Forums
New posts
Search forums
What's new
New posts
New profile posts
Latest activity
Internet Search
Members
Current visitors
New profile posts
Search profile posts
Log in
Register
What's new
Search
Search
Search titles only
By:
New posts
Search forums
Menu
Log in
Register
Install the app
Install
Forums
Parent Support Forums
Parent Emeritus
22 year old daughter with-1year old child is homeless.
JavaScript is disabled. For a better experience, please enable JavaScript in your browser before proceeding.
You are using an out of date browser. It may not display this or other websites correctly.
You should upgrade or use an
alternative browser
.
Reply to thread
Message
<blockquote data-quote="susiestar" data-source="post: 718473" data-attributes="member: 1233"><p>Your daughter is an ADULT. I think it is time for her to learn that adults often have to deal with hard things like consequences of their actions. She PLANNED to have a child when she could not take care of one. Now is the time for social services to get involved, not you.</p><p></p><p>I know that sounds harsh, but having her move into your home won't help her learn to grow up and be an adult. It will teach her that someone will always rescue her. Sure she will be angry when she doesn't get rescued, she won't be getting her way. Boo Hoo. Let her be upset. Don't take it personally and don't let her have her tantrum in your space. Go do something you enjoy and don't be around her when she is upset. Be around her when she is pleasant and respectful. If she gets disrespectful/unpleasant, you leave/hang up the phone, ask her to leave your home. Every time. It is a way to draw boundaries that are much needed and it also helps her grow up.</p><p></p><p>I used to have a lot of drama and especially conflama in my life. Conflama is conflict plus drama. I hate it. Then I decided to not have it any longer. I refuse to fight with people. I used to fight, and it fed the conflama. I used to argue. Now I state what I want calmly. I state my expectations and boundaries once. Sometimes a second time. Then I am done. Discussion can happen if people are calm and respectful. If it gets tense or angry, I leave. Sometimes I don't even end the conversation, I just walk away while people are yammering. No one glued me to a chair or nailed my feet down. I am free to leave if I am uncomfortable. </p><p></p><p>Know what? After about a month my family got it. We don't have arguments any longer. If someone gets loud in my house they are laughing. It took a lot longer for other relatives who don't live with me. Even my brother eventually got it. I think he is addicted to arguments. He will argue over anything, quite literally over the dumbest things. When I started walking away, to the point of shutting doors in his face if needed, eventually he got it. Now he rarely tries to argue with me. Being around him is much more pleasant!!</p><p></p><p>You can stop the conflama too! Don't react to it. I had to learn how to not feed it, how to draw boundaries and keep them. With your daughter I strongly recommend NOT having her move in with you. I would call Children's Services about your granddaughter. Why? Your daughter PLANNED to have a child so that you and her father would take care of her. She did this so that you would HAVE to support her so that her child would not go without. She did not do this (have a child) because she wanted a child, or because she thought she would be a good mother. She could see a time when you would expect her to support herself, to pay her own way. Having a child is a ticket back into your pocketbook. Don't fall for it. Keep the pocketbook closed no matter what your daughter says. </p><p></p><p>Your granddaughter is your daughter's responsibility, not yours. If she is truly worried about her child, she can give you legal custody of the child and then you can raise the child. At that time you can make all the decisions and pay all the bills for the child. Until that happens, make your daughter face the responsibility. Give her lists of local shelters and food banks. Tell her where to go to get food stams and WIC benefits Other than that, let her figure it out.</p><p></p><p>She is smart enough to get into GSU, she is smart enough to figure out how to care for her daughter. Or else she is smart enough to figure out she cannot care for her child and to tell you she needs you to take custody. Honestly, I would call Children's Services and report her, but I am a bit of a hard <img src="/community/styles/default/xenforo/smilies/2012/censored2.gif" class="smilie" loading="lazy" alt=":censored2:" title="censored2 :censored2:" data-shortname=":censored2:" /> about kids in bad situations. </p><p></p><p>I don't mean to sound hard or mean. I think you are a great mom who has done a ton for her kids and needs to step back. Sometimes we do so much that we weaken our kids. Then we have to step way back, even when the kids don't want us to. They end up saying awful things to us, and getting very angry, because we cut off the fun and luxury things that are so expensive. We have to let them be angry and let them learn that they can function on their own with whatever they earn. They also have to learn that they can figure out the answers to their problems without us or our help. They get so used to us answering their questions and fixing their problems and rescuing them that they cannot really function on their own. When we stop doing all of that, our children get angry with us. They don't want the easy road to stop. But it is best for them if the easy road stops and they learn to stand on their own two feet. It is called growing up and everyone has to do it. Your daughter is 21 and a mother and it is time she does this.