gottaloveem
Active Member
You could offer him a chance to go to inpatient rehab. Or you will call the police to report to them that he stole the GPS and diamond earrings.
8 Days to go!
- Thread starter IKeepPraying
- Start date
So Tired
Member
I Keep Praying,
I'm so sorry for your pain. Mine turned 18 in Nov. Got the "shape up or ship out" speech a few weeks ago after we found he had been drinking in our home in the middle of the night (again!)
He left Saturday night to spend the night with some of his so-called friends at flop house they all got together to rent. I have not spoken to him since. Total radio silence.He took nothing but his beloved X-box and the clothes he was wearing.
It is hard, Praying, to turn off all those years of "mommying". It is hard not to know if he is O.K. Has he eaten? Is he sick? In jail? Just on a bender? BUT I must say the last 3 nights have been blissfully peaceful. No wondering when and IF he's coming home. No big fights about house rules and his lack of respect. My husband, easy child and I just go about our lives. We eat a peaceful dinner, play board games together, put her to bed, and then lock the deadbolts and go to bed. NO DRAMA, NO FIGHTS, NO HAVING TO LOCK UP ALL OUR STUFF! I love having a normal life!
The battle you are waging with difficult child s*cks the energy out of you and the whole household. I wish you strength, Praying, and send you caring thoughts.
I'm so sorry for your pain. Mine turned 18 in Nov. Got the "shape up or ship out" speech a few weeks ago after we found he had been drinking in our home in the middle of the night (again!)
He left Saturday night to spend the night with some of his so-called friends at flop house they all got together to rent. I have not spoken to him since. Total radio silence.He took nothing but his beloved X-box and the clothes he was wearing.
It is hard, Praying, to turn off all those years of "mommying". It is hard not to know if he is O.K. Has he eaten? Is he sick? In jail? Just on a bender? BUT I must say the last 3 nights have been blissfully peaceful. No wondering when and IF he's coming home. No big fights about house rules and his lack of respect. My husband, easy child and I just go about our lives. We eat a peaceful dinner, play board games together, put her to bed, and then lock the deadbolts and go to bed. NO DRAMA, NO FIGHTS, NO HAVING TO LOCK UP ALL OUR STUFF! I love having a normal life!
The battle you are waging with difficult child s*cks the energy out of you and the whole household. I wish you strength, Praying, and send you caring thoughts.
IKeepPraying
New Member
15 hours to go!
IKeepPraying
New Member
This is what I am feeling right now....The connection I made with an episode of Ghost Whisperer this past Friday night made so much sense to me. Hopefully it does to you too.
I try to never miss an episode of this show, it is probably my favorite on TV right now. It was a repeat...One of maybe two I missed.
It was about a mother that had died. The way she died was she, her husband and her daughter went hiking. She slipped and fell down a hill, her husband raced down to save her. She was hanging over a cliff, her husband had a firm grip on her hands, trying with all his strength to save her. While the daughter was still at the top of the hill looking down crying for her parents. The dad was yelling back up to her to stay up there. Instead she attempted to come down, she began to fall. The father had to make the choice to let go and save his daughter. Or try to save both, which would have been impossible really. He let go. Saved his daughter and the mom fell. When they looked back she was dead. They dealt with the pain, sadness, guilt and anger.
I right away connected it to my situation. My son is the one hanging on the cliff, I am holding onto him with all my strength. The rest of my family is on top of the hill, suffering from what they are seeing. I have the same feeling of needing to let go to save the rest of my family from this pain, but I am afraid when I look back, he will be dead.
How do you let go? My biggest fear has been that when I make him leave, that it will be the last time I see him and the next call I get will be someone telling me he is dead. It would be my fault because I made him leave which to me feels like I am sending him to a death sentence.
Also, the story behind the song I posted is a little strange. My youngest daughter (who I feel has always been very intuitive) started singing this song, knows nothing about it or the band, just a song she found on the Wii game American Idol..lol... for some reason that one just stuck with her and is the only song she sings. I caught some of the words, looked it up and saw what a exact fit it was. The band Fray wrote it about a teenager who was struggling just like mine is (all of ours) It was just a little strange thats all. Just thought I'd share.... Thanks again for listening. Everyone here is just so great!
I try to never miss an episode of this show, it is probably my favorite on TV right now. It was a repeat...One of maybe two I missed.
