Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by 12345, Aug 14, 2009.

  1. 12345

    12345 New Member

    Is it possible to live a seemingly normal life with a conduct disorder? I'm 31 years old, married with 2 children & a part-time job. However I've always felt abit odd. I'm on an anti-depressant as I had a breakdown when I was 32 weeks pregnant but I think I became depressed around 13. I have lots of "mates" but no close friends & find it hard to have meaningful conversations, which I've put down to shyness but really it's more awkwardness. I hate talking about myself & would rather listen than speak. People have commented that I'm blunt & abrasive although I've always felt misunderstood. I know my eye-contact is terrible & I have to tell myself to do it. & I would never hug/pat/hold hands with anyone other than my kids. I find certain stuations bewildering, such as supermarket shopping as there is too much choice & my brain just turns off. I like my life to be like groundhog day & get v.fuddled if plans should change when I'm all sorted. I'm not a great conversationalist as I just can't think of things to say, not tongue tied, just vague & foggy. Could this be an slight, underlying disorder or just a brittle, unsociable personality?
  2. tiredmommy

    tiredmommy Site Moderator

    Hi 12345. I wish to welcome you to the board, but with a caveat: we are a community for parents and other caregivers/guardians of challenging children. As this is our focus, I'll advise you to seek out support online at one of the many communities available to depressed adults. I also, however, suggest that you seek a thorough re-examination as you are exhibiting some symptoms of Autism Spectrum Disorders (ASD) (autistic spectrum disorder) or possibly other mental health issues such as social anxiety (though I am not doctor or mental health service provider). Many people are routinely treated for depression when underlying mental health or neurological issues go untouched.
  3. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    If I were you, I'd read up on Asperger's Syndrome. Here is a link. Maybe it'll ring a bell. It's a disorder where bright people are absolutely clueless about social skills and with treatment it can be greatly helped. I don't know if this is what's wrong with you, but I'd at least read about it. My son has it :)

  4. Fran

    Fran Former desparate mom

    Hello and welcome.
    Have you ever had an evaluation?
    You certainly don't seem like a person with conduct disorder from your initial post that's for sure.
    Being socially awkward goes the gamut from a bit of shynees to non functioning.
    If it interferes with your life it's a problem. If you want more for your life then you can get some help to get through this.
  5. whatamess

    whatamess New Member

    Yep, sounds Asperger's to me. Glad you found the forum.
  6. nvts

    nvts Active Member

    Hi 12345! Welcome to the crowd! I think it would be a great idea to get a neuropsychologist done. It would provide you incredible insight and allow you to read up on other people with the same issues. Heck, since you're an adult, you could go to meetings, conventions etc.

    Depression can often stem from feeling different from "everybody else" so researching a diagnosis might help you feel better about yourself.

    All 3 of my older kids (10, 9 and 7) are aspies (we got the diagnosis on difficult child 3 on Thurs.). You sound like you've come up with a lot of coping skills as you were growing up - whether or not your diagnosis is Aspergers. I really admire you and would look forward to your insight with a lot of the issues that arise with my kids!

    There's a great website called http://www.wrongplanet.net/. It is a forum/website for people with aspergers syndrome (as well as other disorders) and their families. You'd be able to join forums run by adults with Aspergers, etc., that would be of significant help.

    Feel better! Every journey starts with a single step - we value you therefore you need to value yourself!

    Again, welcome!

  7. TerryJ2

    TerryJ2 Well-Known Member

    Welcome, 12345.

    I agree with-the others. In addition, since you can clearly navigate through life with-o disrupting or hurting others, you clearly do NOT have a conduct disorder!

    I hope you meet lots of great people on the Autism Spectrum Disorders (ASD) boards. Best of luck!
  8. Marguerite

    Marguerite Active Member


    It's also possible with Pervasive Developmental Disorder (PDD) (including Asperger's). My odler son has Asperger's and got married last November. His younger sister is getting married in October and doing most of the wedding planning herself, including making the bridesmaids' dresses. She's still got problems but I'm seeing a rapidly increasing maturity as she soldiers through the heavy planning stresses. She's currently having problems with her job - from what I've seen, THIS time it's not her, because other girls in the same workplace are also getting "punished" for things they don't understand. So I'm seeing her try to handle tihs appropriately as well, writing letters, keeping notes, getting ready to go for the jugular if she gets sacked (as Fetal Alcohol Syndrome (FAS) as we can determine, it will be a wrongful dismissal case).

