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<blockquote data-quote="Scent of Cedar *" data-source="post: 660867" data-attributes="member: 17461"><p>I am reading along too, pasa.</p><p></p><p>Holding you all in my thoughts and prayers. Whatever his attitude and however he covers it up, your son is probably as afraid as you are.</p><p></p><p>It helps me to remember: I have time. Even when it seems like I don't, I do. Before each response, before the feelings inside where no one can see or know become overwhelming, you can choose to have time, pasa. Just a moment, just a split second; just that space between breaths.</p><p></p><p>There have been whole weeks that I lived in split-second increments. I could keep myself in one intact piece in those split seconds. Two split-seconds could be a time to relax and take strength.</p><p></p><p>When I could remember to do it, or when I was desperate enough to do it, I would look up at the stars. That would help center me.</p><p></p><p>It gets to be about living in the moment, moment to moment. Somehow, we find the strength to stay present.</p><p></p><p>***</p><p></p><p>It is okay not to know.</p><p></p><p>That is so helpful to me, too. I don't know. I don't know how to do this or what is coming next <em>and that is okay.</em> I can sit with "I don't know." For a split second or even, two split seconds, I can do that, and center myself somehow in knowing that I don't have to know.</p><p></p><p>I am angry for you that you were not given adequate time to prepare.</p><p></p><p>He is afraid too, pasa. He probably didn't know, either.</p><p></p><p>Cedar</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Scent of Cedar *, post: 660867, member: 17461"] I am reading along too, pasa. Holding you all in my thoughts and prayers. Whatever his attitude and however he covers it up, your son is probably as afraid as you are. It helps me to remember: I have time. Even when it seems like I don't, I do. Before each response, before the feelings inside where no one can see or know become overwhelming, you can choose to have time, pasa. Just a moment, just a split second; just that space between breaths. There have been whole weeks that I lived in split-second increments. I could keep myself in one intact piece in those split seconds. Two split-seconds could be a time to relax and take strength. When I could remember to do it, or when I was desperate enough to do it, I would look up at the stars. That would help center me. It gets to be about living in the moment, moment to moment. Somehow, we find the strength to stay present. *** It is okay not to know. That is so helpful to me, too. I don't know. I don't know how to do this or what is coming next [I]and that is okay.[/I] I can sit with "I don't know." For a split second or even, two split seconds, I can do that, and center myself somehow in knowing that I don't have to know. I am angry for you that you were not given adequate time to prepare. He is afraid too, pasa. He probably didn't know, either. Cedar [/QUOTE]
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