6 year old step-son *HELP*

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by Confused and Lost, Feb 8, 2012.

  1. Confused and Lost

    Confused and Lost New Member

    I have a 6 year old step-son who is showing some concerning behaviors, he was taken from his mom back last year do to a pot charge and giving to his father, about 6 months after me and his father got together and he is blaming his father because hes not with his mom, and hes blaming me because his dad isnt with his mom, even though his dad and mom havent been together since before he was born and his mom has since remarried. The behaviors he has been exhibiting are no emotions except anger, he gives this look that literlly when you hear about looks can kill his would, he doesnt listen does great in school but the second he is home, he shows no empathy, or concern for others gets enjoyment out of seeing others cry or hurt and enjoys hurting them, he hit my 2 year old son this past week and left hand marks(finger marks) and scraches and just smirked. he blams stuff on the younger kids, He doesnt follow directions or listen, no type of punishment fazes him be it taking away toys, breaking his toys, taking privilages away or other things away, time out in the corner, sending him to his room or popping him on the butt. He also lies about things and when asked doesnt talk just glares and balls up his fists, recently he has added lying to his list and makes up storys to try and get out of trouble, he also admitted to hating his biological half-sister, we want him to go back with his mom, we let him talk to every week, we take him to kansas and let him visit her, but we can't do anything about her getting him back its the courts decision next week were going for the court hearing but doubtful they will let him back until they know for sure that shes not going to repeat her offense, plus since hes been with us hes doing great in school. I just dont know how much i can handle, or what to do im at a lost im worried about the 3 two year olds and whether they will start picking up his behaviors, then we'd have 4 holy terrors on our hands, i worried he might have some type of mental disorder, sociopath, schiphrenic(wrong spelling), or no telling what else, i've told my fiance that we need to get him into counseling and he agrees but we cant afford it and the schools are cutting out funds for school councelors were at a complete stand still, and im edge afraid that if he stays with us and as he gets older he will become one of those kids that kills everyone in the house. PLEASE HELP:'(
  2. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    Hi there and welcome to the board, although I'm sorry you had to come.

    Can you please tell us more about stepson's early years? What was his biol. mother like? DId she maybe use drugs or alcohol while pregnant? Did stepston get tossed around from person to person? That can cause attachment problems, which are serious. How was his early development? Did his father see him consistently? Is there a chance he was sexually or physically abused? The more you tell us, the better we can try to help you. You say you have three two year olds. Who are they? Do you have triplets? How long have you been living with your fiance?

    You may have to decide between the safety of the two year olds or your fiance.
  3. Wiped Out

    Wiped Out Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Welcome, sorry you needed to find us.

    I do think it is important that he sees a therapist, a child psychiatrist and a neuro-psychiatric as well. Of course, that is easier said than done when money is an issue. Is he eligible for any type of assistance that might help pay for the services? School counselors aren't really equipped to deal with the type of help it sounds like he needs.

    Right now I would be sure to always know where he is in relationship to your other children. It doesn't sound like he should ever be alone with them right now. Sending gentle hugs your way.
  4. Confused and Lost

    Confused and Lost New Member

    He was a normal baby, his mother never used drugs or alcohol, his biological mother is very nice and since when he lives with her he is an only child she gives him alot of individual attention, my fiance visited him alot from birth all the way up until he got custody of him last year, he tried to be there for him as much as possible. the only people to every have the 6 year old his his mother and my fiance, his early development seemed okay and hes reached all the milestones when he should have, hes really really smart and is making a's and b;s in school, as far as i or his father knows he wasnt sexually or physically abused. yes three 2 year olds 2 are mine (twins) and then the other 2 year old is my fiances daughter from a previous relationship, the 6 year olds half-sister. We are not techniqually living fully together yet we still have our own seperate homes, but we do spend every weekend together in the same house as a family.

  5. Confused and Lost

    Confused and Lost New Member

    as far as i know he is not eligiable for any type of assitance because my fiance makes too much money, but he has insurance through his work but it doesnt pay anything. no i dont leave him alone with the younger children, because he will intenionally hurt them, thank you for the support.
  6. Confused and Lost

    Confused and Lost New Member

    as far as i know he is not eligiable for any type of assitance because my fiance makes too much money, but he has insurance through his work but it doesnt pay anything. no i dont leave him alone with the younger children, because he will intenionally hurt them, thank you for the support.

