My sons car had torn up a while back and I took it to get it fixed, he had left the key to his apartment on the key ring so I went and had a 2 extra keys made. I have gone to his apartment when I know he's not there a few times to try to find answers as to what on earth he is taking and also I wanted this key just in case there was ever an emergency. I have this fear that he will overdose and I may need to get in there to save him. I called him a few days ago because I was on my way to another town to go shopping and invited him to go with me because I drive by the town he lives in to there, he said he wasn't home that he was at a friends and that his live in girlfriend was at work so I decided to stop by and look around. I had literally just hung up the phone with him so I knocked on the door to be sure then I let myself in. I started looking through his garbage and he came out from the bedroom and was very calm(normally he would freak out) and wanted to know how I got in and why I was going through his garbage. I said the door was unlocked, he tried to go outside with me and said he didn't want me in there. I said I had to use the restroom first which is in the bedroom(very small apartment). He didn't want me to and I ask if someone was in there and he said no that his girlfriend is at work so I insisted, he walks me in there and his girlfriend was hiding in the bathroom so then he says she is getting ready for work. I insisted on using the restroom so she came out and then I knew why he was trying to get me out and she was hiding. She was so messed up, her eyes looked horrible, she tried not to look at me, she didn't say one word to me and she would have normally told me off for just walking in if she wasn't so messed up. I couldn't tell so much with him that he was messed up other than he was so calm and didn't let me have it for just walking in and going through his trash. So I went back to see the counselor yesterday and my husband went with me. My mother did not go. I told the counselor this story and he told my husband that he needs to take the key from me. He said that all I'm doing is upsetting myself by going there and that I'm not going to help my son. I even explained that I could possibly need in just in case of emergency. So on the way home my husband ask for the key which I didn't want to give him but I thought well I'll just give him one and I still have the other one just in case. My husband knew about the second key and he took both. I swear it felt like he took oxygen away from me. I tried to promise that I wouldn't go there to snoop anymore that I just wanted to keep it for emergencies but he still took it. I cried and I got mad. The counselor says that my son will never get better until I get better myself. He told me all about detachment which I know from being in here and reading your stories. Detachment goes against everything in me as a mother. I know it's what I need to do but why is it so hard? I don't think I'm strong enough. This is truly consuming my whole life, I can't sleep and I can hardly eat, it's literally all I think about. I want to save him! The counselor says I need to focus my energy on my other children but there's nothing wrong with them, their not sick. I am going to go to my first al anon meeting tonight, pray it helps. Sorry such a long post but I feel this is the only place where I'm understood.