Copabanana
Well-Known Member
Dear beebz:
In my quest to find your Boxer puppy's name, I have been finding all of these posts of yours that I never saw. I wanted to ask how he's doing in his recovery from the sad event of his imbibing a ping pong ball. (An aside: I've been thinking of getting a puppy. I've been a Boxer's person too for 30 years, and 3 Boxers, and ours too, died a year ago. I've been thinking of trying another breed, either a Staffy or Standard Poodle. But reading about your new baby has me longing for another Boxer.)
For so many years I have cried out from the pain of this hall of mirrors/memories. Over time I have come to some acceptance. For my son, I now see the strength and the potential that comes from confronting pain of the past. At the same time I recognize painfully that he may never do so. While I tried through much therapy to overcome my past, I ran from it through aspirations and ambition, until it overran me, in my old age. Our pain always runs faster and farther than we can.
I see that now as a gift of sources. (Although I can think of a thousand things I would want more.) And now I know about intergenerational trauma, ancestral trauma, and how even our children, like your son, can be carriers of it. And certainly, I carry it.
That my son could have escaped carrying some of his parents burden, was a fantasy on my part. He's better off engaging with it. I don't mean, repeating it. I mean doing battle with it. Having the manifest reality of it show up in his life, and overcoming. When I think about life like that.
There are realities about life. That it leads to death, is one. How can I stop death? I can't even stop my own. However ludicrous that sounds, I still think I can have control here. I can't. If I could accept this, I would be more free. I will work on it.
In my quest to find your Boxer puppy's name, I have been finding all of these posts of yours that I never saw. I wanted to ask how he's doing in his recovery from the sad event of his imbibing a ping pong ball. (An aside: I've been thinking of getting a puppy. I've been a Boxer's person too for 30 years, and 3 Boxers, and ours too, died a year ago. I've been thinking of trying another breed, either a Staffy or Standard Poodle. But reading about your new baby has me longing for another Boxer.)
There have been parents here who have made this choice. I struggle with the same thing with my own son. Whether or not my role is to try to protect him. Even though he is destroying himself. At this point I still believe he is better off fighting his own fight; I believe my harboring him is a cage, a prison, as long as he is not grappling with his demons. But that's today, I think this. I don't always.
I am dealing with this too. My father was an alcoholic and drug addict who died on Skid Row; as were my son's birth parents.
For so many years I have cried out from the pain of this hall of mirrors/memories. Over time I have come to some acceptance. For my son, I now see the strength and the potential that comes from confronting pain of the past. At the same time I recognize painfully that he may never do so. While I tried through much therapy to overcome my past, I ran from it through aspirations and ambition, until it overran me, in my old age. Our pain always runs faster and farther than we can.
I see that now as a gift of sources. (Although I can think of a thousand things I would want more.) And now I know about intergenerational trauma, ancestral trauma, and how even our children, like your son, can be carriers of it. And certainly, I carry it.
That my son could have escaped carrying some of his parents burden, was a fantasy on my part. He's better off engaging with it. I don't mean, repeating it. I mean doing battle with it. Having the manifest reality of it show up in his life, and overcoming. When I think about life like that.
There are realities about life. That it leads to death, is one. How can I stop death? I can't even stop my own. However ludicrous that sounds, I still think I can have control here. I can't. If I could accept this, I would be more free. I will work on it.
Last edited:
