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A Decent UPDATE
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<blockquote data-quote="recoveringenabler" data-source="post: 637851" data-attributes="member: 13542"><p>Pasa, geez, I am sorry you have to listen to any of that. It is such skewered thinking which they involve us in..........it's like a quicksand you inadvertently step in and immediately begin to sink. </p><p> </p><p>About 2 years ago my daughter posted one of those quotes on FaceBook that you see all the time. It said something like, "mothers should do everything they can for their kids, regardless of their own needs and wants they must put their own kids needs above their own." When I read it I thought to myself, 'what is she saying here, I am raising her daughter, who at the time was 16, she had absolutely no relationship with her own daughter.' In fact, she would walk right by her and not even say hello. No phone calls to her, no interest, nothing. I couldn't make sense of that statement and how she meant it. Then my husband read it and said, "that was about you, not her, she was making a statement about how YOU need to take care of HER. She isn't even seeing the fact that she isn't available for her own daughter in any way, shape or form."</p><p></p><p>I was stunned. How could she only see it in terms of ME and not see any part of what SHE was doing or not doing? That's when it became very clear to me that her thinking was only related to her and what she needs, the rest of us are invisible, irrelevant, not in the equation. I don't even believe it is intentional or manipulative anymore, I believe it is a brain anomaly, a lack of empathy based on a disorder........so I don't even bother judging it, it just is. It is the perception out of which my daughter views life. I stopped sinking in to the quicksand once I stopped expecting it to be any different and once I stopped judging it........that is simply the way she views life, out of a lens that doesn't have the added components of "others' involved in it. </p><p></p><p>Hang in there Pasa, he is living out his life in his way. It is wise for you to not answer his calls and sink into the quicksand........it's where he lives, not you.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="recoveringenabler, post: 637851, member: 13542"] Pasa, geez, I am sorry you have to listen to any of that. It is such skewered thinking which they involve us in..........it's like a quicksand you inadvertently step in and immediately begin to sink. About 2 years ago my daughter posted one of those quotes on FaceBook that you see all the time. It said something like, "mothers should do everything they can for their kids, regardless of their own needs and wants they must put their own kids needs above their own." When I read it I thought to myself, 'what is she saying here, I am raising her daughter, who at the time was 16, she had absolutely no relationship with her own daughter.' In fact, she would walk right by her and not even say hello. No phone calls to her, no interest, nothing. I couldn't make sense of that statement and how she meant it. Then my husband read it and said, "that was about you, not her, she was making a statement about how YOU need to take care of HER. She isn't even seeing the fact that she isn't available for her own daughter in any way, shape or form." I was stunned. How could she only see it in terms of ME and not see any part of what SHE was doing or not doing? That's when it became very clear to me that her thinking was only related to her and what she needs, the rest of us are invisible, irrelevant, not in the equation. I don't even believe it is intentional or manipulative anymore, I believe it is a brain anomaly, a lack of empathy based on a disorder........so I don't even bother judging it, it just is. It is the perception out of which my daughter views life. I stopped sinking in to the quicksand once I stopped expecting it to be any different and once I stopped judging it........that is simply the way she views life, out of a lens that doesn't have the added components of "others' involved in it. Hang in there Pasa, he is living out his life in his way. It is wise for you to not answer his calls and sink into the quicksand........it's where he lives, not you. [/QUOTE]
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