A Chaotic Start to 2013

[STRESSEDTOMAX]

Good Morning Everyone -

Happy New Year. My greatest wish is for PEACE - for all of us and for all of our difficult children. Parenting a difficult child is not for cowards, that's for sure. As is usual for me, I haven't been on here for a few months. One of my New Year's resolutions is going to be to post at least once a week so that I can give as well as receive support and get to know each of you better. When I last posted, I was trying to get difficult child out of a SBS self-contained classroom because it was filled with aggressive kids and was definitely not appropriate for him. I wound up being able to get him out of that school ONLY after exiting the Easy Child program entirely and forfeiting his IEP. This made me extremely nervous, but it was vitally important that we get him out of that environment. So...on November 1 he began Middle School in the mainstream with no accomodations. Surprisingly, there were no HUGE problems. There were however a few minor ones that could definitely lead to larger ones. For example, if anyone said anything mean to him, he would report them to the teacher or principal. We have tried to explain to him that in sixth grade, this is not always the wisest thing to do. For some reason, he just doesn't get this and is still continuing this.

Anyway, all in all, we had seen a MIRACULOUS change in him for the better. The only change in medications had been the addition of Prozac 10mg daily for his anxiety. However, over the last month there has been a definite deterioration in his behavior. We had seen barely any meltdowns for a couple of months and now they are back full force. Yesterday there were THREE!! He had had a bad night on Tuesday night and I really believe it was due to having to go back to school after the break...the whole transition thing. In the morning it was a HORROR. He wound up going to school two hours late. He leaves and seems fine - like nothing happened - and I am left totally drained. Then, since I had told him in the morning if he didn't calm down he wasn't going to be able to play with his friend that afternoon, I stuck to my guns and when he found out he couldn't play, all HELL broke loose. He was hitting things with his guitar, cursing, constant screaming, threatening to destroy things, locking doors, etc. threatening me, taunting the dog. The poor dog is a mess from all of this constant screaming. she actually bit both of us yesterday. When he starts, I need to crate her. Anyway - I guess maybe I shouldn't have imposed a consequence. Maybe I should have just let him start fresh when he came home from school. More problems at bedtime again - but a smooth morning. We have a psychiatric appointment tomorrow and I hope I can get some advice. I don't know how much longer we'll be able to live like this. I have a few other things that I wanted to mention but this is too long so I'll post later. Thanks. PS: He flushed MY anti-anxiety medications down the sink during meltdown yesterday...not good...

 

[buddy]

I found after prozac built up for q it increase his quick reactions and made him dig in more. It was much better when we d/c'd it. That's one thought. The other? I can't set up major consequences like that with no "out" Q will see no other solution. He has never learned from it when I stick it out. (One year he lost what ended up as months of NASCAR watching. He still talks about it-from years ago-but it didn't improve anything. It didn't address the underlying issues. )

At least for us, adding that stress makes things worse and ends up causing problems at school too while he is having anxiety about it.
I try now, if backed into a corner where I have to consequence ....giving a to do list. You took my energy away so now you need to gather all the laundry and empty the dishwasher.
If I can tie it with better logic to the event, and if I can help him learn skills to deal better I do but I get caught in the typical strategy of taking things away and then either know there will be violence just to stick to it, or I have to figure out how to let him know he can't fuss his way out of a consequence by heading it off saying I changed my mind. (Then the to do list, sometimes including a written apology and or writing a plan to do better with me)

These days I try to plan ahead....he knows what he has to do to get x, y,z. If he doesn't then he knows what needs to be done. It's never that easy though!

 

[STRESSEDTOMAX]

Thanks Buddy -

I actually agree with you about the consequences. That was a REALLY good point about worrying about it while at school - he actually called me from there yesterday to find out if he could play. Maybe I got caught up in this "consequences" thing that everyone with typical children stress so much. I have to remember nothing is typical about my difficult child. Thanks.

 

[Bunny]

I would definately bring up the increased aggression with the psychiatrist and that it has happened since starting the Prozac. Maybe that medication is just not right for him. difficult child can't take the SSRI medications because they increase his aggression, so maybe your difficult child is the same way.

I know that with my difficult child, when he gets a major punishment I have to try to find a way for him to earn things back. If he knows that he will be without something important to him (Xbox) for some length of time he feels like there is no reason to behave anyway. After all, I've already taken away what is important, so why bother? If there is a chance he can earn it back through good behavior he will try to hold himself together. It doesn't work all of the time, but it has helped in the past.

 

[TerryJ2]

Good grief, just when it was going so well! I'd switch the Prozac. Sounds like that's the wrong add-on.
I hope 2013 is productive and calm for all of us.