I actually received a phone call today...I was at the office and she asked if it was a bad time and I said no and went outside. I asked her what was up and she said she just called to see how I was doing. So we chatted a bit. She told me she has been reading a lot and going to church. She is still very unhappy about being there, of course. But I could hear a difference when it came to talking with
me. Like she wasn't so angry with
me anymore. I asked her about the program and she said she is not doing it. She says she does not have transportation and in the program, if you miss even one appointment, you go back to jail. She wants nothing to do with going back there. So she plans to wait it out until her court date in July where she feels she will have time served. She is probably right. But, hey that is three months clean. Better than nothing. She asked me if there was anyone up north she could move in with when she gets out. That one kind of threw me but I had to tell her she pretty much burned up all her bridges there. (Is it selfish of me to not want my grandson that far away from me either??) She is making hints at wanting to get away from the boyfriend, saying she can't keep getting dragged in. I told her that if he is the father, he does have rights and could stop her from leaving state with the baby.
I asked her if she has felt Connor kick yet and she said he kicks all the time. So we chatted about that and other pregnancy events. Made me sad that I am missing this experience with her. This is not how I imagined it being when I finally became a grandma. There is a group of us from high school becoming grandmas this year. They all get to enjoy that experience with their daughters. I feel cheated.
But as I told husband, I would still be missing everything if she wasn't in there and she would still be using. So, I will take her being sober and locked up. (I actually got an I love you back - haven't heard that in a while! Not even on Mother's day...)
She then called back later in the day asking if I would please send her a book - any book by Norah Roberts. I asked how I do that and she told me I could order used ones from Amazon or Barnes & Noble and have them sent to her there. She also asked if I would mail her the Mother's day card that her brother made for her and if we would please write her. She even asked me to put some perfume on the letter? husband said she must be starting to miss things and getting nostalgic. I'll take it. I
am going to write her - I am just unsure what to say. I don't want to write her to lecture her. She has heard me tell her what she is doing wrong a million times. She knows her choices stink. She doesn't need me to write her a letter reminding her of that. So, I think I want to write a positive letter. Reminding her that she is so loved and cherished. How she has a family waiting to welcome a sober difficult child with open arms. How we want to help her do good but won't enable her to do bad.
So, an update....a slight change for the better....
