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A boundary win
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<blockquote data-quote="Nomad" data-source="post: 726838" data-attributes="member: 4152"><p>Thank you.</p><p>This is actually a post from a year ago.</p><p>HOWEVER, it totally works.</p><p></p><p>We started to implement it the other day and it scares the heck out of her.</p><p>She came extremely close to crossing a boundary. She especially does this with the phone. My husband was working. He said "You are calling too often. It is inappropriate and interfering with my work.</p><p>You may NOT call before 3 pm today. If you call prior to 3 pm, I will block you until 3 pm tomorrow. Do you understand? She said "yes.""</p><p> And she did not call until WELL after three that day.</p><p>It truly bothers her to be blocked AND she knows full well, we absolutely, positively will do it.</p><p>AND I think by making it REAL and make it reasonable. For example, we wont say "we will block you for a week, etc." Just 24 hours. If she calls within that time frame, we will block her for another 24 hours and so forth. We tell her she can text if it is a true medical emergency, but if it is not a true medical emergency, and she texts for something silly, she will be blocked for 24 hours.</p><p></p><p>This Christmas (2017) she was definitely weird, but definitely BETTER! OMG! Thank goodness. Might have been the best one we have had yet. Little to no arguing, etc. WE decided that we certainly will NOT sweat the small stuff. So, if she says two whoppers, a shake and left over spaghetti is a "normal," breakfast, we would just smile and not respond at all. We all agreed that at least for xmas time, we would not argue, debate, question etc. (especially the little things) Christmas Eve she flew off the handle for a brief moment (screaming at) our son and said something like "Mom f...n likes you best" and then gave some crazy, silly, out of space reason why. Normally, he would of yelled back, but he was following our guidelines and didn't say much and it passed. Yes, difficult and unfair, etc. But, he let it go. Fortunately, she didn't continue So, like, I said definitely "weird," but definitely better. For the most part, she was pleasant. We have learned, that Christmas is some sort of sore spot with her, so we absolutely have to let SOME things go around this time (the week of and surrounding xmas). We might have to work on some boundaries in this department at other times. But, around Christmas...willing to be more lenient for this small window of time. Oddly, I think she is making some efforts. Christmas has always been a very peculiar time for our Difficult Child. Just grateful for the improvement.</p><p></p><p>HOWEVER, with reference to that phone thing ....omg....those boundaries totally work and I highly recommend them! This boundary seems to have set off improvements in all areas. Boundaries are key and I recommend them highly.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Nomad, post: 726838, member: 4152"] Thank you. This is actually a post from a year ago. HOWEVER, it totally works. We started to implement it the other day and it scares the heck out of her. She came extremely close to crossing a boundary. She especially does this with the phone. My husband was working. He said "You are calling too often. It is inappropriate and interfering with my work. You may NOT call before 3 pm today. If you call prior to 3 pm, I will block you until 3 pm tomorrow. Do you understand? She said "yes."" And she did not call until WELL after three that day. It truly bothers her to be blocked AND she knows full well, we absolutely, positively will do it. AND I think by making it REAL and make it reasonable. For example, we wont say "we will block you for a week, etc." Just 24 hours. If she calls within that time frame, we will block her for another 24 hours and so forth. We tell her she can text if it is a true medical emergency, but if it is not a true medical emergency, and she texts for something silly, she will be blocked for 24 hours. This Christmas (2017) she was definitely weird, but definitely BETTER! OMG! Thank goodness. Might have been the best one we have had yet. Little to no arguing, etc. WE decided that we certainly will NOT sweat the small stuff. So, if she says two whoppers, a shake and left over spaghetti is a "normal," breakfast, we would just smile and not respond at all. We all agreed that at least for xmas time, we would not argue, debate, question etc. (especially the little things) Christmas Eve she flew off the handle for a brief moment (screaming at) our son and said something like "Mom f...n likes you best" and then gave some crazy, silly, out of space reason why. Normally, he would of yelled back, but he was following our guidelines and didn't say much and it passed. Yes, difficult and unfair, etc. But, he let it go. Fortunately, she didn't continue So, like, I said definitely "weird," but definitely better. For the most part, she was pleasant. We have learned, that Christmas is some sort of sore spot with her, so we absolutely have to let SOME things go around this time (the week of and surrounding xmas). We might have to work on some boundaries in this department at other times. But, around Christmas...willing to be more lenient for this small window of time. Oddly, I think she is making some efforts. Christmas has always been a very peculiar time for our Difficult Child. Just grateful for the improvement. HOWEVER, with reference to that phone thing ....omg....those boundaries totally work and I highly recommend them! This boundary seems to have set off improvements in all areas. Boundaries are key and I recommend them highly. [/QUOTE]
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