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43 year old homeless son
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<blockquote data-quote="Echolette" data-source="post: 637658" data-attributes="member: 17269"><p>MarieCS, I am so sorry this is happening to you. We are all familiar with this kind of story...sort of unbelievable to anyone who has not lived through it themselves! ONe thing seems clear to me...if you respond to his call by sending him money, you will get more calls just like this whenever he wants money. There is really no world in which a 43 year old should be expecting support from his mom...like you, I was very liberal with money, and I am suddenly realizing that...every $100 I gave away (and there were many many many hundreds!) is another day of work for me...so I have added years of work onto my life! Which is OK, but I don't think I recognized the clear tradeoff until recently. And then...what will happen when you have given it all away? Or when you are gone?</p><p></p><p>I am sorry he is reacting so vigorously. We do see this over and over...they escalate when we change the rules, expecially if it means they have to figure out a different way to get what they want or need. First...they try banging on the same door they have always used, only louder! That is what we would all do...I always go this way, right, so if the door is closed now I should bang on it, no kick it, no break it down...before I go for a walk and look for a different route. </p><p></p><p>Suicide threats are very scary. It is OK to call the police and alert them, and to let your son know that you love him and because you love him you are going to take his threats seriously and do that. Sending money won't prevent suicide. That just isn't an equation that works.</p><p></p><p>Hugs to you sad mom.</p><p></p><p>Echo</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Echolette, post: 637658, member: 17269"] MarieCS, I am so sorry this is happening to you. We are all familiar with this kind of story...sort of unbelievable to anyone who has not lived through it themselves! ONe thing seems clear to me...if you respond to his call by sending him money, you will get more calls just like this whenever he wants money. There is really no world in which a 43 year old should be expecting support from his mom...like you, I was very liberal with money, and I am suddenly realizing that...every $100 I gave away (and there were many many many hundreds!) is another day of work for me...so I have added years of work onto my life! Which is OK, but I don't think I recognized the clear tradeoff until recently. And then...what will happen when you have given it all away? Or when you are gone? I am sorry he is reacting so vigorously. We do see this over and over...they escalate when we change the rules, expecially if it means they have to figure out a different way to get what they want or need. First...they try banging on the same door they have always used, only louder! That is what we would all do...I always go this way, right, so if the door is closed now I should bang on it, no kick it, no break it down...before I go for a walk and look for a different route. Suicide threats are very scary. It is OK to call the police and alert them, and to let your son know that you love him and because you love him you are going to take his threats seriously and do that. Sending money won't prevent suicide. That just isn't an equation that works. Hugs to you sad mom. Echo [/QUOTE]
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