My husband and I are at a complete loss. When our daughter turned 21, she was so happy and such a grateful person. She invited relatives to come from other states to celebrate her birthday as a surprise for me. She was a successful college student who had completed several internships and landed a very coveted internship. She was a happy and grateful person who loved her family and was thriving. That summer things changed. A friend of hers was diagnosed cancer and my daughter seemed to be emotional and unhappy which was understandable. She was supportive of the friend...took her to doctor's appointments, etc. I felt her change was somewhat normal.
That fall she quit school and didn't tell us. We found out my daughter figured out she was gay and had a girlfriend. My daughter said she had mono and that is why she quit school. She would answer texts or phone calls intermittently during this time. (Forgot to mention we paid all of her bills at this time and were happy to do so. She was thriving in school and a pleasure before all this started.) We continued to pay her bills and hoped she would return to school the next semester.
The next semester came and she said she wanted to return, so we paid the tuition bill. She told us she went to class and finished the semester, but during the summer a bill from the school came which meant she did not go to school. She lied.
She came home for holidays last year and we welcomed her girlfriend for many visits. I thought coming out might be stressful, so I tried to be patient and understanding of her rude behavior and lies. She told me none of her friends talk to her parents as much as we talked. I took this as a hint she needed space. I didn't really expect her to reach out to me, so I tried to reach out now and again to tell her I loved her, which I do, and support her. Sometimes she was friendly and talkative and other times, she would ignore my messages. Of course, I was hurt, but tried to be understanding and just send messages of support.
My husband and I went on a cruise this summer, and during that time, she messaged me every day. We had wonderful conversations. She moved into a new place and said things like I can;t wait for you to get home and come visit. Once we were home I reached out to her, and she stopped responding. She doesn;t respond to her brother either. It has been three months and I don't know what happened. Why would she message me every day and then just cut us out of her life? We have not voiced our opinion about any part of this situation. We have been supportive and as calm as possible.
Last night my husband drove to the city where she lives and stopped by the girlfriends work to find out where he could find our daughter. The girlfriend would no tell him. We have cut off financial support in layers to give her an opportunity to get on her feet. He wanted to tell her she needed to pay her car payment and insurance or give the car back. We stopped paying rent last June and giving money for food etc. Turned her phone off in September. All heart breaking things, but she is spending a lot of money on trips and booze, so she needs to be an adult and pay her own bills.
I guess I raised a spoiled brat who just decided to show her true colors. Maybe she is mentally ill? We offered counseling...she went once. She told my son she was seeing a counselor on her own. I hope so. We are not a perfect family, but things were always very stable and supportive. Has anyone else had a young adult change over night like this? She told my son she is different from us, whatever that means.
That fall she quit school and didn't tell us. We found out my daughter figured out she was gay and had a girlfriend. My daughter said she had mono and that is why she quit school. She would answer texts or phone calls intermittently during this time. (Forgot to mention we paid all of her bills at this time and were happy to do so. She was thriving in school and a pleasure before all this started.) We continued to pay her bills and hoped she would return to school the next semester.
The next semester came and she said she wanted to return, so we paid the tuition bill. She told us she went to class and finished the semester, but during the summer a bill from the school came which meant she did not go to school. She lied.
She came home for holidays last year and we welcomed her girlfriend for many visits. I thought coming out might be stressful, so I tried to be patient and understanding of her rude behavior and lies. She told me none of her friends talk to her parents as much as we talked. I took this as a hint she needed space. I didn't really expect her to reach out to me, so I tried to reach out now and again to tell her I loved her, which I do, and support her. Sometimes she was friendly and talkative and other times, she would ignore my messages. Of course, I was hurt, but tried to be understanding and just send messages of support.
My husband and I went on a cruise this summer, and during that time, she messaged me every day. We had wonderful conversations. She moved into a new place and said things like I can;t wait for you to get home and come visit. Once we were home I reached out to her, and she stopped responding. She doesn;t respond to her brother either. It has been three months and I don't know what happened. Why would she message me every day and then just cut us out of her life? We have not voiced our opinion about any part of this situation. We have been supportive and as calm as possible.
Last night my husband drove to the city where she lives and stopped by the girlfriends work to find out where he could find our daughter. The girlfriend would no tell him. We have cut off financial support in layers to give her an opportunity to get on her feet. He wanted to tell her she needed to pay her car payment and insurance or give the car back. We stopped paying rent last June and giving money for food etc. Turned her phone off in September. All heart breaking things, but she is spending a lot of money on trips and booze, so she needs to be an adult and pay her own bills.
I guess I raised a spoiled brat who just decided to show her true colors. Maybe she is mentally ill? We offered counseling...she went once. She told my son she was seeing a counselor on her own. I hope so. We are not a perfect family, but things were always very stable and supportive. Has anyone else had a young adult change over night like this? She told my son she is different from us, whatever that means.
