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<blockquote data-quote="BusynMember" data-source="post: 625805" data-attributes="member: 1550"><p>pas, I can relate. I used to think I wasn't abused because nobody ever hit me. I would say it was my fault that I got yelled at, degraded, demeaned, etc. because I had been such a bad kid. But I WAS a kid and needed help, which I never got. I did not need to be called "stupid" "selfish" "lazy" etc. Those words in my mother and father's voice walked with me at least until my 40's, which is just too old to be thinking about your childhood. But both mom and dad were still abusive. Mother was worse. She cut me off, and nobody knows why, when I was in my 40's and she would not talk about it or change and did not change until her death. Cutting soembody off cold without telling them why and giving them a say, if they are civilized to you, is a form of abuse. It surprised me when I read that. It is actually a horrible, horrible form of abuse. I was never told why it happened or what I did. My siblings didn't know. My father didn't know. He was a lot nicer to me than she was, so for a while I thought he was not abusive too, but he was. They both were. I actually am glad I woke up in my 40's so that at least for half of my life I had a clue and no longer tried to hard to please them.</p><p></p><p>These people sound difficult to live with and it is not mean or out of line to put a disabled older person in a nursing home or assisted living, especially if you keep up contact and call a lot. It is not wrong for the other relatives to say "no" to dealing with a difficult man who does not do what is in his own best interests for his safety and who wants so much attention. At least...it is not wrong in my moral book. It is sensible.</p><p></p><p>Often abused kids AND even adults who are abused do not think so because they do not know any different. I did not even know there such thing as verbal abuse until I started therapy. Then it took me a while to accept that I had been verbally abused by both of my parents and by my husband too. Emotional blackmail ("I will never speak to you again if you donh't do this or if you do that!"), namecalling, unreasonable demands, threats of never speaking to you again, etc. are all forms of controlling abuse. Many people don't recognize it as such.</p><p></p><p>Therapy was a big wake up call for me. I had thought it was all my fault that my parents and my husband said these things to me or that my mom cut me off cold. I no longer think that way at all and my life is much more serene.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="BusynMember, post: 625805, member: 1550"] pas, I can relate. I used to think I wasn't abused because nobody ever hit me. I would say it was my fault that I got yelled at, degraded, demeaned, etc. because I had been such a bad kid. But I WAS a kid and needed help, which I never got. I did not need to be called "stupid" "selfish" "lazy" etc. Those words in my mother and father's voice walked with me at least until my 40's, which is just too old to be thinking about your childhood. But both mom and dad were still abusive. Mother was worse. She cut me off, and nobody knows why, when I was in my 40's and she would not talk about it or change and did not change until her death. Cutting soembody off cold without telling them why and giving them a say, if they are civilized to you, is a form of abuse. It surprised me when I read that. It is actually a horrible, horrible form of abuse. I was never told why it happened or what I did. My siblings didn't know. My father didn't know. He was a lot nicer to me than she was, so for a while I thought he was not abusive too, but he was. They both were. I actually am glad I woke up in my 40's so that at least for half of my life I had a clue and no longer tried to hard to please them. These people sound difficult to live with and it is not mean or out of line to put a disabled older person in a nursing home or assisted living, especially if you keep up contact and call a lot. It is not wrong for the other relatives to say "no" to dealing with a difficult man who does not do what is in his own best interests for his safety and who wants so much attention. At least...it is not wrong in my moral book. It is sensible. Often abused kids AND even adults who are abused do not think so because they do not know any different. I did not even know there such thing as verbal abuse until I started therapy. Then it took me a while to accept that I had been verbally abused by both of my parents and by my husband too. Emotional blackmail ("I will never speak to you again if you donh't do this or if you do that!"), namecalling, unreasonable demands, threats of never speaking to you again, etc. are all forms of controlling abuse. Many people don't recognize it as such. Therapy was a big wake up call for me. I had thought it was all my fault that my parents and my husband said these things to me or that my mom cut me off cold. I no longer think that way at all and my life is much more serene. [/QUOTE]
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