4 year old: grandparents think he has aspergers syndrome


New Member
My 4 yr old son had his tongue clipped at almost 2 due to being tongue-tied. He is a little "dutchy" when he speaks (he calls papaw crapaw). He has been in speech therapy and was also in physical therapy the first 6-7 months he was born due to torticollus. He likes to have his routines at his grandparents house, he goes in lines up his trains then watches thomas the train. I do not see this at home. His grandparents have a 10 year old son with this syndrome and I feel like they are trying to find something wrong with my son. I know he doesn't speak as well as other children his age, but he had a tongue-tie so he didn't speak until later. I actually had to go around his pediatrician and set up and appointment with an ENT myself because his pediatrician. didn't think it was necessary. He finally started speaking after the procedure. He does like to point out things he knows like "chickens lay eggs" repeatedly. He plays well with his brother and sisters, likes to make-believe. He has no problems with sensory that I've noticed. Noises don't bother him, he thinks semi's are awesome. I think he might be a little behind others his age, but that's it. At most maybe a slight learning disability or something like that. He does get angry easy, like this morning he wanted to wear tennis shoes when I put his sandals on him. He had a fit, I offered to send them with him and he was fine. My 3 yr old will do the same thing if she isn't getting her way. Normal child behavior or do we try to label her as having a syndrome also? I am not into this labeling of my child before he is even in kindergarten. He does not like strangers, but doesn't take long to warm up to someone. He loves being cuddled, likes to be read to. I am just wanting others opinions.
ALSO.... my 5 yr old daughter is making me crazy... I went to sign out the kids early yesterday and was stopped by her teacher who told me she is retaining nothing they do in school. She told me out of the abc's she could only recognize 2. This is completely untrue. I do flash cards with her nightly and she knows at least half of them now. I don't know why she is keeping this information away from her teacher, but she is nowhere near as behind as they think she is. In sight words they said she only knew 2 of them, when in fact at home she has read 6 of them repeatedly. But then again, she doesn't throw tantrums in the class, like she does at home and at the babysitters (who will no longer babysit). I know she knows them, she knows she knows them, but she won't do it for the teacher and now they want to have a conference with the Special Education teacher :(
AND... my oldest son is being pulled from class for extra help with math and he is doing much better, but the school is pushing me to take him to the pediatrician. for medication to help him focus, apparently he does a lot of daydreaming in class. He gets A's on all his spelling tests and rarely gets below a B on anything other than math. He is in 1st grade.
Sorry for the long post! I just need some ideas here, someone to talk to.


Well-Known Member
Since things like Aspergers run in the family and lining up toys and speech problems are big red flags for the spectrum, I'd definitely get him tested. Not sure where you live. Doesn't sound like the US. If it is, I'd take him to a neuropsychologist. If not, follow your country's procedure. I think Grandpa and Grandma are trying to help you, not find something wrong with your son.

Daughter sounds differently wired too. Like I said, these issues run in families. Can't hurt to also have her tested by an expert which, in the US, is a neuropsychologist.

Doubt if either of your kids have ADHD. Sounds different. Don't listen to non-medical "experts" (in their own minds) like teachers who tell you when to prescribe medication. That is no different than me telling you to put your kids on medications. Stick to the medical profession for that and skip the pediatrician. Peds do not know how to test for certain disorders...they are not good for diagnosing stuff other than strep throat. A good pediatrician will refer you elsewhere for testing. Your pediatrician may well be up for replacement if he didn't even know you need an ENT if a child is tongue-tired. Nothing wrong with switching doctors.

I have three normally wired kids and one high on the spectrum (like an Aspie) and your kids do sound more quirky than "typical." When kids like this are very young, the problems can be minimal, but they do need help or when the school work gets harder and socializing is more complicated, they REALLY struggle and the anger/frustration can be worse. They don't usually outgrow t hese things. They usually just become more noticeable with time. Early intervention is the key here. Trust me, it's no fun to watch your child walk alone at recess, talking to himself, and having a know-it-all teacher calling you every day to tell you that you are a "bad parent" (not true, by the way, but it happens). Better to nip it in the bud.

