Hello everyone. I am new to this site, this is my first post. I have read a lot of similar stories on here about kids that sound like I could have wrote them myself about my son. Unfortunately I have only seen lots of new parent posts with the details of the problems but no follow ups with solutions. So this is going to be a long post but I want to give as much information as possible.
My son is 6 years old as of July 2016. He was full term and a big baby at 10.8 lbs. He is the third child and has 2 older sisters, currently 13yo and 17yo. I am married to his and the other kids father and we all live at home together. No drug or alcohol issues. No abuse or violence problems. We are you typical boring family. We are not poor but are not close to rich either. Dad works and I stay home currently. He hit all his milestones on time with no noticed issues through toddler hood. I did notice that he was very bright and wanted to learn everything. He knew his ABC's, numbers to 20, colors, shapes etc. all by 2 and was speaking in full 5 or more word sentences. Everything seemed fine and the only issue I noticed was he avoided eye contact somewhat. I mentioned it to the pediatrician but she wasn't worried at the time.
Fast forward to age 3-4 and he was in preschool/daycare. He was a difficult, stubborn and trying preschooler. I got the notes frequently that he had a "bad day", didn't want to follow directions, sit still, take a nap, temper tantrum etc. All expected behaviors for his age but more intense and frequent then his peers. and only happens at preschool. He attempted to run out of the classroom a few times but was meet with locked doors and quickly gave that idea up. Toward the end of the preschool year he was telling the teacher he was "blowing up the school, and killing everyone". that set off alarm bells and he was seen by a school psychiatrist. He said that he wasn't worried about his threats and attributed them to playing video games with mild cartoon violence (mine craft, spyro the dragon) taken to seriously by a small child. I was told not worry about him and he was just adjusting to being away from his normal familiar home setting with just me and him all the time.
summer of 2015 we relocated out of state to be closer to my brother and a much better job offer for my husband. Move went well, no noticed issues over the summer. No Behavior issues that seemed abnormal for a 5 year old.
August 2015 he was excited and eager to start school in a "real big" school. The first few months went by OK. on the color chart he was yellow or green most days and very few blue or purple days (best)He wasn't a model student by any means as far as behavior but he had a great teacher that was dealing with his not wanting to follow directions and mini meltdowns. Over Christmas break my father in law died. We went back to where we moved from for the funeral etc. ( he was cremated and there was no body there only an ern). I only mention this because it seems like the time that everything started heading south. He loved his grandfather and his time with him but he wasn't particularly close to his grandfather. he seen him a few times a week for less then 30 mins but he was a very ill man that had little interaction with the kids toward the end.
Back to school Jan 2016. First week back is when the phone calls started from the school. He was refusing to participate in class and disrupting the class. Then he was refusing to follow any directions from the teacher. I requested for him to talk to the counselor and a meeting with the teacher. Nothing came of the counselor meeting as she seen no issues with him at the time except his behavior in the classroom. The counsler and I decided that maybe the death affected him more then we knew and she would have talks with him etc. By the next week he was running out of the classroom and trying to escape the building to come home. The teacher and principal made a HUGE deal out of this which I think now made it worse. He was suspended for the first time for 3 days. (obviously that didn't help any). The next 8 weeks or so his behavior declined rapidly to climbing under desks and hiding. Running around the lunch room like a mad man, bolting away from the teacher. Trying to leave the gym to exit the building and toddler like temper tantrums for the smallest things. Again only happens at school. I had requested a IEP meeting, assessments but never put it in writing.
By this time I took him to the psychiatrist walkin clinic (not child specific and deals with A LOT of people with really bad issues). After 15 mins she said "ADHD and mood disorder" here is your adderall and ripserdal. that should "fix" him. bring him back in a month. The fact she said "fix" him immediately pissed me off. He was not some broken toy that need glued back together. He is a smart, funny, loving and caring little boy. That happened to also develop some behavior issues for unknown reasons. needless to say i never went back to that doctor. His pediatrician put him on tenex which kinda helped with the outbursts but didn't last all day and then snowed him later in the day if another dose was given. He also ran out of the gym doors again and made it to the parking lot next to school for the rec center. I had said if he wont stay in the gym stop sending him there but was told PE is mandatory so he has to go. I said fine send another teacher or assistant with him and got told its not in the budget. there where plenty of other incidents that at this time I cant even remember but always resulted in the "come pick him up and keep him home for a few days" call. At this time the school was doing nothing to help him and pretty much saying "you made him you deal with him".
