A bad night!

bethg5210

New Member
So, to keep my son from sneaking out/sneaking people in, I got a deadbolt that has a key hole on both sides. You have to have a key to get in or out. So, he just started going out the window. I bought keyed window locks. Tonight after I went to bed, I got woke up to the sound of a car peeling out. I get up and my son is not here and the lock is broken and the window is open. I went to his room and got his iPad and between the conversations with his friends and watching YouTube videos he figured out how to break the lock. His curfew due to his probation is 8:30 and he left around midnight. So, I called the police. They didn't even come to my house!! They told me to take a picture of the lock and they would type a report and send it to the prosecutor and I can come by in the morning and sign the runaway form. Am I missing something?!?! Also, apparently at 15 they are not considered a runaway until they don't come home for two nights. Am I just overreacting? Is this truly just normal teenage behavior and I should just deal with it?
 

ksm

Well-Known Member
Ugghh. I feel your pain. Being a parent of a rebellious teen is a two edge sword. We turned our DGD in every time she snuck out. I reached out to the authorities for help. But, we were also told she was a "child in need of care" which put the legal liability on us for not keeping her safe.

Has he been drug tested? I would assume he is at least smoking weed and drinking.

Ksm
 

RN0441

100% better than I was but not at 100% yet
Of couse it's not normal! You know that it is not normal.

When you go in to sign the paperwork I'd give htem a piece of my mind!

I'm so sorry your son is so disrespectful of your home and you. Been there too....
 

bethg5210

New Member
Ugghh. I feel your pain. Being a parent of a rebellious teen is a two edge sword. We turned our DGD in every time she snuck out. I reached out to the authorities for help. But, we were also told she was a "child in need of care" which put the legal liability on us for not keeping her safe.

Has he been drug tested? I would assume he is at least smoking weed and drinking.

Ksm
He has failed 3 drug tests and is being given another one as we speak. But his probation officer has told me that unless he physically hurts someone or himself there's not anything that they can do.
 

JayPee

Sending good vibes...
Beth,
My heart breaks for you. As mentioned many of us here on this site have gone through years of this kind of behavior and sorry to say but it's taken over 10+ yrs. from that age to have a glimmer of hope of change with my two sons and we are not "there" yet.

I guess aside from my prayers for you I will have to say possibly the only thing that will stop him is getting in more and more trouble with the law. He has no boundaries or respect for you and this will expand outward as he continues to rebel. That's likely the only thing that will cause him to pause from time to time and with each instance maybe change a little. It's a long road ahead.

My sons are now 28 and 32 and there's still homelessness and inability to take care of themselves and still use of pot because that's just the way it is. The dynamics of our living together have changed so we do not all live together anymore but I remember the days, of police at my door, calling me during the middle of the night because one of them just got picked up, holes in my doors, holes in my walls, stealing of our vehicles...the list goes on.

During these very difficult times find your support system and lean on God. It's what will get you through to the other side...there is hope. There is always hope but it's a long journey.

Sending prayers and hugs.
 

Copabanana

Well-Known Member
Dear Beth

The first consideration is your safety and well-being. The worst case is if your son or his friends act out against you or your property. You can't control a rampaging tiger. He is beyond the ability to control. This is a drug-fueled spree. The only way it stops if he is caught by the police or he runs out of drugs, support and options.

That said, if it is safe to do so I would confiscate any electronic means of communication devices left in the home. Like the Ipad. If you bought the phone and pay for the service, they are yours. If you believe your son won't hurt you I would consider taking those, if he returns

It seems you are a mother alone, like me. It is very hard to be in this spot. Your son is 15. When he turns 16 he can go to Job Corps. If you live in the United States he can be yanked from his public school and sent to the school for the kids with serious behavioral problems, which I suggest. There will be stricter supervision, he will be away from his homey's and there are not the perks. He needs everything to be tighter. I would suggest telling him that if this continues, you will be seeking out of home placements for him, including drug treatment.

Job Corp programs are free. There is drug treatment. It is room and board. They finish high school and get good training. If it were me, I would sit him down and state the obvious. He is out of control and you will seek alternatives. The situation as it is won't continue..

Pretty soon he will be in trouble with the law. This is not the worst thing. This way he will be curbed and contained. Until he commits a crime I don't think the police will take it seriously.

Again let me stress that your safety is first and foremost. I don't know if he's violent or abusive. But if it is safe, I would restrict his access to the house, alone. I would be careful about locking him in at night because this could be a safety hazard. I would recognize that you can't control or contain him. I would not go to war on this. You can't protect him. He will run into a brick wall, sooner or later.But you don't have to make it comfortable. You don't have to give him all of the luxuries while he is running wild.

Many times I went to the police and I discussed this with them. There are juvenile officers. I wouldn't hesitate to call them and make sure your son is on the radar. Even though they may not act as you believe they should, when they should, that they know what is going on, blow by blow and that you ask their advice, to me, makes sense.

The police ALWAYS supported my son and took a position against me. (As I thought. ) But I called every.single.time. Right is right.

I am so sorry this is happening. Please keep posting. It helps.
 

BusynMember1

Well-Known Member
Kay snuck out and the cops kept bringing her back in the middle of the night. We put bars on her window. It kept her in but she kept us up all night ranting.

I hope you find a solution. Is there another place he can live? We did boarding school for teens with behavior problems. It didn't help her but it helps some kids. Then when Kay started acting out as an adult we bought her a house. We could not live with her. Of course she did not keep the house and we had to sell it or lose it, but she never lived with us again.

The cops put Kay on probation for drugs but she wasn't afraid of cops. Or anyone. But our cops tried to help. You could test it out.

Sending prayers and love and hoping you find peace in your own way. Do it. You are worth it.
 

Deni D

Life isn't about waiting for the storm to pass.
Staff member
He has failed 3 drug tests and is being given another one as we speak. But his probation officer has told me that unless he physically hurts someone or himself there's not anything that they can do.
Just insane. People who haven't dealt with this kind of stuff don't believe it actually happens. I guess failing a drug test is not considered violating probation? Geez.
 

Helpless29

Well-Known Member
Wow this hits so close to home , I came on this site when my son was out of control at 15 teen & am still here , I feel your pain & frustration. My sons behavior lead him being in & out of Juvenile Detention, many rehabs , behavioral centers & being homeless at 18 teen at one point. This is not normal behavior & I feel your your frustration with law , many times my son left home , I gotten no help from the police . I wish I could give you some good advice but at 15 teen it is so hard because we’re legally responsible. I hope there’s a turnaround for you, I will pray for you & please keep posting , I know it helped me through all my hard times ,
 
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