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General Parenting
5 reasons to stop saying ' Good Job ' - Alfie Kohn
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<blockquote data-quote="helpmehelphim" data-source="post: 15612" data-attributes="member: 2650"><p>Janna, I'm sorry if it sounds like I'm coming down on behavior modification. Honestly, if Barkley or Riley had worked for me (and using his rewards which he relies heavily on) I probably wouldn't have kept searching and found Alfie Kohn or Ross Greene. But, it didn't work for my son. And quite honestly made things worse. But that was my house and my kid. </p><p></p><p>I believe that what we are doing in supporting each other is trading information that we find useful. We are both right and the other people here who use other approaches and find other ways to teach their children are right too. The "right" comes from what gives our children and ourselves relief from these illnesses. I believe in behavior modification and see it work for some kids. I believe in working with as well and see approaches like Greene work for other kids. We are all different and it makes complete sense to me that different approaches are going to help different kids. I do not believe that what I find helpful is what everyone "should" find helpful. I only offer my best information in an effort to give back what this board has graciously given me. I usually try and say "take what might help and leave the rest". </p><p></p><p>I apologize if it seemed that I was saying that this is all there is and it is the only "right". It was my poor wording if that is the case. I do not feel that way. I used other approaches first and I tried them with seriousness and great effort. They were approaches provided by counselors over the years and we've been to many. It was actually through this board that I even found Greene and Kohn. I owe this board a lot and to me that means that I owe each and every parent on this board a great deal. Whatever we do that helps and teaches is right and I want every parent to know that I respect that.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="helpmehelphim, post: 15612, member: 2650"] Janna, I'm sorry if it sounds like I'm coming down on behavior modification. Honestly, if Barkley or Riley had worked for me (and using his rewards which he relies heavily on) I probably wouldn't have kept searching and found Alfie Kohn or Ross Greene. But, it didn't work for my son. And quite honestly made things worse. But that was my house and my kid. I believe that what we are doing in supporting each other is trading information that we find useful. We are both right and the other people here who use other approaches and find other ways to teach their children are right too. The "right" comes from what gives our children and ourselves relief from these illnesses. I believe in behavior modification and see it work for some kids. I believe in working with as well and see approaches like Greene work for other kids. We are all different and it makes complete sense to me that different approaches are going to help different kids. I do not believe that what I find helpful is what everyone "should" find helpful. I only offer my best information in an effort to give back what this board has graciously given me. I usually try and say "take what might help and leave the rest". I apologize if it seemed that I was saying that this is all there is and it is the only "right". It was my poor wording if that is the case. I do not feel that way. I used other approaches first and I tried them with seriousness and great effort. They were approaches provided by counselors over the years and we've been to many. It was actually through this board that I even found Greene and Kohn. I owe this board a lot and to me that means that I owe each and every parent on this board a great deal. Whatever we do that helps and teaches is right and I want every parent to know that I respect that. [/QUOTE]
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5 reasons to stop saying ' Good Job ' - Alfie Kohn
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