5 year old hits, screams, throws fits, and is very strong willed!

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by clmiller610, Sep 19, 2011.

  1. clmiller610

    clmiller610 New Member

    I know that some of this we can chalk up to age.... My 1st child went through a "testing period" at the same age....

    But this is about times ten of what our first child went through.... I need to know how to handle him, because I am not good at it. Our patience is thin and we are tired.

    I'll start by explaining his normal behavior. When he is at his calmest, he constantly whispers to himself repeatedly, phrases he hears... Loud enough and to the point that it bugs everyone around him. And it could be anything, what we say, what he hears on a show, or radio. We'll ask him to stop, and a minute later, he'll be doing it again.
    When he puts himself to sleep, he bangs his head on his pillow till he's out! Always has... even in the crib, and on my chest while I was racking him as a baby.

    Situations usually start when he just decides to hit someone for no appearent reason (school or home), or doesn't want to take orders or suggestions from his older brother. Normal, I know, But his reaction is always to scream his head off. Home, in public, doesn't matter. I send him to his room, or time out, corner, wall sits... whatever, we have tried everything.
    and he refuses.... This is when he gets very, very stubborn. So much so that I have to physically carry him to his room, or when I threaten to spank, he'll run to his room and slam his door. After which we will let him calm down, then try to reason with him and tell him what he did wrong, how he should've acted and how unhappy his reactions make our family.

    I know that I am not doing it right, because it's not working.... So please, pretty please... With sugar, whipped cream and chopped walnuts on top... Tell me what to do!
  2. clmiller610

    clmiller610 New Member

    I did forget to mention that he is a very picky eater and he is not taking medications or is not diagnosed with any disorder.
  3. InsaneCdn

    InsaneCdn Well-Known Member

    Hi, and welcome - sorry you had to find us, but you've come to a good place.

    Just from your initial description of behaviors, first - this is not normal. But you already knew that.
    It sounds like he's been like this "all his life" - so, its not due to recent events (trauma, for example).

    Has he ever had any evaluations at all? Things like the head-banging, right from infancy - was the doctor aware of this?

    I can't tell you what to do to make your situation better.
    But I would suggest finding a way to get a comprehensive evaluation done as soon as possible.
    Once you know what is going on, it will be easier to find ways to deal with the situation - accommodations, interventions, sometimes medications depending on the diagnosis(es).
  4. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    InsaneCanadian, this is for you. Just a short note to tell you how funny I think your handle is :) Also, you give great advice!
  5. TeDo

    TeDo Guest

    I agree with Insane. He needs to have a thorough evaluation done by a neuropsychologist, Child Psychiatrist, or even a Developmental pediatrician soon, before things get worse. You might also look into having an Occupational Therapist experienced with children's issues do a thorough assessment. I have found a lot of things out about my difficult child that I would never have even thought of but make perfect sense to me now.

    Get the book "The Explosive Child". Changing the way you react and think might help a lot. I know it helped our situation. I had to switch from "you aren't supposed to do that" to "why did you do that". What a difference it made.

  6. clmiller610

    clmiller610 New Member

    LOL! I suppose I should've said "hello" first, before I went into my rant! Hello all! I am extremely glad to have found this forum! I will be from this day forth, an avid member! I cannot wait to read your advice and chime in with my own advise and support whenever I feel I am quailified to do so! I already feel as though I have an instant support system!

    Thanks for the welcome Insanecanadian! P.S. I love your name too!
  7. nvts

    nvts Active Member

    Hi! Welcome to the crowd...get thee to a neuropsychologist! It's sounding like he's needing to get some testing done - and once you've got an idea as to what you're dealing with, you'll be able to get the proper interventions put into place.

    It's a great group of people on here - great senses of humor, a lot of compassion and a vast amount of knowledge.

    Ummmm, was hot fudge included with the sugar on top?

  8. Steely

    Steely Active Member

    As others have said....your kiddo needs some testing and evaluations done ASAP.
    We are not doctors or experts, but it does sound in my opinion as if he is within the Aspergers spectrum. You might look that diagnosis up and see if any of the characteristics listed are true for your son.
    I would suggest you ignore the whispering for now. It sounds almost compulsive, and punishment cannot change compulsivity.
    Hugs, and welcome to our world.:)
  9. Ktllc

    Ktllc New Member

    Welcome, and like pp: get working on that al so usefull evaluation! I can take a long time so don't delay.
    Just because your techniques don't work, does not make you a poor mother. You just have an unusual child and you need to be very creative in your parenting. This forum will teach a lot. Read and ask questions.
    For now, until we know a bit more: my only suggeston is to talk with him. Talk as much as you can about his feelings, thoughts, frustrations, what makes him happy, etc... It takes A LOT of learning both on his and your end.