The last straw in 4/2016 was when I got called to come get him from the office at 750am. Now he got dropped off at 740am so he'd been there an entire 10mins. I only live 2 blocks away so i was back up there in 2-3 mins. I get there to see my son beat red faced almost hyperventilating because he was restrained and forced to the office from the other side of the school by an assistant principal that's not even trained to use child restraints. All because he was being "mean" to the teacher, threatened to hit her (never did) and was throwing crayons. So throwing crayons put others in harms way so he had to restrained. but running across a parking lot of school grounds inst a reason to catch and restrain him? I withdrew him that day and home schooled him for the rest of the year. No medications, and no problems.
In June of 2016 I called the school board and told them they need to get an IEP going for him and a plan because he will be back for 1st grade in the fall. School board was great about it but the principal decided to wait until August. August came, I re-enrolled him and was told lets wait for the first week to see how he does. I insisted that was a bad idea but as usual was ignored. I took him back to the pediatrician and now started him on all day intuniv.
Day one and he made it 3 hours and was suspended. He was throwing a temper tantrum because he was called first and it escalated from there. I called the school board again and told the super what was going on. the Meeting was moved up until the next day and all the Special Education people where there with consent for assessment papers in hand. We went over strategies and interventions for the classroom but really had no idea what was going to work because again I don't have 15 6 year olds at home and he does not behave like this with me or anyone else outside of school. This meeting was almost 2 hrs long and he happily sat there in the school office with his tablet and talking to the front desk staff the entire time.
Week 2 he ran out of the building AGAIN from gym and they decided a para might just be a good idea until hes done with his testing. today is day 4 or week 2 and hes suspended again. This time he refused to follow directions and was sent to the counselors office for a "cool down". he didn't want to stay there and tried to run. the para blocked the door so he couldn't. he said he would kick her if she didn't move and she didn't so he actually kicked her. And she didn't move again so he kicked her again. then the principal came in and said he was calling me so he hid behind a chair. When I got there he was terrified looking hiding behind the chair. I told him come out and he did. calmed right down and stood there quietly while they explained to me what was going on. I went to leave with him and noticed they actually had campus security (which is never at this school) and a police officer there on the other side of the door. Seriously? hes 6 ! is he really going to over power and hurt 3 full grown adults? or they wanted someone to restrain him and a witness since the previous incident can still cost them a law suit.
At this point I have NO idea what he has! ADHD makes sense in the impulsiveness. but not the focus or hyper part. He can focus and can calm down if he wants to or has no choice but to. Asperger's would account for the limited eye contact and lack of social skills but he doesn't have most of the other characteristics of the disease. Bipolar don't fit because his mood is generally stable. He is happy at home and mad/frustrated at school. The only thing I'm left with is a possible social anxiety problem? And ODD. but I consider that a diagnosis of nothing but symptoms. Something has to be the cause of the ODD. and though he is very defiant at school he is not at home. he will test his limits at home but knows exactly what they are and gives up trying quickly. He is also not purposefully mean and spiteful.
I'm at a loss on what to do except keep him home with me homeschooling forever. I would like to go back to work and be around grownups again. Plus 2 paychecks instead of one is way better. But I cant go to work and be at the school everyday either. I'm a nurse and no matter where I work leaving without a replacement is NEVER an option. He is on a waiting list to be seen at a ADHD/Autism center for proper diagnosis and behavior counseling etc. but the waiting list is 6-9 months at this point.
I took him to his pediatrician this afternoon to tell him what going on and I'm beginning to think he doesn't believe me. He sees this happy behaved little boy in his office and I'm telling him about the monster that he was just acting like an hour ago. He took him off the intuniv and said he is going to try to get him in to a good behavior clinic or child psy asap.
