3 hour therapy appointment

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by flutterby, Jul 30, 2009.

  1. flutterby

    flutterby Fly away!


    We didn't get home until after 10. For the last 2 hours at least (I wasn't in for the first hour), therapist was trying to convince difficult child that she does, in fact, have depression and that she needs medication.

    A lot of anger and crying by difficult child. Then she seemed to be listening. Whether she's buying into it....anyone's guess.

    My head is going to fall off. :faint:
    Last edited: Aug 1, 2009
  2. therese005us

    therese005us New Member

    hang in there. Hopefully, by now things have calmed for you and your daughter.
    prayers and hugs .
  3. ThreeShadows

    ThreeShadows Quid me anxia?

    Yikes! I thought I'd been therapied to death! Three hours are a marathon. I hope things work out for you both. HUGS.
  4. crazymama30

    crazymama30 Active Member

    Wow. I think the fact that she stayed in the room and did not run out means something. Hugs. That sounds so intense.
  5. flutterby

    flutterby Fly away!

    There were a couple of times.....

    Ohhh, for example, therapist said something to difficult child about that I love her. difficult child scoffed at that. therapist asked difficult child if I would take care of her if she was sick. difficult child shrugged her shoulders. She then said there was one time she sprained her ankle and I told her to quit crying and leave me alone. I responded, "Oh, that time I took you to the doctor, you had x-rays and then I bought you crutches?", (that the doctor didn't think she needed). If I did tell her to quit crying and leave me alone it's because she refused to take anything for any pain, or soak it, or do anything else. Just like she refuses medications or anything else to help herself.

    I wanted to walk out and leave difficult child there and never go back at that moment. I'm so bleeping sick of the abuse. She's only miserable because the people in her life make her miserable, you know. If we weren't the most horrible people on the planet, her life would be perfect.

    therapist really saw it tonight. What I deal with every. single. day.

    But, no one else could have been so direct with difficult child and "gotten away with it". therapist did not back down. She's good.
  6. crazymama30

    crazymama30 Active Member

    I think you deserve credit for staying in the room , just as much or more so than difficult child. I am glad you found a good therapist, and at the same time I am sorry there will be so much hard work ahead for her and hope she learns to not be so toxic. All teens blame parents for some things, but she takes it up a few hundred notches. Is she taking any medications? I know at one point I think she was taking something, but cannot remember. If there was someway she could be talked into medications maybe that would help. I don't know why I say that because you already know it. Hugs. Try to do something to take care of yourself, you need all the TLC you can get.
  7. flutterby

    flutterby Fly away!

    She has taken medications a few times for about a month at a time. She would do better on them, willingly take them and then out of the blue declare that they weren't helping - that they made her feel worse - and refuse.

    Now she's in flat out refusal. For any medication other than ibuprofen or tylenol. For any purpose. She won't even take the amitriptyline for insomnia and headaches (she doesn't know it's also an AD). She keeps insisting that the pediatrician doctor said it was for headaches and would not listen that it was rx'd for insomnia, too. I've been hearing this for a month, since it was rx'd. So, therapist pulled out her medication book and read off what it's used for (leaving out the depression part). Killed that argument. She still didn't take it tonight, though, even though she has a headache so bad it's making her nauseous.
  8. graceupongrace

    graceupongrace New Member

    Heather, been there done that. It's exhausting. When she sees herself as the victim, it means she doesn't have to take responsibility for her actions. And blame is soooo much easier. Even the sprained ankle thing... difficult children will push you to the limit (and beyond), then act startled when you respond like a human being. And conveniently "forget" everything they said that led up to that point.

    I hope the marathon session turns out to be a good first step. Glad you found a good therapist.

  9. maril

    maril New Member

    I hope you got some rest and feel a little better today. :peaceful: The therapist sounds great. Hopefully, with the medication explanation by the therapist, your daughter will come around and change her mind about taking the amitriptyline. I imagine the insomnia can be a real problem, especially with school starting back up; my son faces that, too. :faint:

    Have a good Friday.
  10. flutterby

    flutterby Fly away!

    Thank you for the support, ladies.

    When we first got home, I was just exhausted, my head was pounding and my blood sugar had dropped. I was just glad to be out of there.

    But, then as I replayed the session in my mind I got angry all over again.

    I get where she's coming from. She doesn't want to be depressed and it is easier if you can blame everyone else. She doesn't want there to be something wrong with her. But, like I told her last night at the appointment, my shoulders are big, but they can't carry everything.
  11. susiestar

    susiestar Roll With It

    Who DOES want anything to be wrong with them? No one unless they are already very mentally ill.

