4 years later (nothing seems to work with our out of control 16 yr old son)

[ppye]

Where do I begin? 4 years ago we had a son that went from passing to failing, having over 80 write ups in school, etc.
My son is intelligent, good looking and has a heart of gold but he's lost site of everything. Over the last 4 years, his father and I (who are not together but still good friends and we work together for our son)-have had to deal with constant calls from the school, write ups, detention, and more. He has no respect for authority or his parents, he wants to do what he wants to do and does not care about consequences. We have taken him to Social Workers, Pyschiatrist, Therapist, Pyscho-Therapist, been to parenting classes, spent over $30,000 sending him to a Drug Rehab (from the Dr. Phil Show). He stopped smoking for 30 days (pot) but came home with peireced ears and smoking cigarettes.
I had sugery 30 days ago -he stole my pain medication, he takes money, most recently his dads ring that he received from work (after 25 yrs) came up missing... so, his dad told him to leave. Now, he is 16-going on 17 in September living with a friend (who is just like him) ...
What do we do ??? We are out of money and have no idea what to do anymore... Do we let him run the streets ? Will we get in trouble since he is 16 years old???
It kills me to see my friends kids (happy, going to school, sports and the dances) .. What did we do wrong?? What can we do ??? Please --any advice is appreciated ..
I would like to put him in Military school but no money ???????
Thanks for listening.

 

[BusynMember]

My guess is that four years ago he started using drugs, and a lot more than pot (you don't steal money for pot). He is probably doing everything he is doing due to drugs. Don't feel bad about the military school. They won't accept problem kids anyway.

I had a daughter who was a druggie in high school and I tried everything. Nothing worked. She did not quit until she wanted to quit. Nothing we did worked and I don't blame us or you. I suggest going to an Al-Anon or Narc-Anon meeting to get suggestions from those in the trenches.

Lots and lots of hugs...and good luck. I know first hand how difficult this is. What are his friends like?

 

[buddy]

Others here have said that they encourage you to press charges when they steal etc. It can help build your case that he is out of control and you are not just letting him run wild. You also leave a trail to show that he needs help. Sounds like he needs more than thirty days... sounds like he may need residential living/treatment center that is ongoing if you are still held responsible for housing him. You should probably check the laws in your area. Some here have petitioned the courts for a CHINS (child in need of services ...other names for this people will share, Our adoption worker had to do this with two of her kids).

Sorry for your struggles. I agree sounds like drugs are the issue but of course that is just from this brief post. Especially if he was fine up until that point. HUGS to you... hope you check in again and give us an update.

 

[DaisyFace]

Hello and welcome!

I think your options are going to vary by state (assuming you are in the US ), but generally, yes, you are responsible for him until he turns 18. You cannot legally kick him out...

BUT you can invite him back to live with you with some very strict rules to follow - and with any luck he will "choose" to stay with his friend. Then you go to the police and tell them your uncooperative 16 or 17 year old won't come home. They will file the report but probably not waste much time looking for a kid his age.