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Parent Emeritus
7 Stages of Grieving
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<blockquote data-quote="recoveringenabler" data-source="post: 647626" data-attributes="member: 13542"><p>Carri, it is difficult. It is devastating. And, it does get old. It does seem to last and recycle our fears over and over again. BUT, I am a believer that with support and with a strong commitment to change, you can begin to let go and seriously find joy and begin to live a happy life. Even with our kids still out there in whatever place they find themselves. There is a quote by the Dalai Lama which I keep by my desk, it is something that is basically foreign to us when it comes to our children, but I do believe it is true and that we can find our way to it. The quote is......"Do not let the behavior of others destroy your inner peace." </p><p></p><p>Do I think that is hard. Yes I do. I think it is very hard to do, BUT it is not impossible. It takes work. It takes changing our perceptions, our thoughts, our responses. It takes us giving up the belief or the guilt that as long as our kids are suffering, or out there, or in jail, or mentally ill, or addicted, or whatever, we cannot be happy, or content. That is a mindset. It is not true. We can be okay and even happy even when our kids are not. We can emerge from the pit of suffering.........but it is going to take work on our part. It took a village for me to make that shift. I got help wherever I could find it. I needed someone to continue to remind me that I did not have to keep suffering in this quagmire my daughter had chosen to live in. " I can really do that? I can really be okay even if she is not?" And, with a lot of support, I began to believe it and then everything changed. There is an end to grief. It does not last forever. </p><p></p><p>As the quote goes, Pain is inevitable, suffering is optional. This is painful, but it is not a life sentence. You can move beyond it and let go. I did it. And, I am no different than you. My whole life changed. Once I let go and accepted what is, it ALL changed. </p><p></p><p>Hang in there. It WILL get better.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="recoveringenabler, post: 647626, member: 13542"] Carri, it is difficult. It is devastating. And, it does get old. It does seem to last and recycle our fears over and over again. BUT, I am a believer that with support and with a strong commitment to change, you can begin to let go and seriously find joy and begin to live a happy life. Even with our kids still out there in whatever place they find themselves. There is a quote by the Dalai Lama which I keep by my desk, it is something that is basically foreign to us when it comes to our children, but I do believe it is true and that we can find our way to it. The quote is......"Do not let the behavior of others destroy your inner peace." Do I think that is hard. Yes I do. I think it is very hard to do, BUT it is not impossible. It takes work. It takes changing our perceptions, our thoughts, our responses. It takes us giving up the belief or the guilt that as long as our kids are suffering, or out there, or in jail, or mentally ill, or addicted, or whatever, we cannot be happy, or content. That is a mindset. It is not true. We can be okay and even happy even when our kids are not. We can emerge from the pit of suffering.........but it is going to take work on our part. It took a village for me to make that shift. I got help wherever I could find it. I needed someone to continue to remind me that I did not have to keep suffering in this quagmire my daughter had chosen to live in. " I can really do that? I can really be okay even if she is not?" And, with a lot of support, I began to believe it and then everything changed. There is an end to grief. It does not last forever. As the quote goes, Pain is inevitable, suffering is optional. This is painful, but it is not a life sentence. You can move beyond it and let go. I did it. And, I am no different than you. My whole life changed. Once I let go and accepted what is, it ALL changed. Hang in there. It WILL get better. [/QUOTE]
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