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A big step for difficult child and me
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<blockquote data-quote="Childofmine" data-source="post: 625788" data-attributes="member: 17542"><p>No more paid phone calls from jail. Evidently in our system they get one or two "free" calls through the recorded system out of ----yes, Shreveport, LA---poor Shreveport, they don't even know how their proud name is being defiled....</p><p></p><p>Who wants to PAY to hear their BS? Not. </p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>I love this image. I was also thinking about we moms, how we consciously or subconsciously feel the threads binding us to our children. Or even we feel like we are connected at the physical level (i.e., bleeding). </p><p></p><p>But we're not. This ties back to Cedar's superimposition of the precious toddler face on the pictures of her difficult child, and all of us, how we thought this for so long. </p><p></p><p>That is not what <em>is</em>. That is what <em>was</em>. It is not reality. </p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>Yes! It's the simple pleasures that we love so much. I so wish our difficult children found solace and joy in those kinds of pleasures. Maybe they are just not wired that way. Evidently they are not. We all say so much of the same things about our difficult children. There is a definite pattern here. </p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>You took care of yourself. Yourself in the midst of the ups and downs. That is what I am watching and seeing and learning from. You were fully present, yet not enmeshed in the drama---further, you stood in your own center of peace and calm while you watched and were present. Wow. </p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>Pas, interesting that your son actually said this. What insight into himself. I wonder what my son would say. I think that is exactly how he seems to be, like your son is. SO says addicts do so much better when the box is small. They try to keep the box small so they can control events. When the box gets bigger, whoops, all control is lost. difficult child can't seem to successfully navigate job, place to live, arrangements, food, relationships----all of the responsibilities and rights of adulthood. When the box starts getting larger, and it's up to him to make more decisions and shoulder more of the responsibilities, he breaks the law and/or he's on the street again. It's getting very simple. Predictable. Still very sad. Still reality. </p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>Yep. just like Pas said. Just like RE's difficult child. So.....if this is the case....then what? Doing what they keep on doing without some sort of break from it---rehab, jail, recovery program, therapy, medication---whatever the intervention method is----is not going to be sustainable.</p><p></p><p>In my quest to somehow have a way to navigate this (I know, what about just being open to accepting what is happening today? Like Chodron says...), this is the pattern and it is predictable. </p><p></p><p>This is helping me work on my acceptance. Thanks to all for your comments and thoughts. Thanks especially to you RE. Please keep on telling this story.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Childofmine, post: 625788, member: 17542"] No more paid phone calls from jail. Evidently in our system they get one or two "free" calls through the recorded system out of ----yes, Shreveport, LA---poor Shreveport, they don't even know how their proud name is being defiled.... Who wants to PAY to hear their BS? Not. I love this image. I was also thinking about we moms, how we consciously or subconsciously feel the threads binding us to our children. Or even we feel like we are connected at the physical level (i.e., bleeding). But we're not. This ties back to Cedar's superimposition of the precious toddler face on the pictures of her difficult child, and all of us, how we thought this for so long. That is not what [I]is[/I]. That is what [I]was[/I]. It is not reality. Yes! It's the simple pleasures that we love so much. I so wish our difficult children found solace and joy in those kinds of pleasures. Maybe they are just not wired that way. Evidently they are not. We all say so much of the same things about our difficult children. There is a definite pattern here. You took care of yourself. Yourself in the midst of the ups and downs. That is what I am watching and seeing and learning from. You were fully present, yet not enmeshed in the drama---further, you stood in your own center of peace and calm while you watched and were present. Wow. Pas, interesting that your son actually said this. What insight into himself. I wonder what my son would say. I think that is exactly how he seems to be, like your son is. SO says addicts do so much better when the box is small. They try to keep the box small so they can control events. When the box gets bigger, whoops, all control is lost. difficult child can't seem to successfully navigate job, place to live, arrangements, food, relationships----all of the responsibilities and rights of adulthood. When the box starts getting larger, and it's up to him to make more decisions and shoulder more of the responsibilities, he breaks the law and/or he's on the street again. It's getting very simple. Predictable. Still very sad. Still reality. Yep. just like Pas said. Just like RE's difficult child. So.....if this is the case....then what? Doing what they keep on doing without some sort of break from it---rehab, jail, recovery program, therapy, medication---whatever the intervention method is----is not going to be sustainable. In my quest to somehow have a way to navigate this (I know, what about just being open to accepting what is happening today? Like Chodron says...), this is the pattern and it is predictable. This is helping me work on my acceptance. Thanks to all for your comments and thoughts. Thanks especially to you RE. Please keep on telling this story. [/QUOTE]
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A big step for difficult child and me
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