It was about a mother that had died. The way she died was she, her husband and her daughter went hiking. She slipped and fell down a hill, her husband raced down to save her. She was hanging over a cliff, her husband had a firm grip on her hands, trying with all his strength to save her. While the daughter was still at the top of the hill looking down crying for her parents. The dad was yelling back up to her to stay up there. Instead she attempted to come down, she began to fall. The father had to make the choice to let go and save his daughter. Or try to save both, which would have been impossible really. He let go. Saved his daughter and the mom fell. When they looked back she was dead. They dealt with the pain, sadness, guilt and anger.
I right away connected it to my situation. My son is the one hanging on the cliff, I am holding onto him with all my strength. The rest of my family is on top of the hill, suffering from what they are seeing. I have the same feeling of needing to let go to save the rest of my family from this pain, but I am afraid when I look back, he will be dead.
How do you let go? My biggest fear has been that when I make him leave, that it will be the last time I see him and the next call I get will be someone telling me he is dead. It would be my fault because I made him leave which to me feels like I am sending him to a death sentence.
Also, the story behind the song I posted is a little strange. My youngest daughter (who I feel has always been very intuitive) started singing this song, knows nothing about it or the band, just a song she found on the Wii game American Idol..lol... for some reason that one just stuck with her and is the only song she sings. I caught some of the words, looked it up and saw what a exact fit it was. The band Fray wrote it about a teenager who was struggling just like mine is (all of ours) It was just a little strange thats all. Just thought I'd share.... Thanks again for listening. Everyone here is just so great!
GoingNorth
Crazy Cat Lady
I checked at our local pawn shop and a used GPS goes for around 200 dollars. That means they paid 50-75 dollars for it.
How pawn shops work does depend on not just state law, but county/parish law as well. I also agree that the thieving is for drug money, and not for food/shelter.
I was (and still am) a difficult child, but never had a drug habit. Stealing from my parents never occurred to me.
I am dirt poor and in my late fourties. I STILL feel weird when my mother GIVES me something, like buying me a pair of shoes for my b-day last year.
How pawn shops work does depend on not just state law, but county/parish law as well. I also agree that the thieving is for drug money, and not for food/shelter.
I was (and still am) a difficult child, but never had a drug habit. Stealing from my parents never occurred to me.
I am dirt poor and in my late fourties. I STILL feel weird when my mother GIVES me something, like buying me a pair of shoes for my b-day last year.
IKeepPraying
New Member
Update- He returned it..I had him cornered pretty much this morning because I confronted him on searching it online. He got it back from some friend. Said they used it when they went dirt bike riding. But not one speck of dirt on it or any bike trails entered.I'm not a dummy I know its a lie, why would he deny taking it in the first place... He got birthday money today from his grandmother, probably just gave the friend money instead...I guess he felt bad that he took it. I am in shock! But he didnt admit to the earrings, my guess is they are long gone and knows he couldnt get it back if he tried.
Press charges on the earrings. It is really important. Right now you need the law to help you force him into getting help (if help will be accepted by him). You also need to start a paper trail so that he can be experienceing the natural consequences of his actions.
He has to hit bottom before he can come back up. My bro (a recovering alcoholic) told me he had years where the drinking was more controlled. He thought thismeant he didn't have a problem. It was not until he had broken the law and been caught that he started to hit bottom. NO ONE could have gotten him to accept help before that.
Remember you have other family members. They need to take as high or higher priority if he won't follow the family rules. Esp if he is hurting htem.
Hugs,
Susie
He has to hit bottom before he can come back up. My bro (a recovering alcoholic) told me he had years where the drinking was more controlled. He thought thismeant he didn't have a problem. It was not until he had broken the law and been caught that he started to hit bottom. NO ONE could have gotten him to accept help before that.
Remember you have other family members. They need to take as high or higher priority if he won't follow the family rules. Esp if he is hurting htem.
Hugs,
Susie
IKeepPraying
New Member
Today is the day!...... He left this morning. His friend is taking him to the DMV so he can take his driving test. I really didn't say anything to him...I didn't even say happy birthday..Is that mean? To me, its not a happy birthday. Do I say Happy birthday, now get out? It just didnt sound right to me, so I just decided not to say anything. My husband and I have been sitting here saying "how do we do this". What are we going to do? If we approach it wrong, he will play victim, which he loves to do and use us as an excuse to continue his lifestyle. I mean, he is still my son and I want to see him change. I am thinking I am going to do this.
pack his bag and put it by the door.