  7. Ktllc

    Ktllc New Member

    Hi and welcome. I do believe counseling is needed and a psychological evaluation in order to know the root of the problem.
    Those are expensive if you want a thorough one (between 2000 or 3000). You might want to really check on the insurance and record your conversation with them: deductible, copay, referral requirement for this kind of evaluation, counseling referral, number of visit/year... Than inquire about sliding scale for counseling (in my area a lot of doctor do it), ask about payment plan s for the evaluation.
    If you find a good, reputable doctor to evaluate your step son (neuro-psychiatric or phd level psychologist), you could also ask if they take credit cards (care credit let you pay interest free for up to 1 year, we have used it a couple times. It is a credit card for medical expenses).
    The reasons I give you only money advise: I don't have experience with your specific issues and you can't do nothing if you have no fundings
  8. Confused and Lost

    Confused and Lost New Member

    Woe, between 2000-3000 we defiently cant afford that he has a job but im still currently on state aid and live on a fixed income, i know this child needs help but its hard when we would have to put a house, and the other kids on hold to provide help for just him, then as the younger kids get younger they will resent us and him for ruining their childhood because of money issues.

  9. Ktllc

    Ktllc New Member

    Just another note: just because your step-son has health insurance through his Dad's work, he might still qualify for State's health insurance. In my state, the income limit for a family of 5 is about $5000/month. It varies by state, but usually it is equal to 200% of your state's poverty line.
  10. Confused and Lost

    Confused and Lost New Member

    i already know he makes too much we've tried to get on other programs, like me adding him to my HUD, and we make too much same will be in a few months time when we fully move in together it will kick me off my state aid, foodstamps etc....

  11. buddy

    buddy New Member

    C&L, HI there! Glad you found the board. I hear you about not meeting cut offs financially. I dont for anything except my son does qualify on his own due to his medical needs. If his dad can pay out of pocket to get a neuropsychologist evaluation or good psychiatric evaluation and diagnosis, then he may qualify under a disability category... can be whole different formulas.

    Anyway, lets assume there is not any help financially... Then it is one of those things, in my humble opinion that somehow, some way you will want to make happen even if it is a payment plan. A credit card, etc.

    Some books that may help may include The Explosive Child by Ross Greene and Understanding Your Explosive Child by Doug Riley.

    These really do offer a different perspective (though nothing is the total answer but can be a huge help and I for one can tell you that it made a huge difference and I too have a very aggressive and explosive child, even if for different reasons...the books are not targeted to diagnosis, but to how to figure out what is driving the behaviors for each separate child. Not filled with sticker charts and time outs.

    You son has had some back and forth moves which,even with loving parents... can result in trauma. He may be feeling very insecure and it is scary to want to trust and love again when you are afraid that those you bond with may be out of our life again. Kids push away those that want to help and love them in those situations (at times). The fact that he had good early bonding says a lot for his prognosis if that is true and if this is an issue for him.

    I hope you can find an expert in childhood attachment and anger...the wrong professionals can do more harm because they only see the sweet side that kids with these issues have learned to show people (for survival, gets them what they want) and they dont realize that the parents are really doing the best they can...

    I wish you luck in blending your families. I hope he can find some peace and help with your support. Will be looking forward to hear what the court says about custody (never heard of a kid being taken away for pot before... not that it is a bad thing but seems like some kids have way worse issues at home and are not taken away... maybe there is more to it but no need to tell us, just was surprised to read that)
  12. Confused and Lost

    Confused and Lost New Member

    as far as i know thats all there was too it the mom had remarried and they got into smoking and growing pot, and the next thing my fiance knew they called him and told him you have to come get your son right away, i know alot of kids are in alot worse situations than that and i've met his bio-mom and shes a sweetheart and truly loves her son just made some mistakes in her life, like we all do. i know difficult child knows how to put on his sweet act to get what he wants but i can see through it now, last week before he got into the slapping fight with my easy child Son he was going around trying to give me hugs and saying i love you then friday he reverted back to his previous behavior and saturday it esculated. Our court date is on the 15th im hopeing they grant her custody back of him, which he would return to her after the school year ends. thank you for your support.