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<blockquote data-quote="Copabanana" data-source="post: 660868" data-attributes="member: 18958"><p>PASA. what Jabber says is everything. Well, almost.</p><p></p><p>This is how I see it:</p><p></p><p>He will behave however he wants. His expectations are his. His moods are his.</p><p>You will respond. A response is a reasoned, deliberate choice.</p><p></p><p>Or you will react. A reaction is an out of control, spontaneous event, kind of like an explosion in chemistry.</p><p></p><p>Responses are guided by thought. Reactions are guided by emotion.</p><p></p><p>The most toxic emotions when I interact with my son are guilt, fear and anger.</p><p></p><p>My son is a master manipulator. He plays on all of these emotions by confusing me, making himself the victim, criticizing, and withholding. He plays me like a fiddle. From now on I plan to not talk that much, restrict myself to the responses: NO, SO, OH, and maybe Hello. Because that is all that I can do, safely.</p><p></p><p>This is what will make the difference between responding and reacting:</p><p> You are the decider. You are the law. You are the expert in all things over you and your house.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Copabanana, post: 660868, member: 18958"] PASA. what Jabber says is everything. Well, almost. This is how I see it: He will behave however he wants. His expectations are his. His moods are his. You will respond. A response is a reasoned, deliberate choice. Or you will react. A reaction is an out of control, spontaneous event, kind of like an explosion in chemistry. Responses are guided by thought. Reactions are guided by emotion. The most toxic emotions when I interact with my son are guilt, fear and anger. My son is a master manipulator. He plays on all of these emotions by confusing me, making himself the victim, criticizing, and withholding. He plays me like a fiddle. From now on I plan to not talk that much, restrict myself to the responses: NO, SO, OH, and maybe Hello. Because that is all that I can do, safely. This is what will make the difference between responding and reacting: You are the decider. You are the law. You are the expert in all things over you and your house. [/QUOTE]
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