Make a list off all the things he needs to do
Job, school, recovery program, stay off of myspace (he communicates with some shady people on there) weekly drug test, no daily outings with friends anymore, if anything goes missing in my house, he is gone and wont return until found. There will be no exceptions. effective NOW. He than we will make his choice, follow the program or take his bag and walk out the door. That way, he cant say we kicked him out...it was his choice.
I was thinking about the suggestion about pressing charges for the earrings. But I'm not...I want to give him the chance to change and he cant get hired at a good company with a criminal record and we will be in this mess forever. So I guess that will be my last sacrifice..my diamond earrings
pack his bag and put it by the door.
Make a list off all the things he needs to do
Job, school, recovery program, stay off of myspace (he communicates with some shady people on there) weekly drug test, no daily outings with friends anymore, if anything goes missing in my house, he is gone and wont return until found. There will be no exceptions. effective NOW. He than we will make his choice, follow the program or take his bag and walk out the door. That way, he cant say we kicked him out...it was his choice.
I was thinking about the suggestion about pressing charges for the earrings. But I'm not...I want to give him the chance to change and he cant get hired at a good company with a criminal record and we will be in this mess forever. So I guess that will be my last sacrifice..my diamond earrings
Ephchap
Active Member
IKP,
Yes, your earrings are long gone by now if he used them to pay for drugs. been there done that. It's one of those awful things we went through when my difficult child was drugging, and I can't bring the memories to the surface, as they are so very painful.
Hugs to your hurting mommy heart. I'm sure today has been very emotional.
Deb
Yes, your earrings are long gone by now if he used them to pay for drugs. been there done that. It's one of those awful things we went through when my difficult child was drugging, and I can't bring the memories to the surface, as they are so very painful.
Hugs to your hurting mommy heart. I'm sure today has been very emotional.
Deb
IKeepPraying
New Member
UPDATE- I did exactly as I said, I packed his bags, put them by the front door. Handed him a list of everything with deadlines. He REFUSED to go to rehad and got angry and he left but he said he would come back for his bags. Haven't heard from him since. We will see if he ends up agreeing or not...It was the hardest thing I had to do but it needed to be done. He needs to change his lifestyle and cant return until he does. He has turn our home upside down and I have 2 little girls that I need to focus on. I just fear that I am going to get a call that he is dead...all I can do I guess is keep praying..
gottaloveem
Active Member
How are you holding up I Keep Praying?
IKeepPraying
New Member
Well, not too good. I spent most of the morning crying. I had the house to myself so that is the best time for me to get it out without upsetting everyone else. Still havent heard from him, dont know where he stayed last night. Still didnt come back for his stuff. I feel like I sent him to a death sentence
meowbunny
New Member
I know this is hard but don't make it harder on yourself. You did NOT give your son a death sentence. You are giving him a chance to save his life. Drugs can kill him at home as easily as out of it. When he is ready to try rehab, you'll be there for him.
You have a right to grieve. You've lost the little boy who brought you flowers, who smiled when you gave him a cookie, who cried for mommy in the night. Drugs steal many things, especially the soul of the person.
For many people, the only way to get help is to hit rock bottom. If typical, your son's friends will get tired of him leeching off of them and kick him out. Sooner or later, he'll run out of friends. Until that happens, he won't quite be at the bottom. When it does happen, that's when he'll either realize how much you love him and want to help and accept that help or, sadly, decide he likes living in the gutter. If the chooses the gutter, there is nothing you can do but hope that one day he will want more. I think for most of our kids, they will ultimately ask for help and accept it. Part of it is truly the know everything of being a teen.
For now, many hugs, a shoulder to lean on, arms to hold you as you cry. We're here and we'll help as much as we can.
(((((hugs)))))
You have a right to grieve. You've lost the little boy who brought you flowers, who smiled when you gave him a cookie, who cried for mommy in the night. Drugs steal many things, especially the soul of the person.
For many people, the only way to get help is to hit rock bottom. If typical, your son's friends will get tired of him leeching off of them and kick him out. Sooner or later, he'll run out of friends. Until that happens, he won't quite be at the bottom. When it does happen, that's when he'll either realize how much you love him and want to help and accept that help or, sadly, decide he likes living in the gutter. If the chooses the gutter, there is nothing you can do but hope that one day he will want more. I think for most of our kids, they will ultimately ask for help and accept it. Part of it is truly the know everything of being a teen.
For now, many hugs, a shoulder to lean on, arms to hold you as you cry. We're here and we'll help as much as we can.
