A bit insulted by brother in law

[timer lady]

I was sure that my thoughts on this matter were right....however, I've been so sensitive since husband died that there are days I can't tell if I'm coming or going. Titrating off this prednisone isn't helping matters emotionally either.

I hated how brother in law was using his family's dire straits & how he may lose his home. The life insurance I'm receiving isn't that much; has to last me many years (I need to invest it very wisely) as I'm unable to work & disability hasn't come thru yet. brother in law just sees or has heard that I'm getting this money & am going to invest a portion of it in my home. Figures he can do the job as he's out of work.

Andy, Marg, I like the way you have very unemotionally laid it out for me. That's what I need to tell brother in law. My youngest brother also offered to talk to brother in law for me; he thinks he can handle it with-o hard feelings on BILs part. I have a feeling my sister has no idea this is going on ~ she's busy working her butt off. brother in law should be doing the same in looking for work. He should be busy trying the refinance program that banks are soon to be offering & other options like temp work.

Instead he's looking for ways to take my antique claw foot & baby claw foot tubs out of here & selling them for his gain. The same with my extra mini van. I'm sure if he had a computer or laptop of mine he'd be offering it for sell as well. Not seeing that I'm going to need the funds in the future is so hurtful.

I cannot support his family & mine. Thank you for clarifying this for me. I'm printing this out for my conversation with brother in law later this week.

I knew I could count on you all for helping me think clearly on this one.

 

[Marguerite]

Seriously, Linda - I'd let your brother handle this one for you. It would be man to man, and the vibe I'm getting about your brother in law, is somewhere in there he's a proud man who despises women to a certain extent and probably despises himself deep down, but not enough to shift off his rear end and put in a REAL plan of action; instead, trying to take advantage of opportunities and vulnerable people is the easier option. In his mind - life has handed him a couple of curly ones and it's only fair that he be allowed to take full advantage of all easy opportunities that could pass his way.

You're a woman, and a disabled woman at that. I frankly don't think he's going to pay enough attention to you. However, if it's reinforced by another male, especially someone perceived as your new protector, THEN he will be more likely to back off.

I could be way wrong, but you've said things about this brother in law before and if there is any element of anger in him at the backhander that life has dealt him but it's not been enough for him to get really serious about doing the hard yards needed so his wife doesn't have to work so hard - then don't rely on him getting any message from you, a mere female, any time soon.

I say this to you as one disabled female to another. Your disability is recent enough for you to remember the difference between how people used to treat you (ie with respect for your intelligence and ability) and now (ie they treat you as if your brain has taken wing along with your physical strength).

So take your brother up on the offer. If it's not enough, then you say something as well, but if the ground has been well-prepared for you ahead of time by your brother, it should ease the task. And if brother in law gets angry that you passed the problem to your brother to handle - tell him he should be glad you didn't pass it to his wife to handle. Besides, you are entitled to ask your family for moral support.

brother in law is being an insensitive jerk, at the very least. And he's probably being a lot more than that - as you seem to believe yourself. At least he is capable of rolling up his shirtsleeves and getting a solid job using his muscles, his skills and his capability. You don't have that - and you have to support your entire family without a partner's wage to help.

Don't let brother in law touch any of your stuff and especially not those gorgeous bathtubs!

Marg