4 weeks today...

Discussion in 'Substance Abuse' started by PatriotsGirl, May 21, 2013.

  1. PatriotsGirl

    PatriotsGirl Well-Known Member

    She has been in jail 4 weeks today. I have not heard from anyone at the court since court. I feel pangs of guilt sometimes that she is still there, but most times I am thankful that baby Connor must be thriving having this time away from her drug use. As of this Friday, she will have 30 days clean. For that, I am thankful. husband says this will be a turning point for her one way or another. She will go through the emotions of being angry, feeling sorry for herself, angry again and then she will either finally make the decision that this is not what she wants from life or she will decide life in jail isn't that bad.

    The waiting stinks. I have gotten no further calls from her since Mother's day and that is fine with me. I am keeping my distance and praying this all works out for the best in the end...
  2. everywoman

    everywoman Active Member

    Stay strong! I know it is not easy, but at this point she is safe, baby is safe, and you can breathe a little easier.
  3. scent of cedar

    scent of cedar New Member

    There is sometimes a let-down which comes once the difficult child is safe. We have functioned on the razor's edge for so long that we no longer remember how to celebrate or take joy in our lives. You have been through so much, Patriot's Girl. Be especially good to yourself, and to your husband, this week.

    difficult child is safe.

  4. PatriotsGirl

    PatriotsGirl Well-Known Member

    That makes a lot of sense....I have spent so many days worried, checking phone records, etc. This is a new place for me now. Even when she was in rehab, I was constantly checking phone records, checking on her, how she was doing, worrying if she would take off. I have never been in this position before...interesting...good point!
  5. Signorina

    Signorina Guest

    Peace PG. She is safe and so is the baby and she has a real shot at letting sober thinking take hold. Crossing fingers for you. Xoxo
  6. busywend

    busywend Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Maybe YOU are at a turning point as well....you may decide you like this life better than the chaos and stress of constant monitoring and worry.....you can change, too, you know.
  7. StressedM0mma

    StressedM0mma Active Member

    So happy for baby Connor. He must be growing and loving every minute of his mom being clean. Hopefully your difficult child will use this time to turn around.
  8. AmericanGirl

    AmericanGirl Member

    PG, I applaud your attitude. I know it's very very hard but you have done all you can. Thankfully, she is clean and safe....and Connor is also clean and safe.
  9. Hopeless

    Hopeless ....Hopeful Now

    4 weeks of being clean and baby Connor growing is great!
  10. Bunny

    Bunny Active Member

    I'm happy for Baby Conner that he's had four weeks of growing in a clean environment. My fingers are crossed that difficult child will think with a clear head now, and not through the fog and haze of drug use.
  11. Tiredof33

    Tiredof33 Active Member

    It's so sad that we have to feel our difficult children are better off in jail. I have been there too many times!

  12. recoveringenabler

    recoveringenabler Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Hugs to you PG, I hope you can rest and have some peace for a little while now..........
  13. PatriotsGirl

    PatriotsGirl Well-Known Member

    I actually received a phone call today...I was at the office and she asked if it was a bad time and I said no and went outside. I asked her what was up and she said she just called to see how I was doing. So we chatted a bit. She told me she has been reading a lot and going to church. She is still very unhappy about being there, of course. But I could hear a difference when it came to talking with me. Like she wasn't so angry with me anymore. I asked her about the program and she said she is not doing it. She says she does not have transportation and in the program, if you miss even one appointment, you go back to jail. She wants nothing to do with going back there. So she plans to wait it out until her court date in July where she feels she will have time served. She is probably right. But, hey that is three months clean. Better than nothing. She asked me if there was anyone up north she could move in with when she gets out. That one kind of threw me but I had to tell her she pretty much burned up all her bridges there. (Is it selfish of me to not want my grandson that far away from me either??) She is making hints at wanting to get away from the boyfriend, saying she can't keep getting dragged in. I told her that if he is the father, he does have rights and could stop her from leaving state with the baby.

    I asked her if she has felt Connor kick yet and she said he kicks all the time. So we chatted about that and other pregnancy events. Made me sad that I am missing this experience with her. This is not how I imagined it being when I finally became a grandma. There is a group of us from high school becoming grandmas this year. They all get to enjoy that experience with their daughters. I feel cheated. :( But as I told husband, I would still be missing everything if she wasn't in there and she would still be using. So, I will take her being sober and locked up. (I actually got an I love you back - haven't heard that in a while! Not even on Mother's day...)