    She works as a checkout chhick at the moment, has to force herself to make eye contact. She also makes herself note something of interest about the customer's appearance so she might say, "That's a lovely shade of purple in your blouse." That way if the customer forgets a bag of groceries (which often happens) easy child 2/difficult child 2 has locked in her short-term memory, the link between THAT bag, and (say) the purple blouse.
    She has partial face blindness, she can't link any forgotten groceries to the face, ever.

    But her marriage will be a success.

    I also look back through the family and see Asperger's (undiagnosed) on both sides of the family tree. In all cases, they found a soul mate and were married. There is one unstable cousin on husband's side who has had a series of partners. He's made some bad choices at times too. But I doubt he's Pervasive Developmental Disorder (PDD) in any way, he's a very creative liar (worked in advertising very successfully too!) and I suspect, if anything, some Narcissistic Personality Disorder in there. I'm being kind...

    I'm with the others, get yourselfchecked out for possible Pervasive Developmental Disorder (PDD). Look at the link MWM gave you. ALso look for the Pervasive Developmental Disorder (PDD) questionnaire on www.childbrain.com. You do need to see a professional, we're not. All we can do is say, "my, that looks familair to me," which should give you maybe a sense of direction. But form here, it's up to you. But now you're an adult, it will be more difficult for osmeone to diagnose. You need to see someone who specialises in dealing with adults on the spectrum, rather than children. Because (I'm assuming Pervasive Developmental Disorder (PDD) here especially) people with this will adapt. The smarter they are, the milder it is, the faster they adapt. Some people would describe it as "growing out of the diagnosis" but I feel this does not do justice to the ongoing effort the person is putting in, to control their differences. It never stops for them. So even if they seem 'normal' (whatever that is!) they always have that sense of, "Why am I not like everyone else?"
    I describe it as the swan on the lake, looking serene and beautiful. But under the surface there is a lot of furious and inelegant activity going on, to maintain that semblance of serenity!

    difficult child 3 called it (when he was 8, and beginning to understand that he is fully autistic), "I'm getting very good at pretending to be normal."

    We have an unusual household. Some peop;le say it's messy (including us). Others, therapists, describe it as "an enriched environment". We call it home. We are familair with how things are, we can find what we need, every surface has stuff on it, every wall has either pictures or posters or learning notes. Behind the toilet door is the Periodic Table, some educational notes I did on the computer on scientific notation and some Chemistry notes on Avagadro's Number. I think there's also notes on the difference between homeothermic and poikilothermic. We don't waste ANY reading time!

    For us it's home. For visitors it's bizarre. But in OUR home, we can have it how it works for us.

    So although this is a site for parents with problem children, stick around. Because if YOU have Pervasive Developmental Disorder (PDD) (or even if you're 'normal' but just extremely bright) then chances are, you may need us for your children. Because there is a link between Pervasive Developmental Disorder (PDD) and high IQ (and/or more Pervasive Developmental Disorder (PDD)) elsewhere in the family.

    So not only will it help you to know what you have going in, it's likely to help your children.

    At home - they will seem normal, because it is what they know and what they have grown up adapted to. The problems begin to become noticeable away from home. Then it comeds back into the home as thye kick against the stresses of the world, with the people they know love them the best.

    I'm hoping you have perfect children. The odds are still in your favour of this being the case. But if not - we're here.

  9. 12345

    12345 New Member

    Thank- you. I'm mullin it all over as to whether or not to mak appointment with GP. Appreciate your replies. x
  10. TerryJ2

    TerryJ2 Well-Known Member

    just wondering ... do you have to go through your GP to get a referral to a psychiatric? Because not many GPs are well-versed in what you may have.
    Maybe call the ins. company instead and ask them what and who they cover.
    Just a thought.
  11. flutterby

    flutterby Fly away!

    Terry, I don't think she's American, so her health care system would be different.