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="susiestar, post: 718473, member: 1233"] Your daughter is an ADULT. I think it is time for her to learn that adults often have to deal with hard things like consequences of their actions. She PLANNED to have a child when she could not take care of one. Now is the time for social services to get involved, not you. I know that sounds harsh, but having her move into your home won't help her learn to grow up and be an adult. It will teach her that someone will always rescue her. Sure she will be angry when she doesn't get rescued, she won't be getting her way. Boo Hoo. Let her be upset. Don't take it personally and don't let her have her tantrum in your space. Go do something you enjoy and don't be around her when she is upset. Be around her when she is pleasant and respectful. If she gets disrespectful/unpleasant, you leave/hang up the phone, ask her to leave your home. Every time. It is a way to draw boundaries that are much needed and it also helps her grow up. I used to have a lot of drama and especially conflama in my life. Conflama is conflict plus drama. I hate it. Then I decided to not have it any longer. I refuse to fight with people. I used to fight, and it fed the conflama. I used to argue. Now I state what I want calmly. I state my expectations and boundaries once. Sometimes a second time. Then I am done. Discussion can happen if people are calm and respectful. If it gets tense or angry, I leave. Sometimes I don't even end the conversation, I just walk away while people are yammering. No one glued me to a chair or nailed my feet down. I am free to leave if I am uncomfortable. Know what? After about a month my family got it. We don't have arguments any longer. If someone gets loud in my house they are laughing. It took a lot longer for other relatives who don't live with me. Even my brother eventually got it. I think he is addicted to arguments. He will argue over anything, quite literally over the dumbest things. When I started walking away, to the point of shutting doors in his face if needed, eventually he got it. Now he rarely tries to argue with me. Being around him is much more pleasant!! You can stop the conflama too! Don't react to it. I had to learn how to not feed it, how to draw boundaries and keep them. With your daughter I strongly recommend NOT having her move in with you. I would call Children's Services about your granddaughter. Why? Your daughter PLANNED to have a child so that you and her father would take care of her. She did this so that you would HAVE to support her so that her child would not go without. She did not do this (have a child) because she wanted a child, or because she thought she would be a good mother. She could see a time when you would expect her to support herself, to pay her own way. Having a child is a ticket back into your pocketbook. Don't fall for it. Keep the pocketbook closed no matter what your daughter says. Your granddaughter is your daughter's responsibility, not yours. If she is truly worried about her child, she can give you legal custody of the child and then you can raise the child. At that time you can make all the decisions and pay all the bills for the child. Until that happens, make your daughter face the responsibility. Give her lists of local shelters and food banks. Tell her where to go to get food stams and WIC benefits Other than that, let her figure it out. She is smart enough to get into GSU, she is smart enough to figure out how to care for her daughter. Or else she is smart enough to figure out she cannot care for her child and to tell you she needs you to take custody. Honestly, I would call Children's Services and report her, but I am a bit of a hard :censored2: about kids in bad situations. I don't mean to sound hard or mean. I think you are a great mom who has done a ton for her kids and needs to step back. Sometimes we do so much that we weaken our kids. Then we have to step way back, even when the kids don't want us to. They end up saying awful things to us, and getting very angry, because we cut off the fun and luxury things that are so expensive. We have to let them be angry and let them learn that they can function on their own with whatever they earn. They also have to learn that they can figure out the answers to their problems without us or our help. They get so used to us answering their questions and fixing their problems and rescuing them that they cannot really function on their own. When we stop doing all of that, our children get angry with us. They don't want the easy road to stop. But it is best for them if the easy road stops and they learn to stand on their own two feet. It is called growing up and everyone has to do it. Your daughter is 21 and a mother and it is time she does this. [/QUOTE]
Insert quotes…
Verification
Post reply
Forums
Parent Support Forums
Parent Emeritus
22 year old daughter with-1year old child is homeless.
Top