    She then called back later in the day asking if I would please send her a book - any book by Norah Roberts. I asked how I do that and she told me I could order used ones from Amazon or Barnes & Noble and have them sent to her there. She also asked if I would mail her the Mother's day card that her brother made for her and if we would please write her. She even asked me to put some perfume on the letter? husband said she must be starting to miss things and getting nostalgic. I'll take it. I am going to write her - I am just unsure what to say. I don't want to write her to lecture her. She has heard me tell her what she is doing wrong a million times. She knows her choices stink. She doesn't need me to write her a letter reminding her of that. So, I think I want to write a positive letter. Reminding her that she is so loved and cherished. How she has a family waiting to welcome a sober difficult child with open arms. How we want to help her do good but won't enable her to do bad.

    So, an update....a slight change for the better....
  14. recoveringenabler

    recoveringenabler Well-Known Member Staff Member

    I'm so glad that she contacted you PG, this really is a positive step. I hope this continues as she remains sober. You and your difficult child are in my prayers........
  15. PatriotsGirl

    PatriotsGirl Well-Known Member

    I wrote her last night and after I started, the words kept flowing. I reminded her how loved she was, how her family is waiting to embrace a sober her and how we will support her and help her do the right things. So, I told her if the transportation is the worry, we can work that out. If she truly felt her other rehab was the right place for her, I would pay her entrance there. As long as they are the right choices, I am going to be right there backing her up! But I also reminded her that we will not enable her to make the wrong ones. I told her stories of when I was pregnant with her and gave her some advice to try to savor the moments of pregnancy. It truly is a wonderous and miraculous experience and goes by far too quickly. I told her to give her belly a rub for me and give little Connor a kiss. I knew I loved my own children before they were born - I am feeling the same way about this little boy!! I can't wait to meet him. <3

    I also printed a family picture to send to her and I did spray my perfume on the letter. :)

    Maybe we can work on repairing our relationship through writing letters...
  16. recoveringenabler

    recoveringenabler Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Very touching PG, I'll bet she is going to love reading that now that her brain is cleared up. Yes, I hope you can use letters to repair your relationship, it all sounds good.
  17. busywend

    busywend Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Wonderful news!

    My advice on the letters.....write 'old fashioned' style...your day to day activities, a funny from your trip to the store, what you made for dinner and what husband said about it.........these will help her realize what she is missing...and has been missing for months.
  18. Mrs.McNear51

    Mrs.McNear51 Member

    This was my Sweet Betsy. She lived on the streets, did every drug known to man, sold herself, was in and out of city jail several times. The last time she drank, she tore up her boyfriend's apt. and got 7 days in the county jail. When she was released, her first words to me were-"I will be sober from this day forward." She celebrated her 1 yr. sobriety on Mothers day. She also found out she was pregnant the day she was released from jail.

    I just wanted to give you HOPE. I truly believed I would bury her. We now share a wonderful bond, and her sweet baby Tessa has the mommy she so deserves. She is responsible & grateful for everyone and everything in her life. I support her in all the ways I can, telling her everyday, how proud I am of her and how very much I love her.

    Hang in there, I feel like you will be writing these words to another struggling mom some day. I will keep you all in my prayers.


  19. HaoZi

    HaoZi CD Hall of Fame

    If you truly want her away from, it's easier for her to move away before she has the baby than after. Though she's likely to be on probation and moving probation might be an issue, jurisdiction for child support and whatnot will be determined by where the baby lives. And she can force him to prove paternity, too.
  20. PatriotsGirl

    PatriotsGirl Well-Known Member

    Selfishly, I don't want my grandchild that far away from us....I want to be a part of his life. If she wants away from him, we can help with that, too. But I am wondering if she wasn't just angry with him again...she sent him a cd of ultrasound pictures and when she talked to him, she asked if he looked at them. He said things had been crazy and he hasn't gotten a chance. She called bs on that saying it is his son and nothing should be more important than looking at his pictures. (Hmmm, quite the change of tune there regarding the importance of Connor)...