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43 year old homeless son
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<blockquote data-quote="Scent of Cedar *" data-source="post: 637909" data-attributes="member: 17461"><p>I am running on empty over this question myself. </p><p></p><p>I bounce between "If only" and "I should have" and "if I'd known." Then, I begin recalling the determination with which (in this case difficult child daughter) roared headlong down the path of her own destruction<em>.</em></p><p></p><p><em>And nothing we did, and no responsibility she had, even to her own children, could stop or change or even alter the path she seemed determined to take. </em></p><p></p><p>This helped me: Think of the young soldiers serving in other countries. Nineteen, maybe twenty years old. Just out of high school and hardly shaving, yet. Think how young that is, to be so far from home, to be so frequently in danger. Think how they stand up, do what they swore to do...sometimes, die doing.</p><p></p><p>Now think of your son.</p><p></p><p>A grown man. A mature male. Verbally abusing and blackmailing the mother he should be cherishing, protecting, respecting, and watching over because he doesn't have any money.</p><p></p><p>Or anywhere to live.</p><p></p><p>A grown up man, badmouthing and blackmailing his own mother because it is easier to hurt her, easier to break her enough to give him what he wants, than it is to work, to establish himself as a man.</p><p></p><p>I am still in the thick of this with my son, too. </p><p></p><p>It helps me to say:</p><p></p><p>"No more money."</p><p></p><p>"You were raised better than this."</p><p></p><p>"I expect you to be the man your father and I raised you to be."</p><p></p><p>That last one is not working too well for me, actually. It seems to really hit home for difficult child son and he says the most rotten things. This sets me spinning and I have to post like crazy just to pick myself up again.</p><p></p><p>It's like I go into shock at the difference between who my son is and the son I am carting around in my heart.</p><p></p><p>But the difference between now and when I was defenseless is that I can post here now, and stand up again.</p><p></p><p>And now that you are here, so can you.</p><p></p><p>:O)</p><p></p><p>And so, eventually I get myself upright again, no matter what difficult child son says. And the more times that I do that, the more certainly I realize that I want what I want ~ which is an honorable man for a son.</p><p></p><p>So, that is what I am working toward.</p><p></p><p>An honorable man.</p><p></p><p>And boy, once I decided that?</p><p></p><p>I was able to counter that picture I hold of my son as a very young boy. He is not a young boy. </p><p></p><p>He is a man.</p><p></p><p>And he needs to stand up.</p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>It is not easy on us.</p><p></p><p>But we have one another, here on the site.</p><p></p><p>Welcome, and I am very glad you are here.</p><p></p><p>Cedar</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Scent of Cedar *, post: 637909, member: 17461"] I am running on empty over this question myself. I bounce between "If only" and "I should have" and "if I'd known." Then, I begin recalling the determination with which (in this case difficult child daughter) roared headlong down the path of her own destruction[I].[/I] [I]And nothing we did, and no responsibility she had, even to her own children, could stop or change or even alter the path she seemed determined to take. [/I] This helped me: Think of the young soldiers serving in other countries. Nineteen, maybe twenty years old. Just out of high school and hardly shaving, yet. Think how young that is, to be so far from home, to be so frequently in danger. Think how they stand up, do what they swore to do...sometimes, die doing. Now think of your son. A grown man. A mature male. Verbally abusing and blackmailing the mother he should be cherishing, protecting, respecting, and watching over because he doesn't have any money. Or anywhere to live. A grown up man, badmouthing and blackmailing his own mother because it is easier to hurt her, easier to break her enough to give him what he wants, than it is to work, to establish himself as a man. I am still in the thick of this with my son, too. It helps me to say: "No more money." "You were raised better than this." "I expect you to be the man your father and I raised you to be." That last one is not working too well for me, actually. It seems to really hit home for difficult child son and he says the most rotten things. This sets me spinning and I have to post like crazy just to pick myself up again. It's like I go into shock at the difference between who my son is and the son I am carting around in my heart. But the difference between now and when I was defenseless is that I can post here now, and stand up again. And now that you are here, so can you. :O) And so, eventually I get myself upright again, no matter what difficult child son says. And the more times that I do that, the more certainly I realize that I want what I want ~ which is an honorable man for a son. So, that is what I am working toward. An honorable man. And boy, once I decided that? I was able to counter that picture I hold of my son as a very young boy. He is not a young boy. He is a man. And he needs to stand up. It is not easy on us. But we have one another, here on the site. Welcome, and I am very glad you are here. Cedar [/QUOTE]
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43 year old homeless son
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