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22, with 4 month old now stealing from us.
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<blockquote data-quote="!overwhelmed!" data-source="post: 638108" data-attributes="member: 18486"><p>Thank you all for your insights & support. As for her responsibility, she has gotten better, but her real attention is to the boy friend. The baby seems secondary. She is never without her phone which they constantly text & speak - mostly arguing. She refuses birth control. As for the income, it seems to all goes to him. They have spent "maybe" $200 on the baby in the last 4 months. They get approx $600 cash & $500 food stamps each month. We take care of our daughter's needs, food, hygiene products etc (which for some reason she now barely ever takes a shower, likewise the baby gets a bath maybe twice a month at best), while he comes & goes at will in "her" car that her grama gave her for going to college. He smokes cigarettes, marajuana & drives to & fro (with no drivers license) & all the $$ is gone. She says he's working but he picks her up everyday before noon & brings her home around 8-9pm. </p><p>I've often thought she has a mental issue of some kind. She's never been able to make or keep friends. No real boyfriends all throughout school. Extremely athletic, hence the scholarship but also a "C" student at best. She was bullied & "apparently" had death threats her sophomore year due to a HS scandal with the whole team "drinking" except for her! (She would have drank too but she wasn't even invited to the party!) The team was disbanded for the remainder of their season & she was allowed to play "down" on JV to finish out her season. It was the most backward turn of events ever. She never told me of the abuse until years later. There was also a pedophile that found her while "pshing" on her phone I think it was her 8th grade year...called the FBI etc. So there have been weird experiences in her life. Before that her Jr High coach would lock himself in the gym with the 7th grade girls because he didn't want to deal with parents. As a parent I tried to get the other parents to come along side me to stop that behavior, had to go to the school board...it was taken care of after the local paper threatened to write about it. However my daughter was maligned & ostrisized because of it, as was I, but as an adult . could take it where she could not.</p><p>Sorry about the backwards order of stuff, I'm just trying to piece the puzzle in my mind as to how & why this is happening. This guy has a hold on her that I cannot explain. He is horrible to her. Talks down to her, they scream & curse at each other constantly on the phone & they think this is normal behavior. He of course "knows everything" about everything. He's been abused (so he says), he had a stroke at 7 yrs old, his parents disregarded him & his needs, Divorced. Dad moved across the country, mom on "medications" since 19...ugh this what I've been "told" I've never met these people. He also has a grama living in the area & a female cousin, all have tried to help him/them & he has burned bridges with all of them. So I'm sure my daughter thinks it's them against the world. She lives in a strange mental place of make believe I have never been able to penetrate. Used to be loving & caring but "always" the outsider, made fun of etc. She is absolutely beautiful as well. At least she was...always most 6 ft blue eyes ginger hair. He has ruined her & she has let him. It's like she is becoming him. He rarely bathes is always disheveled & now she looks the way he does. I'm pretty sure she is getting high on marajuana & not sure how that is affecting the baby. Don't know if that constitutes a CPS intervention or not. It's NOT legal here. </p><p>I know this a huge rambling mess of an explanation. I hope I've given you more of an insight. </p><p>We are planning an intervention of our own with an acquaintance who was once a sheiff, did drugs & went to jail & is now a pastor. Hopefully he can shed light from all angels. We will be pressing charges on both of them & having the sheriffs dept on standby. We also plan to get a restraining order against them as well. It won't be until next week due to this person being on vacation until Thursday & our work schedules. So that's where we stand right now. Again sorry for the long winded rant. I hope it was helpful. Any ideas as how to approach the intervention would be appreciated. </p><p>We of course will offer to keep the baby here with us as they really have nowhere but a "couch" living with a bunch of drug addled drunks - mostly barely 20 somethings. But I'm sure that will be met with a big NO on their part. Doubtful the police will do anything except send them a notice to appear, which will be difficult since their mail goes to my p o box. Ugh! I am vowing to be strong for my other daughter so she knows this is NOT acceptable behavior on any level & we have tolerated more than enough. God help us all...again, any ideas or advice is appreciated. Thanks for listening...