23 year old son returning to college--very anxious

[in a daze]

It isn't a Cinderella story...he didn't become captain A+ responsibility. He did exactly the same as he did when he had all that support. He got it done. I think he felt a bit better about himself, and he didn't waste energy resisting authority and hiding things because authority (me, and the tutors) had stopped telling him what to do. It is not a lot different with our Difficult Child's. They are all growing up, separating from us. The more we push and tell them what to do the more they get to focus their energy on resisting us, and it becomes a danse macabre. If we stop pushing...they will do what they do. And we can use our talents and energies to better avail, whatever that may b

Awesome real life example, Echo. Your kid wanted to graduate. He wanted to go on to college. They have to want it. They have to see t he benefit for themselves.

 

[Robert44]

@agingrapidly Did you read my post "Don't know what to do with my son"?? Our son is in a very similar situation as yours. He'll be leaving for college this Tuesday after coming home last year after a month. Really worried about his return.

 

[MaryJane]

Our daughter returned after medical leave (major depressive mood disorder), she left in a cop car, arrested for DUI.
If I were to offer a suggestion it would be to stop. Stop making the appointments, stop flying him home when he fails class, stop rescuing him. He needs to start doing these things for himself. My guess is that you are terrified that he won't do it. Maybe he'll surprise you and start taking control of his own life. But if he doesn't? Well make it clear that it's his life and as such he will need to start reaping the consequences. If he fails out...he can pay for a bus home. If he gets arrested for weed, he can sit in jail. I wish so badly that I had done that with our daughter. If we had we might not be in the mess we are in now. Good luck to you.

 

[agingrapidly]

I think that is where we are at.. my husband left to today to set him up, but if it does not work out he has two options==be on own or residential treatment. It sometimes feels like suddenly you are driving on the wrong side of the road. I don't think we can blame ourselves...it is natural to want to rescue them but then we realize that we can't.

I will post an update in a few weeks.

 

[mof]

ours moves home Monday...and we start over. Seven months of treatment...can't afford more...now he will be in our sober living home.

Yup, I'm his new case manager...

 

[in a daze]

Yup, I'm his new case manager...

That's what I felt like, a few years ago.

It was exhausting.

Best of luck and take it one day at a time....