(((((hugs)))))
IKeepPraying
New Member
thank you for responding, I come to this site so often now. I look forward to the words of encouragement that you all bring. It really helps to know that you are not alone.
I found out that he stayed at my cousin's last night.
I have a question- What are the signs of meth use? I know he drinks, using pot and uses over the counter medications, but I have been thinking of things and wondering if he is messing with this as well.
A few months ago he broke out really bad, his face, down his back and chest. He asked for proactiv, but I told him, that is NOT just acne, your body is reacting to something, he just rolled his eyes at me and it eventually went away a few weeks later. Also, I read that theft in the home is usually done by meth users. I have always said something doesn't look right with his eyes, not that they are red or glossy, but something I just knew wasn't normal, I read that the eyes become dilated.Maybe thats what I was seeing. Also when I called the police on him last month for finding pot on him, the police officer had examined him you know how they normally do and then asked him when was the last time he used meth. He said he doesn't and then asked me, can you believe he asked me that...Now that I am thinking about it and reading more about it. Did the police officer see something we dont? and he always complains about feeling nauseous and like throwing up after he eats, is that a sign?
I found out that he stayed at my cousin's last night.
I have a question- What are the signs of meth use? I know he drinks, using pot and uses over the counter medications, but I have been thinking of things and wondering if he is messing with this as well.
A few months ago he broke out really bad, his face, down his back and chest. He asked for proactiv, but I told him, that is NOT just acne, your body is reacting to something, he just rolled his eyes at me and it eventually went away a few weeks later. Also, I read that theft in the home is usually done by meth users. I have always said something doesn't look right with his eyes, not that they are red or glossy, but something I just knew wasn't normal, I read that the eyes become dilated.Maybe thats what I was seeing. Also when I called the police on him last month for finding pot on him, the police officer had examined him you know how they normally do and then asked him when was the last time he used meth. He said he doesn't and then asked me, can you believe he asked me that...Now that I am thinking about it and reading more about it. Did the police officer see something we dont? and he always complains about feeling nauseous and like throwing up after he eats, is that a sign?
IKeepPraying
New Member
Oh yes, she knows everything. She said she feels bad for him so she is going to let him stay there for a little while I guess. Of Course, he told her that I KICKED him out and that he was never given any options to stay. I told her exactly what I offered him. He LOVES to play victim and make people feel sorry for him. I think everyone has fallen for it until he screwed them over. Both his grandmothers, his bioDad, his aunt, his grandfather...and of course us. hopefeully, knowing he doesn't have any where to go he won't screw my cousin over too. He came and got his stuff, didn't say anything. I put a letter and the list in his bag
Big Bad Kitty
lolcat
Hi IKP,
Let me just tell you (from your son's viewpoint) that addicts are professional victims. I was addicted to drugs for a long time, and let me tell you, if I put half the effort in getting a job as I put into trying to manipulate people into feeling sorry for me, I might have been a productive member of society. It is all part of the addiction. His addiction is a disease, and when he hits bottom, he will seek help.
I encourage you to go to Al-Anon. It deals with detaching from the addict (who will try to lay the guilt trip and fanagle his way back into the home time and time again) and YOU need to take care of YOU.
Gentle hugs. I know that this is not easy.
Let me just tell you (from your son's viewpoint) that addicts are professional victims. I was addicted to drugs for a long time, and let me tell you, if I put half the effort in getting a job as I put into trying to manipulate people into feeling sorry for me, I might have been a productive member of society. It is all part of the addiction. His addiction is a disease, and when he hits bottom, he will seek help.
I encourage you to go to Al-Anon. It deals with detaching from the addict (who will try to lay the guilt trip and fanagle his way back into the home time and time again) and YOU need to take care of YOU.
Gentle hugs. I know that this is not easy.
IKeepPraying
New Member
Thank you. I have been reading that the theft and his behavior patterns are more than pot and alcohol. Could addition to these 2 (oh yeah, he does alot of over the counter stuff too) cause this type of crazy behavior or could he be doing something more (not thats not enough)
Big Bad Kitty
lolcat
Anything is possible. Pot is the gateway drug. You start there and then other drugs look enticing. Back in my day, there was no "X"; and meth was not as widespread. I can't say for sure, but it is likely that he is doing more than just pot.
In any event...whether it is the most hardcore drug there is, or just alcohol...he has a problem. And you need to get yourself help for that. Please do so.
In any event...whether it is the most hardcore drug there is, or just alcohol...he has a problem. And you need to get yourself help for that. Please do so.