Where do you live?

My attitude is, who cares about a label if it gets your kid good help?? :)

Good luck! :)


We took difficult child 2 to the autism specialist for testing to shut up our pediatrician who had been hounding us for a year that he was autistic. We were shocked.

Getting him tested wouldn't hurt. You don't have to tell anyone the results if you don't want to, and it might help your peace of mind. My 2 year old also has a speech delay. I got him tested for Autism Spectrum Disorders (ASD). The results were inconclusive. I still don't know if its a speech delay or a speech delay because of Autism Spectrum Disorders (ASD).

The medications on the other hand might hurt him. I'm saying this and I have lots of my kids on medications. I am not against medications. I do believe you have to completely agree with it before hand. My kids can not function without medications. If I could take them off the medications and change my parenting to get the desired functionality I would in a heart beat.

Your 5 year old daughter reminds me of my 5 year old daughter! I started teaching her to read last year and it was like pouring water into a sieve. I think she has a learning disability. We didn't give up on reading. Though I did have to come up with creative ways of teaching her and I have to shorten the lessons. Her brain gets tired. I know she knows the sound to "s", but if she can pull it out of her brain at the exact moment I'm testing her is doubtful. It depends on what else has been going on, if it is early in the morning or in the afternoon, if she has eaten, if it is at the end of the lesson or beginning, ect... With your daughter a good sp ed teacher might be very beneficial to her. The creative teaching isn't something a general ed teacher can do in a classroom of 20-30 kids.

By the way, my daughter has finally started to catch on to reading, but we are still going slow.


Well-Known Member
Hi, em87. I'm sorry I have not been on the board much lately.

From your description, I would tend to agree with-the grandparents. And it isn't just "labeling." It's a way to get services in school, and it's a way to work around your kids' abilities and with their abilities, because they do not learn the same way other kids do.

Keep in mind that Asperger's is on a spectrum; it can range from very high functioning to all-out autism without speech.

There's a checkout clerk at the grocery store that husband and I go to who is probably Aspie, and husband and I were talking about him and had both decided in our own minds that not only was he Aspie, but we liked having him help us at the scan-your-own aisle because he's so fast and efficient. At first, I thought he was a bit brash and rude, but then I realized that he had every single code memorized and I put two-and-two together ... Now I'm not offended and I realize that's who he is. He never seems to slow down and he never complains like the other clerks do. There are advantages, actually.

Don't think that just because your son or daughter doesn't have sensory issues that they aren't Aspie. They don't have to have all the traits. Most of the online tests say that if you check off say, 5 or more, or 10 or more, you're probably on the spectrum.

I hear what you are saying about your grandparents, but I don't think they're trying to find something "wrong" with-your kids. I think they are able to be more objective because they're not as "close" as you are. I hope that this does not affect your relationship.

by the way, the description you gave of your son repeating the same phrase over and over is typical autism. Once he learns to read, pay close attention to see if he repeats the exact words he has read, or if he can interpret what he read on a different level. Watch to see if he can pick out a similar book or story to one he has already read, instead of the exact same book.


em87, I agree with others here, I didnt think my daughter has issues but am staring to doubt that. ( quite and bathing issue) and of course my son has issues. But , the best thing is just to take them in to get tested just to confirm or deny anything. When you take them out how do they act? Does anyone look or say anything? Other friends or family have suggestions? It can take an observer outside the home to see what we can't. On your oldest son, he doesnt sound like he needs medications! He sounds like he's doing great with his grades. What does he say about being dreamy? Maybe on most subjects he knows it so well, he finishes it sooner. Or his learning style is different from the teachers style. That doesnt mean ADD or Learning disability. Keep an eye out for him, you can get him tested but he's passing and sitting in his chair, I personally would not start medications even if Dr said he had a little ADD. Im still learning a lot here, so of course its just my opinion and what I would do. Good luck :)