</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="!overwhelmed!, post: 638108, member: 18486"] Thank you all for your insights & support. As for her responsibility, she has gotten better, but her real attention is to the boy friend. The baby seems secondary. She is never without her phone which they constantly text & speak - mostly arguing. She refuses birth control. As for the income, it seems to all goes to him. They have spent "maybe" $200 on the baby in the last 4 months. They get approx $600 cash & $500 food stamps each month. We take care of our daughter's needs, food, hygiene products etc (which for some reason she now barely ever takes a shower, likewise the baby gets a bath maybe twice a month at best), while he comes & goes at will in "her" car that her grama gave her for going to college. He smokes cigarettes, marajuana & drives to & fro (with no drivers license) & all the $$ is gone. She says he's working but he picks her up everyday before noon & brings her home around 8-9pm. I've often thought she has a mental issue of some kind. She's never been able to make or keep friends. No real boyfriends all throughout school. Extremely athletic, hence the scholarship but also a "C" student at best. She was bullied & "apparently" had death threats her sophomore year due to a HS scandal with the whole team "drinking" except for her! (She would have drank too but she wasn't even invited to the party!) The team was disbanded for the remainder of their season & she was allowed to play "down" on JV to finish out her season. It was the most backward turn of events ever. She never told me of the abuse until years later. There was also a pedophile that found her while "pshing" on her phone I think it was her 8th grade year...called the FBI etc. So there have been weird experiences in her life. Before that her Jr High coach would lock himself in the gym with the 7th grade girls because he didn't want to deal with parents. As a parent I tried to get the other parents to come along side me to stop that behavior, had to go to the school board...it was taken care of after the local paper threatened to write about it. However my daughter was maligned & ostrisized because of it, as was I, but as an adult . could take it where she could not. Sorry about the backwards order of stuff, I'm just trying to piece the puzzle in my mind as to how & why this is happening. This guy has a hold on her that I cannot explain. He is horrible to her. Talks down to her, they scream & curse at each other constantly on the phone & they think this is normal behavior. He of course "knows everything" about everything. He's been abused (so he says), he had a stroke at 7 yrs old, his parents disregarded him & his needs, Divorced. Dad moved across the country, mom on "medications" since 19...ugh this what I've been "told" I've never met these people. He also has a grama living in the area & a female cousin, all have tried to help him/them & he has burned bridges with all of them. So I'm sure my daughter thinks it's them against the world. She lives in a strange mental place of make believe I have never been able to penetrate. Used to be loving & caring but "always" the outsider, made fun of etc. She is absolutely beautiful as well. At least she was...always most 6 ft blue eyes ginger hair. He has ruined her & she has let him. It's like she is becoming him. He rarely bathes is always disheveled & now she looks the way he does. I'm pretty sure she is getting high on marajuana & not sure how that is affecting the baby. Don't know if that constitutes a CPS intervention or not. It's NOT legal here. I know this a huge rambling mess of an explanation. I hope I've given you more of an insight. We are planning an intervention of our own with an acquaintance who was once a sheiff, did drugs & went to jail & is now a pastor. Hopefully he can shed light from all angels. We will be pressing charges on both of them & having the sheriffs dept on standby. We also plan to get a restraining order against them as well. It won't be until next week due to this person being on vacation until Thursday & our work schedules. So that's where we stand right now. Again sorry for the long winded rant. I hope it was helpful. Any ideas as how to approach the intervention would be appreciated. We of course will offer to keep the baby here with us as they really have nowhere but a "couch" living with a bunch of drug addled drunks - mostly barely 20 somethings. But I'm sure that will be met with a big NO on their part. Doubtful the police will do anything except send them a notice to appear, which will be difficult since their mail goes to my p o box. Ugh! I am vowing to be strong for my other daughter so she knows this is NOT acceptable behavior on any level & we have tolerated more than enough. God help us all...again, any ideas or advice is appreciated. Thanks for listening... [/QUOTE]
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