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<blockquote data-quote="susiestar" data-source="post: 625770" data-attributes="member: 1233"><p>It is time to either make caring for your gpa your job, and to treat it as such, or to figure out how to get a grant for the education you need to get the career you want. Make some calls TODAY about how to get training to be what you want. There are all sorts of colleges and schools out there. MOST of their students are on scholarships or grants, you will NOT NOT NOT be the only one. Not even close. </p><p></p><p>My husband taught for a national jr college for a while. Almost every single student was having their entire education paid for by the fed govt. Grants and scholarships mixed wtih a couple of loans, and from what he heard from both students AND the school staff, very little was paid with loans. Esp for the single moms with other sorts of support like EBT, TANF, unemployment, etc.... They qualified for enough help that they could struggle a bit and be very frugal but still get through school an d then get a job with the certification.</p><p></p><p>Your experience with your gpa is actually a PLUS if you become a CNA or someone who works in a nursing home. It is EXPERIENCE even if it is unpaid. Most people have ZERO idea how the things they do in everyday life can benefit them on a job and on a resume. </p><p></p><p>Setting bundaries for your gpa and not tolerating the abuse, the way that MWM and her sister did, has unexpected results. First, you start to feel good about it after a while and that initial awful, scared, feeling passes. Second, it gives you confidence in your interactions with others, esp when the sky doesn't fall in on you. Third, the person you set the boundary with starts to RESPECT you.</p><p></p><p>For a number of years my father in law was horribly verbally abusive to husband and somewhat to me. WHen we moved he was drinking a LOT. WHile he didn't do rehab or admit to having a problem, his wife (stepmil) would NOT let him speak to us on the phone unless she was on the other line. He pulls ZERO abusive koi if she can hear the conversation. He started sending letters to my husband calling him a failure and even worse things. My husband actually ended up talking about suicide due to these letters in a LARGE part. I warned my father in law that he would either STOP being abusive ro he would have zero contact with husband, period. I knew I could make it happen before I said it. Until we got married, husband saw his dad maybe 2x per year - xmas and around July for combined birthday/father's day. I believe grands are important to kids, so I pushed to involve them in our lives. Boy did I regret that for quite a while. </p><p></p><p>Once I set the limit/boundary, father in law sent another letter, plus he told mother in law that I was a liar, a cheat, a thief, and was running around on husband and that our oldest wasn't husband's child. husband didn't even know all of these. The one about Wiz was HILARIOUS to me because he looks just like husband's side of the family, a clone of our nephew on that side, and just like father in law as a baby. Then he got drunk, and called us the day the letter arrived stating those things. I listened, said okay, he knew the limit. Then I called stepMIL and read both that letter that arrived and six of the letters that father in law had sent to husband with-o stepMIL knowing. I let her know that it would likely be more than a few months before they would speak to husband because he was just too fragile. I would speak to her, but would not EVER put husband on the phone until I was sure that father in law was sober and would not be abusive. father in law of course demanded to speak to husband several times over the next few months. husband didn't like talking on the phone and I set the ringer to not ring at all. husband didn't even question it at the time.</p><p></p><p>Fast forward about a year later and a whole brand new father in law called me, with stepMIL on the line. As we lived hundreds of miles away, he had not spoken to husband in that time except once at xmas. He apologized, and asked to speak to husband. husband wasn't home, so I said that. I didn't get the ranting, I got a polite request to have husband call him when we could both be on the phone. I also got a written apology from father in law.</p><p></p><p>When we spoke to father in law, he apologized. My husband was so shocked when this happened because NO ONE had ever gotten an apology from his dad that he knew of. He also didn't know ANYONE who stood up to father in law, EVER, and got spoken to again by him in ANY positive way. Esp not someone so very much younger than he was. I just knew that NO ONE would speak to my husband abusively and tell him that there was no reason for him to even keep breathing (one thing father in law said to him in those letters that were sent with-o stepMIL's knowledge, the ones I sent her copies of). </p><p></p><p>Now, years later, father in law and I respect each other and have no problems with each other. husband and his dad have a better relationship because I drew those lines and made sure he knew that crossing them would have real consequences. I almost fell over about ten yrs ago when father in law told me that he actually appreciated the way I stood up to him because no one had ever done it that way and he had NO idea that he had hurt his son so badly. </p><p></p><p>I was TERRIFIED when I set those boundaries. Of course I was more terrified that another letter would come and I would find my husband dead somewhere because he hurt himself I figured that of the two things, my fear of what father in law would do was the easiest to push through, so I did.</p><p></p><p>It gave me quite a sense of strength to have stood up to my father in law that way. Esp because other than stepMIL, there really was NO ONE who told father in law that he could not do something or behave however badly he wanted. </p><p></p><p>YOU will be scared when you tell your Gpa that he cannot speak to you that way, and that you cannot be superwoman. You can become financially independent of him by going online or picking up your phone and calling the local college or school to find out how to get help choosing a program and finding grants and loans and scholarships to help you pay for it.</p><p></p><p>You ARE good enough, smart enough, and strong enough to do this. You ARE worthwhile, and valuable, and CAPABLE. You CAN do this. </p><p></p><p>I believe in you.