    Of all the various things we went through with Wiz, this is my #2 most hated one. No one cared about him, no one loved him, no one gave HIM treats, no one ever gave HIM presents, no one praised him yada yada yada blah blah blah.

    At first we tried to reassure him. Then I discovered that he really didn't seem to "get it" when we praised him to his face. I started calling my parents or a friend to tell them what nice, awesome, etc.. thing he did/said and how it made me feel. After I clued the other family members in they did the same thing. I still think it was very odd, he sure heard criticism because he tossed it into our face verbatim (You say I never clean my room, you said I couldn't do X because of Z, etc...).

    After that, if he went into the poor pity me I would say, "oh no, I never took you to the Children's Museum, I never took you to play at B's house, I never fixed steak and potatoes Diana (named after my aunt), etc... I used things that were in the last 2-7 days that I HAD done.

    It took Wiz about a year, but it DID get through to him. Maybe it would help with your difficult child also?

    I am amazed teh therapist stayed with you for that long. I have yet to have a therapist who didn't move us out of tehre after 45 minutes. She sure sounds like a "keeper"!

    Pamper yourself this weekend as much as you are able. You EARNED it!
  12. KTMom91

    KTMom91 Well-Known Member

    Hugs, Heather. Miss KT fought me about everything for several years, because she "just wanted to be normal." Any reminder that she was not, in fact, normal, brought an over-the-top reaction. Glad the therapist explained things clearly. Try to take care of you this weekend.
  13. flutterby

    flutterby Fly away!

    I think the therapist realized that had she told her she is clinically depressed and ended the appointment with difficult child angry and crying, difficult child would not go back.

    We had talked about how she would react. We had talked about other tdocs who have said the "wrong thing" and difficult child's over the top reaction and refusal to return. So, I think she knew she had to get to the other side of the episode or she would lose difficult child, Know what I mean??

    Yeah, I feel very, very lucky to have found this therapist. Every time I replay the session in my head, I just think...God, she's good. She knew exactly how to approach her. She holds the mirror up to her and yet still manages to maintain difficult child's trust and confidence. That is not easy to do.

    therapist told me difficult child is a hard case. :hammer: Wonder where she gets her stubbornness from. ~looking innocent~ :angel:
  14. ML

    ML Guest

    OMGosh I get it. When manster goes into this type of victim mentality it drives me batty(er).

    That black void that no one can fill. The void that causes them to do destructive things like eat too much or create drama for attention in an effort to fill it. The one that takes hostages aka parents.

    I'm truly sorry for what you are going through. Hugs of understanding and support.


  15. totoro

    totoro Mom? What's a GFG?

    It's almost as if you want to play a tape to her, "You are clinically depressed, I love you, but until you are willing to help yourself and....blah blah blah" every time she battles with you or starts on one of her rants etc. You hit play.

    I am sorry for her issues, but she needs to want to be helped and be loved and accept it.
    She is so lucky she has you. Maybe one day she will see this.

    I am glad the therapist is seeing all of this.
  16. susiestar

    susiestar Roll With It

    WOW!! she sure deserves a batch of brownies if anyone ever did!

    She seems to respond better than any therapist we have seen except the one here that does not take our insurance.

    anyway, it is awesome that she "gets" your difficult child.
  17. flutterby

    flutterby Fly away!


    difficult child actually talked to me today about taking medication. She doesn't want to do lexapro as she has in the past. She said she has a fear of taking pills. I told her that Prozac has a once a week pill, but that I wasn't sure if the insurance would cover it since it's not (I think) available in generic.

    This is HUGE!!! Not just huge, GINORMOUS!!!

    I'm speechless. And sooooooo relieved and happy that she wants to do something to help herself.
  18. crazymama30

    crazymama30 Active Member


    WOW!!! Do any of the medications that would help her come in liquid form? Would that be a better option for her? Could they be crushed and put in liquid or pudding? Just some options to think about
  19. susiestar

    susiestar Roll With It

    WOW!! I know you have been battling this for a long time. maybe there really is a light at the end of the tunnel!

    Prozac comes in liquid. So does zoloft. Or zoloft used to. Proozac (fluoxetine) is not the $4 walmart prescription, but it is available in generic. Maybe a liquid would be less scary for her. Jess was on the zoloft liquid eons ago. She didn't mind the taste, if that matters. Actually, many pharmacies will flavor a prescription for a few bucks more.
  20. TerryJ2

    TerryJ2 Well-Known Member

    Heather, Way To Go! Bravo!
    Your therapist sounds fantastic.
    I am so glad she held on until difficult child saw the light. And that difficult child digested the info and came to you to talk the next day.
    I hope this continues.