For all of our lives together Tony has been the main bread winner in our family. He has been the rock that has held our little family together and worked so hard to keep us on a steady path. He has worked in a very physically demanding job first in commercial concrete form construction then moved into commercial drywall and metal stud construction. It provided for us, not always really well, but we always had food and a roof but it has taken a real toll on his body. He has two knees that are starting to bother him and a shoulder that is starting to go, plus tendinitis in one elbow. All from working but of course, he cant prove it to use workman's comp and he has no other insurance. Well, Jamie has found another job that seems perfect for him. The job is removing wildlife from peoples homes that animal control doesnt handle. Wildlife that get into peoples homes and end up not able to be found because they hide or get into walls or chimneys. This company sometimes has to leave cages or maybe cut into a wall or two and then go back and repair the damage so they need someone with construction experience. They also need someone trustworthy because they have had to fire a few folks for stealing. Tony would never do that. Now for the downside. We would have to move. Up to Jamies. We would be living in Jamies basement for awhile. Ugh. We would be leaving Cory and Billy behind. We would probably ask Cory to move in with Billy so that they could both keep the bills up on our place. I am not sure Billy could do it on his own and I dont know that Cory could do it on his own. I think they need each other. I dont know that they can stand each other 24/7. Also means we leave Keyana and I dont know how much contact we would get after that. That breaks my heart into a million pieces. I cant tell you how much I have cried over that alone. I think that is what is bothering me the most. It also means I have to change doctors. And switch my disability stuff. And I would just stop therapy. I cant imagine ever finding another therapist like the one I have now and I dont even want to try. I talked to Joy yesterday about this and she asked me if I thought I was ready to end therapy and I told her that 6 months ago I would have told her Hell no, but now, maybe I am. There is a song I love that has a line in it that says "Ive been to paradise, but Ive never been to me." Well, I think I have found me now. Im not perfect, I never will be. I still have a ton of problems. I am still borderline, I am still bipolar, I still have all my physical problems but I think I have more tools to handle my emotions now. I know how to deal with what life throws at me in better ways and I know why I react the way I do. I also know Joy is always at the end of an email or the cell phone should I need her. She will never turn me away. I have always trusted Tony to do what is right for me. I think I need to trust him again to do what is right now. I cant ask him to work himself to death just because I dont want to leave one grandchild and one son because I am afraid that they cant make it without me. Cory has shown us that he can. I have to have faith that the right things will happen. Gulp.