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="susiestar, post: 625770, member: 1233"] It is time to either make caring for your gpa your job, and to treat it as such, or to figure out how to get a grant for the education you need to get the career you want. Make some calls TODAY about how to get training to be what you want. There are all sorts of colleges and schools out there. MOST of their students are on scholarships or grants, you will NOT NOT NOT be the only one. Not even close. My husband taught for a national jr college for a while. Almost every single student was having their entire education paid for by the fed govt. Grants and scholarships mixed wtih a couple of loans, and from what he heard from both students AND the school staff, very little was paid with loans. Esp for the single moms with other sorts of support like EBT, TANF, unemployment, etc.... They qualified for enough help that they could struggle a bit and be very frugal but still get through school an d then get a job with the certification. Your experience with your gpa is actually a PLUS if you become a CNA or someone who works in a nursing home. It is EXPERIENCE even if it is unpaid. Most people have ZERO idea how the things they do in everyday life can benefit them on a job and on a resume. Setting bundaries for your gpa and not tolerating the abuse, the way that MWM and her sister did, has unexpected results. First, you start to feel good about it after a while and that initial awful, scared, feeling passes. Second, it gives you confidence in your interactions with others, esp when the sky doesn't fall in on you. Third, the person you set the boundary with starts to RESPECT you. For a number of years my father in law was horribly verbally abusive to husband and somewhat to me. WHen we moved he was drinking a LOT. WHile he didn't do rehab or admit to having a problem, his wife (stepmil) would NOT let him speak to us on the phone unless she was on the other line. He pulls ZERO abusive koi if she can hear the conversation. He started sending letters to my husband calling him a failure and even worse things. My husband actually ended up talking about suicide due to these letters in a LARGE part. I warned my father in law that he would either STOP being abusive ro he would have zero contact with husband, period. I knew I could make it happen before I said it. Until we got married, husband saw his dad maybe 2x per year - xmas and around July for combined birthday/father's day. I believe grands are important to kids, so I pushed to involve them in our lives. Boy did I regret that for quite a while. Once I set the limit/boundary, father in law sent another letter, plus he told mother in law that I was a liar, a cheat, a thief, and was running around on husband and that our oldest wasn't husband's child. husband didn't even know all of these. The one about Wiz was HILARIOUS to me because he looks just like husband's side of the family, a clone of our nephew on that side, and just like father in law as a baby. Then he got drunk, and called us the day the letter arrived stating those things. I listened, said okay, he knew the limit. Then I called stepMIL and read both that letter that arrived and six of the letters that father in law had sent to husband with-o stepMIL knowing. I let her know that it would likely be more than a few months before they would speak to husband because he was just too fragile. I would speak to her, but would not EVER put husband on the phone until I was sure that father in law was sober and would not be abusive. father in law of course demanded to speak to husband several times over the next few months. husband didn't like talking on the phone and I set the ringer to not ring at all. husband didn't even question it at the time. Fast forward about a year later and a whole brand new father in law called me, with stepMIL on the line. As we lived hundreds of miles away, he had not spoken to husband in that time except once at xmas. He apologized, and asked to speak to husband. husband wasn't home, so I said that. I didn't get the ranting, I got a polite request to have husband call him when we could both be on the phone. I also got a written apology from father in law. When we spoke to father in law, he apologized. My husband was so shocked when this happened because NO ONE had ever gotten an apology from his dad that he knew of. He also didn't know ANYONE who stood up to father in law, EVER, and got spoken to again by him in ANY positive way. Esp not someone so very much younger than he was. I just knew that NO ONE would speak to my husband abusively and tell him that there was no reason for him to even keep breathing (one thing father in law said to him in those letters that were sent with-o stepMIL's knowledge, the ones I sent her copies of). Now, years later, father in law and I respect each other and have no problems with each other. husband and his dad have a better relationship because I drew those lines and made sure he knew that crossing them would have real consequences. I almost fell over about ten yrs ago when father in law told me that he actually appreciated the way I stood up to him because no one had ever done it that way and he had NO idea that he had hurt his son so badly. I was TERRIFIED when I set those boundaries. Of course I was more terrified that another letter would come and I would find my husband dead somewhere because he hurt himself I figured that of the two things, my fear of what father in law would do was the easiest to push through, so I did. It gave me quite a sense of strength to have stood up to my father in law that way. Esp because other than stepMIL, there really was NO ONE who told father in law that he could not do something or behave however badly he wanted. YOU will be scared when you tell your Gpa that he cannot speak to you that way, and that you cannot be superwoman. You can become financially independent of him by going online or picking up your phone and calling the local college or school to find out how to get help choosing a program and finding grants and loans and scholarships to help you pay for it. You ARE good enough, smart enough, and strong enough to do this. You ARE worthwhile, and valuable, and CAPABLE. You CAN do this. I believe in you. [/QUOTE]
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