6 houses away...sad

Discussion in 'The Watercooler' started by upallnight, Jun 18, 2009.

  1. 1905

    1905 Well-Known Member

    difficult child's friend, and our neighbor (I don't know them, though),a kid accidently died from a drug overdose on Friday night. He was only 19. I want to do something, but I don't know what. Their front lawn has a makeshift memorial with flowers, baseball hats....all over. This is so sad. Should I bring over a plant? Some fruit? Send a card.....They don't know who we are, difficult child only knew the kid, he said the family doesn't know him.
  2. nvts

    nvts Active Member

    We had a situation 2 doors up from us in which the 19 year old son was pulled over fighting with his girlfriend on his cell phone. She was "enraged" and plowed into the side of his car and slammed it into a tree. He was killed instantly. Knowing that there were going to be a lot of kids coming and going, we sent a platter of sandwiches from the local deli.

    Food always helps in these situations because the parents are overwhelmed and the house becomes Grand Central Station.

    I'm sorry that the family is going through this.

  3. Star*

    Star* call 911........call 911

    Up all night -

    I am SO sorry for the loss of this young man. Everything seems so senseless to a parent when they loose a child. People do what they can or do nothing at all and until you're ready to deal with how others perceive a kind act it's hard to tell.

    WHen Steven died - we only had ONE person that said or did anything nice for us. I won't forget it. The only other people that recognized me as the "other Mom" were you here.

    I think for now - a card. Just a card at this time - is thoughtful. There are a lot of sincere things you can say on a sypmathy card. Things that don't sound obtuse.

    Later when the funeral is over and they have had a little time to grieve - plant a tree for the boy somewhere public. Take a picture of it and send a picture of the little tree with it's location and a card that says - THinking of you. I have tried to do that for all the people I know that have lost a child. It gives them/us something tangible to watch grow because their child won't.

    While I think plants are a nice gesture - they are just something else to take care of. I think flowers are a waste - and they die. (nice reminder). One thing I think is very lovely is to make an entire meal for the family - and put it in a box complete with dessert, drinks - and take it to them. SOmething like lasagna is good.

    Just some ideas -
  4. eekysign

    eekysign New Member

    I understand the awkward "what can we do" feeling. Our next door neighbors lost their son in a car accident a few weeks ago. We've never been very friendly with them, but Mom went to the visitation, and sent a card.

    Food is also a good choice, and it's always welcome, even from strangers (and sometimes especially from strangers). When my stepdad died, it was the most useful thing anyone did for us - not having to cook for a week or two was phenomenal. I don't think we'd have eaten, otherwise.
  5. susiestar

    susiestar Roll With It

    A card for now, and then in a week or 3 help with the yardwork, or take a meal to them.

    They are going to be overwhelmed for a long time. They will be flooded with offers of help now, and generally won't remember many of them from the sheer shock and pain of everything going on.

    In a couple of weeks the people who want to help will have moved on to other parts of their lives. THAT is the time to make a meal that can be heated and served and send it over. Or if you notice the yarn needs mowing then send husband over or go yourself and mow what you can.

    i am sorry for their loss.
  6. 1905

    1905 Well-Known Member

    I think the tree idea is beautiful , but I don't know how to plant a tree. I decided to order a tray of sandwiches from a local place. I'm just going to knock on their door and hand it to them. I feel so bad for the family. Thanks for the suggestions.- Alyssa