></p><p>I know how hard it is to stop. My son's dad and I are divorced, and we worked together to determine what to do and how to do it during the really bad years. I stopped before he did. While I hoped and prayed and waited for him to stop, I had compassion for him. I worked hard to detach from my son with love, and I went to Al-Anon faithfully. It saved me and saved my sanity, and it's helped me become a better person---more honest, more humble, more accepting of myself and other people.</p><p></p><p>This is a very very tough road to walk. Most of us have walked it here, and are at varying points on the journey.</p><p></p><p>We will offer you ideas, support and encouragement, and we understand that you will need to do whatever you decide to do. We have no advantage and cannot know the whole story.</p><p></p><p>Most of us have found that it's necessary to change ourselves, because we can't change other people. Even our own precious children. And helping doesn't help. It just perpetuates the current behavior. If change is to come soon, it has to be from us.</p><p></p><p>Great books to read are Boundaries by Cloud and Townsend and CoDependent No More by Melody Beattie. These are two first books I read. They helped me so much and I read and reread them. Also there is a great post on this forum about detachment. I printed it out and read it over and over.</p><p></p><p>We're here for you. Let us know how we can help.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Childofmine, post: 672605, member: 17542"] Hi and welcome. I recommend if this is your real name, that you change in to protect your family's anonymity. I'm sorry about your son's choices. My son went down the same road, but his first drugs of choice were alcohol and pot. Then it progressed to pills and I don't know what else. He "went all the way down" and after years of really bad behavior, started turning his life around almost 18 months ago. He has a long way to go, and a big hole to dig out of. There are people who can't use substances of any kind, including alcohol and pot. My son is one of those. Friends are a huge indicator of where they "are" in their lives. I know how hard it is to stop. My son's dad and I are divorced, and we worked together to determine what to do and how to do it during the really bad years. I stopped before he did. While I hoped and prayed and waited for him to stop, I had compassion for him. I worked hard to detach from my son with love, and I went to Al-Anon faithfully. It saved me and saved my sanity, and it's helped me become a better person---more honest, more humble, more accepting of myself and other people. This is a very very tough road to walk. Most of us have walked it here, and are at varying points on the journey. We will offer you ideas, support and encouragement, and we understand that you will need to do whatever you decide to do. We have no advantage and cannot know the whole story. Most of us have found that it's necessary to change ourselves, because we can't change other people. Even our own precious children. And helping doesn't help. It just perpetuates the current behavior. If change is to come soon, it has to be from us. Great books to read are Boundaries by Cloud and Townsend and CoDependent No More by Melody Beattie. These are two first books I read. They helped me so much and I read and reread them. Also there is a great post on this forum about detachment. I printed it out and read it over and over. We're here for you. Let us know how we can help. [/QUOTE]
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